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Right, because disclosure brings about that level of trust, right?
Hi, I'm Adrial, creator of the Herpes Opportunity.
Because of course the thing that most people go to immediately when they think about "well, I have herpes" is that like one-night stands are out of the question. Like it's only all about like "I'm gonna disclose to the person who is most likely gonna be my wife or husband," you know? Like that it has to be this kind of like we're falling deeply in love in order for them to accept me.
But in reality, like even if you were going to have a one-night stand with a woman, wouldn't you want to have the safer sex conversation anyway? Okay, even if it's just for one night and you get to enjoy each other as human beings and as adults, right? And that you're choosing to enjoy each other for one night, take whatever risks that might be involved in that. You know, not just herpes but possible pregnancy and all these other things that most people don't take into consideration. That is actually a risk even with a one-night stand.
... Right, because disclosure brings about that level of trust, right? So that's still available. And plenty of people with herpes do still have one-night stands, but they walk away from those one-night stands still appreciating each other as human beings, as opposed to leaving each other worse for wear. You know, like leaving each other worse than they found them. Like that felt icky because normally it does if there's not actual human connection and it's just empty, you know?
... You know, in your self-awareness, because it's so keen, you could go either way and use it. Use it as fodder to flog yourself with and beat yourself up and judge yourself. Or you can use that same self-awareness as like, "Oh wow, what about this different way?" Right? Like off of, out of these hundreds of paths that I see before me, which one can be the one that's going to evolve me in this situation or this relationship in the best possible way?
... And it's almost this internal compass from fear to whatever the opposite of fear would be. Love sounds kind of kooky, but you know, like changing it from fear-based, using your self-awareness in service of fear. "Oh my god, I'm messing this up again, I'm judging myself" and noticing that internal conflict and switching it into curiosity and excitement and "Oh, what's possible here?" You know, as opposed to "I messed up," like "Oh, how can I do this better? How can this relationship feel better?"
... You know, and then that's kind of a... it's ironic because in either direction you go, the negative direction is that downward spiral. Like "I'm judging myself, so I feel worse, then I judge myself more, so I feel worse, and then I mess up more, so I feel worse, and then the shame comes up." But then in the other direction, it's the upward spiral, you know, where it's like, "Okay, let me see what I can say and how I can say it and how I can interact here and how I can be the best that I can be." And then you do that and then if there's a positive result from it and you get that endorphin hit and it feels good, so then that adds more to your next interaction, right? And so it's an upward spiral, you know.
... So it's just interesting to pay attention to. And it sounds like you're doing this anyway, but not just paying attention to the awareness in your mind of the data points, but also the self-awareness in your body. You know, of like, "Oh, this isn't feeling good. Where's this coming from? Maybe I'm judging, maybe I'm thinking about this negatively." Like your body's gonna signal to you if you're starting to go on to that other fork in the road where you're starting to go in that downward spiral. And just pay attention to your body and like, "Oh, what can I do next that's gonna shift my body sensations to actually feel good?"
... Yeah, it's like the momentum gets built, right? And if it's the momentum of shame and self-flagellation and negativity, then that momentum just keeps picking up and picking up. And ironically it makes it harder to stop the freight train. So the sooner that we can notice that, like, "Oh, I'm going down that path," let me go to the other one and build momentum in that way.
... Well, I hope you got a lot out of that video. And if you did, please let me know. Please like, comment, and subscribe, and keep an eye out for more videos just like this.
"Disclosure brings about that level of trust ... Plenty of people with herpes still have one-night stands, but they walk away still appreciating each other as human beings."
Here's something that might surprise you: having herpes doesn't mean one-night stands are off the table. What it does mean is that you get to bring something most casual encounters are missing ... actual human connection. Even if it's just for one night.
But that's just the entry point. The real gold in this coaching session is about what happens with your self-awareness. You know that voice in your head? The one that notices everything, including every little misstep? You can use that same awareness to beat yourself up (the downward spiral) or to get curious about what's possible (the upward spiral). Your body will tell you which direction you're heading. The sooner you catch the momentum, the sooner you can shift it. And that changes everything.
