"It's not about being worried about it and making it a serious conversation — it's about being realistic in the world we live in nowadays."
Disclosing (and the vulnerability that comes with it) doesn't have to be a huge deal, only reserved for those you hear wedding bells ringing for. It can still be a casual conversation, but it's still important. It still means something. And if you want to be able to trust the people you have sex with (and in the spirit of trust and openness, even if it is a casual thing) it's a good idea to have a real conversation about risk, sexual histories, etc. It's a red flag to not be willing to have a safer sex conversation as grown adults prior to having sex. It's not about being worried about it and making it a serious conversation, it's about being realistic in the world we live in nowadays. Then when we have everything on the table, we do a cost/benefit analysis and decide if we both want to move forward. Often we look at the disclosure conversation as something opposite of casual. The disclosure talk doesn't have to mean deep love — or even commitment. You'll soon realize the silver lining here: that having herpes and disclosing before having sex means that you won't have sex before you trust someone first. Once you accept yourself and the fact that everyone has something they're ashamed of — then a "rejection" simply shows you that you two aren't a good fit together. Wholeness is about owning everything about yourself as a complete package.