Who here has gotten married or found love after herpes?

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A real conversation from the Herpes Opportunity community. For over 13 years, the H Opp forums were a safe space where thousands of people shared their most vulnerable moments. The forums have since sunset, but these stories live on. More in Herpes in Long-Term Relationships →

desertloveCommunity Member

I would like to hear some successful love stories lol. I'm turning 25 next month and I've never been in love. I've been recently diagnosed with HSV2. I'd like to be married one day.

WCSDancer2010Community Member

Oh honey.... you can DEFINITELY get married some day! First off, check out the HUGE list of love stories in the Success Stories section ... don't know how many may have got married or are at least together, but they at least show that if the relationship ends, Herpes wasn't the reason :)

I got H at 17 ... didn't know it till AFTER I was married (I was getting a "rash" but it was the late 70's/early 80's and I was being told I had yeast/BV infections) when I gave it to my now ex hubby... we divorced after 20 years (and 2 beautiful daughters) for completely different reasons. I've had 2 other 3- yr relationships since with H- men who knew about it and chose to stay .. neither got it from me.

So yes, it's VERY possible to find love, get married, have kids, the white picket fence and the rest of the dream. Herpes is just an nuisance skin condition in a really inconvenient place. Don't give it any more power than that ... because it's easy to blame it for all your failed relationships. And those who run when you disclose? Be thankful. Herpes makes a GREAT Wingman. Those that run are often more interested in getting INTO you than into YOU. Be glad you learned that about them early on :) The man you marry and have kids with will love you UNCONDITIONALLY ... promise :)

(((HUGS)))

WCSDancer2010Community Member

YES!!!!!!!

Time for you to read these links then:

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :)

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

2Legit2QuitCommunity Member

I can tell you I ran into an old flame 4-5 months post diagnosis who is not good for me at all. I did disclose to him and he accepted it completely. I even tried to scare him off w it and it didn't work. I'd gotten back involved w a toxic person, had it not been for H. Although he was completely fine w it, for me, I couldn't see myself risking exposing him, when I knew I couldn't see him as something real that had a real chance at lasting. So yes, H helped me not to waste my time w soneone again and force the crazy, strong lust and attraction I have for him, in the backseat and let my brain do the thinking for me, instead of my hormones.

casi1001Community Member

I decided several months ago that I was done hiding and worrying about having the "talk" so I came out in my profile and it was the best thing I have ever done. I should also say that it was a normal dating site (Farmers Only) and not one for those with an STD. I didn't have any luck with that one at all. I had someone contact me about 6 weeks ago (after my coming out) and we have been talking ever since. I think we can both see us together in the future and have talked about everything you can think of including H but time will tell as we are in different states.

Funny thing too, after I came out on my profile I found I was getting alot more "likes" and men contacting me then I did before. Go figure LOL.

NothingGoodGetsAwayCommunity Member

I have! I'm a newbie (contracted in July), and went on a date with a guy from tinder soon after. I've put him through the ringer health wise this summer - currently recovering from a tonsillectomy and was on constant antibiotics for the entire summer. Guess what was the last thing on both our minds? That's right, h took a backseat when we both realized that there were bigger health concerns for me. It doesn't bother him, I'm on suppressives and we've discussed how he might feel if he got it. He tells me that it's not a big deal for him, and honestly after being so sick with tonsils this summer, I've gotten so much more perspective about it. H didn't keep me from running or drinking or partying or sex - tonsillitis did that for me!

I really believe most of how others see h comes from how we see h. If we are scared, ashamed, paranoid or sad, that emotion sneaks out of us and colors the expectations of others. If we accept and love ourselves, the "good ones" out there will too

worriedCommunity Member

@nothinggoodgetsaway that is very well said! I only hope my daughter can feel this way at some point. She is still saying things like "he accepts me", which really bothers me and makes me so upset, because she is worth being accepted by all, and the fact that she feels like only some can accept her because of this just hurts me so bad! I don't think she thinks too highly of herself right now, and that makes me sad.

