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And then the day came when the risk that it took to stay all wrapped up tight in the bud became more painful than the risk that it took to blossom hi I'm adriel creator of the herpes opportunity which is all about positively shifting your mindset disclosing to potential partners in a way that truly connects you and ultimately finding the love that you want and deserve you can check out the free ebook linked in the description below about having the talk and now onto the video I hope you enjoy it sometimes when we go into a disclosure conversation and we have this angel and devil on our shoulders and the devil is saying you've never experienced actual connection what makes you think this is going to be any different like and when you listen to that it's like even even if you disclose and yes there's a certain part of that that's vulnerable and of course just the dynamics of it it's a lot of vulnerability there's still a piece where you're like I'm holding back because most likely because I haven't experienced it it's not going to be here either so I'm not ...
... going to open that part of myself to this possibility of being rejected and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if on the other on the other hand you're like even though I haven't experienced it I get a sense that it's there and if if I can get a sense of that it's there and I've heard other stories of other people experiencing it I'm a human being as well it's only logical too that like okay I'm available for this too so I'm gonna have that faith and say from that place I'm gonna disclose and I'm gonna look in their eyes as if they are actually ready to receive this kind of a relationship as well the one that I'm ready for as well and that's gonna be way more vulnerable than listening to the devil on your shoulder and being like yeah I'll disclose but I'm not going to be totally there and present for it right that there is there's something that can be transformative in kind of owning that as a possibility in your life and showing up to disclosure conversations fully and that even in worst case scenario if they look at you ...
... with the look of disgust or whatever that you instead interpret that as okay like they they they see something in this dynamic that's not going to be right for me either and to not let it sink deeper into your own self-image and being like oh my god this does prove that I am a second-class citizen all along right because here's the the magical thing and trust me when I say this and also that I've of course coached a lot of people through this of like being exactly where you're at and then when they're on the other side of it they're like oh my god I totally get it I totally get it like it's it's like connecting the the concept to the felt sense in your body like oh all right that's the that's the the resonant feature that I was like thinking about but now I feel it in my body it's like it's it's real so you show up to those disclosure conversations totally vulnerable for him totally vulnerable for you and taking a stand for the kind of relationship that you want and you deserve and all of those good feeling things ...
... of like I'm I'm showing up for myself and I'm showing up on behalf of love right I'm showing up to be a transmission of love in this world and if I have to like you know suffer some bruises and some arrows flung at me here and there so be it I'm still a stand for love so you become a warrior of the heart in that way that like the disclosure conversations are you being on the front line I hate to use like I hate to use the analogy of war because I hate war right but you're like you're on the front lines of like being the warrior for love of saying I'm like this is where it's at like I'm right on the cutting edge of like I mean of all the things to do in this world you know like you know where you're really vulnerable with your heart like disclosure is that's it I mean it's one of that's one of those that you know you're so whenever you're in that position to see it for what it is and say wow I'm on the front lines here this is intense but can I see this as practice for being with intensity in a new way right because think about it intensity whether it's negative intensity or positive intensity like without the label it's just intensity like being deeply in love with someone ...
... that's intense being rejected that's intense but if we don't label it good or bad it's just like you're learning to be with a level of intensity and you're putting yourself in that position to take that breath and like sit in the discomfort sit in like oh this was the monster that I was afraid of and that even having the the the growth mindset enough to be like even in the rejection there is a huge opportunity the quote-unquote rejection because I get to be with the the intensity of just the vulnerability to begin with but then I get to be in the intensity of kind of slowing that process down of taking in information and choosing whether or not that judgment that might be coming at me I'm gonna take on or not and actually to to be willing to be present in that level of intensity allows you to have more choice in those really ...
... important moments in that fork in the road of saying am I going to take this on as like oh yeah I am less than I'm I'm not I am I'm not lovable no one is ever going to love me versus oh thank you I honor your decision and I'm gonna be proud of myself not from any egoic place but like from a heart centered place I'm proud of myself for disclosing this was successful whether or not I get accepted or rejected and and it becomes a game that you play with yourself even though of course it includes someone else in the disclosure conversation it's a game you play with yourself of like all right this is the game of vulnerability it's the game of being present with intensity here I go I'm diving in and and with that unstoppable kind of mindset you're available for them to also see you more right you don't want to go into disclosure conversations feeling like you're throwing a grenade over a brick wall and just waiting to hear the explosion you want to like deliver it to them and like look in their eyes and be like so what what are your thoughts I'm here like let's talk you know with love and care and compassion for this other human being sitting in front of you you're not afraid of them or their response that you're sitting in ...
... your own strength and empowerment it's like oh okay this might be the gift of like I I get to actually sit in this discomfort and look around with my flashlight and look into the dark corners of shame the shame that has always been there but that I never would have unearthed unless I was confronted with something that I actually have to unearth it now it reminds me of the anaya's name quote and then the day came when the risk that it took to stay all wrapped up tight in the bud became more painful than the risk that it took to blossom well I hope you got a lot out of that video and if you did please let me know please like comment and subscribe and keep an eye out for more videos just like this you
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.". Anaïs Nin
Your beliefs going into the herpes talk can dictate your expectations, either negative or positive. And your expectations paint what you bring to the conversation (your energy, your perspective, your attitude). And if you believe your negative thoughts, they might just hand you an unfortunate self-fulfilling prophecy. You have a lot more power here than you might be giving yourself credit for. So, choose to have trust and faith in the ineffable magic of human connection. Choose to be open and curious in such a vulnerable space. This will bring you into an entirely new mindset and experience of having "the Talk." This fundamental shift in and of itself can completely change the outcome.
P.S. This video is part of the free "inside coaching" series.
