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All you need to memorize is okay you know step one I'm gonna set the scene step two I'm gonna just kind of talk about some some background here and step three I'm gonna say I have herpes and then step four I'm gonna ask him what do you know about that that's your structure everything within each one of those capsules is like ad-libbed in the moment trust your heart translate your heart into words you got this hi I'm adriel creator of the herpes opportunity which is all about positively shifting your mindset disclosing to potential partners in a way that truly connects you and ultimately finding the love that you want and deserve now you can check out the free ebook linked in the description below about having the talk and now on to the video I hope you enjoy it that is really common like trying to find that balance right of you don't want it to seem scripted you don't want it to seem like I'm gonna I'm gonna say this soliloquy now and you're just gonna sit there and listen to my stage performance um I you know as you might imagine ...
... I get this question a lot of like so what do you what do you say and how do you disclose I really I really try to avoid the topic not not about like disclosure in general but like the words to say because that that then gets us back into script mentality right and what I've found is once you get the facts in your mind those are retrievable at any moment the most important thing is that you get to the I have herpes or I'm a carrier of hsv2 or hsv1 or whatever as soon as possible so that you can then say what do you know about it because that stops you from what happens all the time that I see where you start getting nervous and you're you're like oh and you don't want to say the phrase I have herpes so before you know you're like and you know I I've like uh it hasn't been that big of a deal but I have something to tell you but uh you know it's okay if you're gonna reject me I mean but and the person's like whoa like what do you have cancer like ...
... tell me like what's going on like are you dying um so as soon as you can just like say those words which are the the scariest words to say but the most freeing words to say you say I have herpes so what do you know about it what have you heard about it their answer is going to then dictate the fork in the road that you go down you know they're gonna be like what's herpes oh okay let me go into education mode like herpes101 here's what I know they could answer I have herpes I know all about it or I have my best friend has herpes or my mom has herpes I know I know enough about it but I've never had sex with someone with herpes so can you tell me about like transmission rates and stuff right so that's a different kind of education moment right so there's all sorts of these different ways that you can go but you you'll only get that information once you blurt out those words right and you'll get a sense of where they're at like availability-wise too right so like what structure I would give ...
... you is to first like open open the space with like hey so I have something pretty important that I want to talk to you about like are you up for that are you available for that they might not be they may be like whoa hold on now I we're just having fun or whatever if they say yes okay great so let's like you want some water like let's sit down on the couch you know like create a space for it you know like make sure you're in you know privacy you know maybe you're not in bed naked together you know but like but at least you're private like you're sitting on the couch together you have a drink um and and then you just kind of started off with you know so I have something important to tell you like the our relationship so far like we've been on a few dates um I really appreciate how much I feel like I can trust you like that's in my experience it's pretty rare right like speaking to something about the relationship and what would have you feel safe enough to disclose right like speak to ...
... the relationship like like connect to that layer of vulnerability of like thank you for being the kind of person that I feel safe with right and from there you know like yeah so I've I've um I as you can tell I'm hesitant to like even say words but you know so it feels like a script but just like a really quick thing of like just some of your background around it and like yeah you know I've been kind of struggling with this thing for you know however long it's been um but I I want you to know about this thing because I'm I'm I'm interested I see that this relationship might be going somewhere and and I want to share with you because integrity and and openness and and talking openly about possible difficult subjects is really important to me in relationship right so with all that being said I just wanted to share with you that I have herpes what do you know about it right like you're you're setting the stage in all of the the positive ways it's like you're you're reframing all of the things that you know you're you're setting the stage in a positive way right um so that you don't just blurt it like hey I have something important to tell you hey I have herpes it's like in either extreme whether there's that you know this isn't ...
... to make fun of people who you know just kind of foam at the mouth and like talk about everything because I did it myself at the beginning it was just like you don't want to say those words so you say too much and it feels like they're drinking from the fire hose and it's like 15 minutes later then it's like okay I have herpes or if you say it way too early and you don't put some context around it then it's kind of shooting yourself in the foot in either direction you know there there needs to be like you need to get to the point as quick as possible but you also need to like contextualize it in a way that like there's a reason I'm telling you this and it's not just because I'm scared right either direction if you say it too quickly and if you say it 15 minutes later it's because of fear fear of rejection and I just want to get this out of the way I have herpes go ahead and reject me now or I don't want to say it I'm just going to say everything else but that for the next 15 minutes and then finally I have to say it so the setting the context is it's for for them but it's also for you to contextualize it in your own mind that this isn't you ...
... throwing a grenade over this brick wall and waiting for it to explode and you get rejected it's like it's it's setting the stage for you to have a positive disclosure experience too saying this is why I'm doing it this is who I see you as this is what's important to me in relationship like you're transmitting all of these things about like the kind of relationship you want to have the kind of relationship you have to yourself the kind of relationship you have to truth so as far as a structure goes you can think of it in terms of like those are the guard rails where you don't necessarily have to memorize words that then become sentences that then become paragraphs all you need to memorize is okay you know step one I'm gonna set the scene step two I'm gonna just kind of talk about some some background here and step three I'm gonna say I have herpes and then step four I'm gonna ask him what do you know about that that's your structure everything within each one of those capsules is like ad-libbed in the moment trust your heart translate your heart into words you got this you know what I mean like and then it'll it'll come out right even if you're stuttering it's gonna feel so much better to be in the moment and real and stuttered than a perfectly executed ...
... word for word soliloquy it's just gonna feel so much more connected I hope you got a lot out of that video and if you did please let me know please like comment and subscribe and keep an eye out for more videos just like this you
"All you need to memorize is this simple structure. Everything within each steps of this structure is ad-libbed, in-the-moment. Trust your heart, translate your heart into words. You got this."
How to create a context for disclosure and how to structure the conversation in a structured (not scripted) way that allows you to feel empowered no matter the outcome. Going into a herpes talk with a memorized soliloquy disconnects us from the moment. Memorize only these 4 steps, then allow yourself to be in the moment for the rest. Trust that you will know what to say when you're actually looking in their eyes, feeling what is right there to be felt. Then translate those feelings into words. That is always a more connecting conversation than regurgitating lines that you've practiced in front of a mirror.
P.S. This video is part of the free "inside coaching" series.