@francina7, I would love to know those answers too because it would be good to share with my daughter.

Francina7Community Member

He told straight away as he is my best friend and knows how I get very much stressed and scared when I am lied to. The ex before that broke my trust. All his ex GFs were prostitutes, he was a sex-addict and he had herpes too and I was going to marry him. It left me devastated that I almost ruined a man who didn't give much importance to my future and safety nor cared about my well-being.

My current BF is honest and loving. So I had no trouble.

Francina7Community Member

I shared in a comment above. Your daughter deserves better. She deserves to be loved, treasured and appreciated. Not merely accepted. It sounds more like being tolerating a bad puppy. M current BF seems to be doing better now as he did use natural cure which involved lots of nice herbs, massages, breathing techniques, yoga, etc. Please do some research and guide her.

Elise1977Community Member

Well, I am not married, but I disclosed to my boyfriend after I was tested (routine by my request) for HSV six months into our relationship. It has been just over a week since disclosure, and after my initial hysteria/freak out, everything is moving along swimmingly. We talked a lot over the weekend about moving in together, and making it "legal" some day. I'm confident at this point that if our relationship ends, it will not be because of H.

Look, we are all "accepted" for something. No one is perfect. Every single person will have something that a partner will have to come to terms with - whether it's something as unimportant but annoying as always leaving dirty socks on the floor, to something huge like having cancer, or extended unemployment - things that really do change your life. Relationships end for reasons all the time. H might add an initial hurdle, probably a lot because of the toll it seems to take on self-confidence, but there are people out there who are willing to look past it, as long as YOU are. If you convince yourself that you are unlovable, and that this virus is the cause, then you're going to struggle.

Love yourself, first. The rest will follow. It will.

worriedCommunity Member

@francina7 Thank you! I know she does, and I need to share your statement with her. I have been doing all the research and telling her about all I find. She just needs to build her confidence back up I guess. She just found out this past May, and is still trying to figure things out I guess.

@Elise1977 I love your statement about us all being "accepted" for something and no one is perfect. That is so true. I need to get her to read what you said, because you are so right. If you convince yourself that you are unlovable, then you will struggle. I just have to get her past this hurdle.

I wish she would go on this site and read everything I do because it is so helpful, and lets you know you aren't alone.

I have been sick to my stomach all day today playing her comment that "he accepts her" in my head over and over. I love everyone's responses, and I plan to share them with her. Thank you!!

whitedaisiesCommunity Member

Awesome!!!' Happy for you.

I am newly divorced and haven't dated much. Most of my relationships have been people I met through work or friends etc. on line dating has me super scared and then on top of disclosing to someone new is petrifying. My disclosures have been rather safe ones with little risk of them bolting mostly bc they were good friends.

I don't know if I could ever do it. But awesome that you did.

StarsinhereyesCommunity Member

I had to get on here just to post this... The answer is emphatically YES!!! (First - I've had more than one successful disclosure that ended with sex. But more importantly, I had a successful disclosure that ended with the best thing that I ever happened to me.)

I have GSHV1 and my fiancé (getting married in early 2016!!!) has HSV1 orally and I remember when I disclosed to him that he gave the most perfect response: I'm sorry that happened to you.

Not because he thought there was something wrong with me, or that I was damaged or broken or dirty, but because he had dealt with visible cold sores on his mouth and knew how cruel people can be. He honestly didn't even know the difference between HSV1 and HSV2; even if I had HSV2, it wouldn't have mattered to him. I also know several people who have H- long-term partners. It happens, I promise.

The right person will love you for you. They won't "accept" your herpes, or "tolerate" your flaws. They will love every tiny bit of you. Remember that we all have our own shit we're terrified to tell people, because deep down we all worry at least a little that we're not "enough."

Be honest and upfront and know that we all have to take risks and be vulnerable in order to find true, deep, human connection. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Cheryl Strayed: "Be brave enough to break your own heart."

Community Member

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Community Member