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Casual Dating & Hookups with Herpes

Here's a question that comes up constantly: "Can I still have casual sex with herpes?" And I'm not going to give you some watered-down, hedge-every-bet answer. The short version is yes. But the longer version is more interesting, because it gets into the how, the when, and the "is this even what I actually want?"

These threads from the now-sunset Herpes Opportunity forums are some of the most-read conversations in our community's history (one has over 51,000 views). They're honest. They're practical. They don't judge. And they tackle the full spectrum, from "how do I disclose to someone I just met at a bar?" to "I've been casually dating with herpes for two years and here's what I've learned."

Whether you're trying to figure out if casual dating is still on the table for you, or you just want to hear from people who've navigated it, these conversations have you covered.

Real conversations from the Herpes Opportunity community. For over 13 years, the H Opp forums were a safe space where thousands of people shared their most vulnerable moments. The forums have since sunset, but these stories live on.

Herpes Disclosure and Casual Sex

The flagship thread on casual sex with herpes, with over 51,000 views. Adrial kicks it off and the community goes deep on how to navigate hookups with honesty and without shame.

50 posts in conversation

Casual hook ups/ one night stands with herpes

With over 51,000 views, this thread tackles the question everyone's thinking: can you still have casual hookups with herpes? The answers are practical, honest, and empowering.

5 posts in conversation

2 year update - successful dating/casual sex with herpes in NYC

After two years of successful dating and casual sex with herpes in NYC, he comes back to share what worked. A real-world update that's both practical and inspiring.

12 posts in conversation

Casual sex and my first disclosure...

Her first casual disclosure didn't go as planned, but what she learned changed how she approaches every conversation after. The community weighs in with real talk.

15 posts in conversation

How to Have Casual Sex With Herpes???

She asks point-blank: how do you have casual sex with herpes? The community delivers honest, practical answers without judgment.

11 posts in conversation

Casual sex and disclosure

A wide-ranging conversation about when, how, and whether to disclose in casual situations. No black-and-white answers, just real people sharing what's worked for them.

40 posts in conversation

Frequently asked questions

Can you still have casual sex with herpes?+
Yes. Many people with herpes have active casual dating and sexual lives. The keys are honest disclosure, using protection (condoms reduce transmission risk significantly), considering suppressive antiviral medication, and avoiding sexual contact during outbreaks. Our community members share many practical approaches to navigating casual encounters with integrity.
How do you disclose herpes in a casual dating situation?+
There's no one right way, but the most successful approaches in our community involve being matter-of-fact and confident. Many people find that a brief, honest conversation before things get physical works well. Something like: 'Before we go further, I want to be upfront about something.' The key is treating it as information to share, not a confession to make.
Do people get rejected when disclosing herpes before casual sex?+
Sometimes, yes. But far less often than most people expect. Our community members report that confident, informed disclosures in casual settings succeed more often than not. And when someone does say no, many members describe it as the herpes 'filter' working exactly as it should: filtering for people who respond with maturity and compassion.

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