"The Talk" = Stigmabusting

0:00That it's opening the door for both of you to be open with each other and that a lot of people don't actually have the safer sex conversation hi I'm adriel creator of the herpes opportunity which is all about positively shifting your mindset disclosing to potential partners in a way that truly connects you and ultimately finding the love that you want and deserve now you can check out the free ebook linked in the description below about having the talk and now onto the video I hope you enjoy it yeah and the chances of him not being a carrier of hsb1 he's in the minority if he is right and that that comes to the whole thing of like just in general like I think I did a video on this a while back of like um because hsv in general is so common if you happen to be someone who doesn't have hsv it should almost be a reverse disclosure where it's like hey so I'm aware that most of the world has hsv I'm actually part of the minority who act some for some reason I never got it and I would rather not ...

1:19... get it so right I mean that that's part of the you know that everyone has a responsibility of like where are we at with with risk tolerance and stds in general and that's just part of the whole safer sex conversation in general right so yeah it's a win-win to talk about this stuff because also another thing that happens a lot with people with herpes is they don't realize that the other person might have something that they would rather not have too so if you open the if you open the conversation and you're like hey this isn't really a big deal but I wanted to share share it with you the possibility of you getting this is very low let me give you some stats uh when's the last time you got tested and he's like oh well actually I just got tested and I have hs or I have hiv you know and you're like oh well I'm glad that we had this conversation right you know like that it's opening the door for both of you to be open with each other and that a lot of people don't actually have the safer sex conversation right so you're opening the door and making it safe to just have like a real conversation well here's the here's the the bigger picture here and by the way this is like the number one thing that most kind of in my first uh sessions with people this is the number one thing that comes up right it's just like why why is this why is this okay like why is like why is this called cold sores ...

2:43... but that's called herpes and it's like but they're both herpes right so it's like a branding thing you know it's like oral herpes versus genital herpes as if they're completely different things just because they're in a on a different part of the body it just goes to show how stigmatized we are around sex and sexuality that we still live in a culture that is like sex is naughty you know if you if you do if you have sex especially out of wedlock you know or if you have sex and you enjoy it you're gonna you know like I mean my god we still live in such a puritanical society right so the question becomes and this is where it's like you know what is our responsibility as on one side of it it's like yeah okay that's totally unfair I'm gonna buck that I'm not even gonna talk about it on the other side and this is where I land is we happen to be in a society that does have this double standard what's the change that I can be that I want to see in the world well part of that responsibility is to just be like I'm going to talk about this because for some reason there's this huge stigma about it but it's not a big deal to me so I'm gonna disclose and I'm going to carry that frequency of ...

4:05... this isn't as big a deal as it seems to be and it shouldn't be and that's part of the disclosure is just like hey I'm a human being I had sex whoops I got an std what about it you know like that that is part of the change that we want to see in the world as opposed to well that's not fair that like this is a cold sore and I'm not even gonna play that game it's like but that's the culture we live in and that's the that's kind of the the yardstick that people are going to like unfortunately hold us to you know that double standard and how do we break that double standard but to speak to it and like the injustice of it in a way you know what I mean it's like anything in our culture that is just like bs the only way that it has started to shift is people standing up and being like this is kind of whack isn't it right any ism in our society you know like racism sexism like any ism it's just like really women aren't equal to men really black white skin whatever skin cult really so it's this is just another one of those isms that it's just like all right we happen to be in that paradigm and we're going to speak to it and just change it from ...

5:22... the inside out you know yeah so so to answer your question yes people are way more accepting than you might think that it's it's ironic because I think part of the stigma the stigma cuts both ways you're thinking in terms of well the stigma is out there it's going to be hard and a tall order to share this with someone and then like expect them to accept it but that's actually part of the stigma that you're believing that that right like because I cannot tell you how many people are in your like we're in your shoes right now and then like they'll disclose and then it's like oh my gosh what was the big monster there like it actually brought us closer together it brought it brought great trust between us it was like a bonding experience we were like tearing up together and holding each other and like I thought I thought I was gonna get rejected right like not to expect that that's what's gonna happen but like that there's way more especially when you already trust this person with your vulnerability and clearly there's already a connection there that means something that's not just two strangers walking up to each other on the street and you saying hey I have herpes and they're like ew there's actual like there's there's connection and trust there um and and don't don't underestimate that right ...

6:48... also um I mean people who you know like when you do disclose and you do it from this place of care for the for the other person and integrity and all of that they tend to see that way more than they see oh my god herpes I hope you got a lot out of that video and if you did please let me know please like comment and subscribe and keep an eye out for more videos just like this you