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Men Living with Herpes

Here's something people don't talk about enough: men struggle with herpes too. And I don't just mean the physical stuff. I mean the shame, the fear of disclosure, the feeling that you're somehow "less of a man" because of a skin condition. Our culture does a spectacularly bad job of giving men space to be vulnerable about this stuff, so a lot of guys just suffer in silence.

These conversations from the now-sunset Herpes Opportunity forums are the opposite of silence. They're men opening up about their fears, their questions, and their breakthroughs. They're also women asking, "What do men really think about herpes?" and getting honest answers that might surprise you.

If you're a guy reading this, know that you're not alone and you're not broken. And if you're someone dating a man with herpes (or wondering if a man would date you knowing you have herpes), these conversations have some important things to say.

Real conversations from the Herpes Opportunity community. For over 13 years, the H Opp forums were a safe space where thousands of people shared their most vulnerable moments. The forums have since sunset, but these stories live on.

Only women are worried about herpes disclosure?

Are only women worried about disclosing? This thread smashes that myth. Men share their fears, their fumbles, and their eventual breakthroughs with disclosure. It turns out vulnerability doesn't have a gender.

49 posts in conversation

question for males with genital herpes (hsv1) regarding prodrome tingling

Men comparing notes on prodrome symptoms, nerve pain, and what 'normal' looks like. The kind of practical, body-specific conversation that's hard to find elsewhere.

32 posts in conversation

NEGATIVE MALE WITH HSV2 POSITIVE FEMALE. QUESTIONS.

Written by a herpes-negative man whose partner has HSV-2. He's asking the hard questions, and the community provides answers that honor both his concerns and his willingness to show up.

17 posts in conversation

10 Years of Herpes Chats (Male Experience)

A 33-year-old man reflects on 10 years living with genital HSV-2 and shares his detailed playbook for the disclosure conversation — including when to bring it up, how to use humor, and why he's never had a single bad reaction.

17 posts in conversation

Calling All You Male Herpes Blog Lurkers

JustAnotherOne calls men out of the shadows to stop lurking and start talking about herpes. What unfolds is the birth of an impromptu men's support group where guys open up for the first time about shame, isolation, and the fear of dating.

22 posts in conversation

A Question for Men with Herpes

Equanimous, freshly diagnosed, mourns the loss of spontaneous romance and asks other men how herpes changed their dating lives. What follows is a raw, funny, and ultimately hopeful conversation about sex, masculinity, and the 'club-wielding orangutan' of disclosure.

36 posts in conversation

I Feel Alone with Herpes and Don't Know What to Do

A 30-year-old man diagnosed with HSV-2 feels like his world has ended and considers quitting his job to isolate. Community veterans with 20+ years of experience rally around him, and Adrial challenges him to rethink what a relationship with herpes actually looks like.

23 posts in conversation

About to Have the Herpes Talk with My Girlfriend

A DJ and call center worker, newly diagnosed at 31, writes a raw love letter the night before telling his girlfriend he has herpes — then comes back with her response. With 12,000 views, this thread captures the universal anxiety of male disclosure.

8 posts in conversation

I Did It — I Told Her I Have Herpes

After months of dating, he finally tells her he has HSV-2. She gets mad for a day, then comes back. The community helps him navigate the next steps — antivirals, intimacy, and learning to trust the process.

10 posts in conversation

How Did HSV Change Your Prospects of LTR/Marriage?

A 45-year-old single man asks the question every newly diagnosed person thinks about: did herpes ruin your chances at a long-term relationship? What follows is one of the most honest conversations about dating, disclosure, and not over-thanking someone for accepting you.

25 posts in conversation

Hurt, Angry, and Not Wanting to Disclose Herpes

A man in a small rural town gets diagnosed and decides he will never disclose. What unfolds is a raw, multi-week debate with the community about ethics, fear, small-town stigma, and whether honesty is even possible when your dating pool feels impossibly small.

26 posts in conversation

I have herpes. So why would a man choose me?

46 posts in conversation

Frequently asked questions

How do men handle a herpes diagnosis?+
Men experience the same range of emotions as anyone after a herpes diagnosis: shock, shame, fear, anger. But men often face additional pressure to 'toughen up' or not show vulnerability. Our community has found that the men who do best are the ones who allow themselves to process the emotions honestly, educate themselves about the virus, and connect with others who understand.
Do women care if a man has herpes?+
Some might, but far fewer than you'd expect. Our community is full of stories from men who disclosed and were met with understanding, acceptance, and even admiration for their honesty. The way you share the information matters more than the information itself. Confidence, honesty, and vulnerability are attractive qualities.

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