"Having those kinds of (vulnerable) conversations gets you clued into what kind of a person this is: Is this a person who is in touch with themselves, who can have a real conversation, who can be present with me as I'm sharing something that's vulnerable?"
The shift that changed disclosure for me was realizing I didn't have to make anything happen. After I really felt on a deep level that this could be an opportunity (and I had to feel that for myself first, before I could ever talk about it with anyone else from a place of truth), my first disclosure conversation after that epiphany hit completely different. If I brought myself truly, honestly, vulnerably to the moment, the right person would recognize that. The person who'd reject me wasn't really rejecting me as a person. They were just revealing that we weren't a good match. That insight went beyond romantic disclosures. My diagnosis was a big part of my life and how it shaped me, so I started disclosing to friends and people beyond my romantic circle. Basically as a way of connecting and sharing my deeper stuff. And it brought most of those relationships deeper. A few dropped off. But the drop-off was about them not having the capacity or desire for a deep, real friendship. Over time it became a superpower. It separated the wheat from the chaff. What was left after those conversations was deeper, more true relationships.
Having real, semi-vulnerable conversations early on in getting to know someone (before having the herpes talk) can clue you in on who it is you are connecting with. This can be a great litmus test as to whether you feel like you can trust them with your deeper vulnerability. Ultimately how they handle receiving your vulnerability in smaller doses early on is great data! This will help you determine whether you want to go deeper by disclosing and everything that comes after. If you want a framework for building that kind of conversational space on purpose, the free toolkit walks through "the container". How to shape the context before the talk itself.
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Wherever you are on your journey, there's something here for you.
