Sometimes it can feel easier to just want sex without any connection, to just feel okay again.
But when we consider having the herpes talk beforehand, it can feel terrifying! Why is that?
Because sex itself at first blush might *seem* to be only physical; and disclosure opens us to emotional vulnerability (perhaps sooner than we feel safe to do so).
Disclosure can feel much more intimate and vulnerable than the physical act of sex itself (especially if we are disclosing before we feel we can trust this person with our vulnerability).