Herpes in Long-Term Relationships

She disclosed to me, I accepted, but ...

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BrynbyCommunity Member

I have been dating someone for a month now, shehave disclosed to me that she do have H2, i have accepted it. But, unfortunately because she wants to protect me from it, she has chosen to not move unto a relationship with me (or anyone else) if orwhen the times comes. I have known her for 10 years, from my friendship with her sister and brother in law.  We also have dated and been together 5 years ago, so i have developed very strong feelings for this girl. She is a very sexual person and i have developed that way while with her as well. She's determined that this will ruin my life and i will regret it. But, like i said i do accept it with what it is. I would like toconvince her that it is okay if that situation happened. I do not have H. I do not want to force her on a decision, she do not want. With her not wanting me to get it shows she cares for me very much. We will stay friendsas i want her to stay in my life, i was looking forward it being a life with me. 

Thanks for anyone that replies, even though i dont have H, i was unsure if that was the proper place to post this story. Any advice is appreciated.

Mumof2Community Member

Hi, 

I am not sure if I can help but I will try. From a pov of someone who just have been diagnosed i can understand where she is coming from. But I think you should not give up and reassure her with your feelings and talk about it in more detail. 

Look at the statistics and all the protection u can use when getting intimate. 

Maybe she just needs reassurance that u r in this for real. I am sure that if she likes you half as much as you like her then u can work things out. 

It's all about communication and trust. 

I hope it will work out 

CV452Community Member

Thank you for sharing your story.

I agree with @Mumof2 - keep trying with her (assuming you have a good sense that she actually does like you and if it weren’t for Herpes she would want to build a relationship with you). 

Being diagnosed with H2 can be a very difficult experience - it’s not uncommon for people to feel intense shame and a lack of self-worth and to push people away because dealing with all of those emotions feel too hard. 

Perhaps you can introduce her to H Opportunity? It sounds like what she really needs is some support from others who have walked in her shoes. She may feel like your just “trying to make her feel better” and that you’ll ultimate regret it because for her right now, grappling with the diagnosis is proving to be very difficult and it feels earth shattering for her. She doesn’t want you to feel that way too.  

You sound like someone who really cares about her. Focus on helping her through this first, and then focus on the relationship. Sounds like you have a good foundation. 

Good luck! 

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