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The fact that you are about to have this conversation, the fact that you're considering having this conversation...
Hi, I'm Adrial, creator of the Herpes Opportunity.
Recognizing that that storyline of "Well, I'm not really feeling heard" could actually be used as a deterrent for you opening your heart. And that both of those things could kind of be in parallel, where it's like, "I am still going to be available and open, and I could also not be heard." Or I could be right, that that worry of not being heard doesn't get to mask or create a wall around your heart. That's the hero's journey, right?
... It's like knowing that that could be something that comes up is half the battle too, right? Because you can be aware of that and be like, "Oh, I'm starting to shut down now. Okay, all right, take a breath. Be available. Be present."
... How much more is available in a relationship when you actually have the courage and the sovereignty to step into these kinds of conversations as they're needed, as opposed to letting them fester or like smoldering burning over years and then it has to be a breakup? But now you're like, "I'm nipping this in the bud. Okay, let's talk about this now."
... Right, so right there, you can already on some level celebrate. And this is the importance of micro wins in your life, right? Celebrating the micro wins. That even before you get to the conversation itself, the fact that you are about to have this conversation, the fact that you're considering having this conversation... Yay! Okay, doesn't even matter. Worst-case scenario, the conversation goes sideways. Okay, it's a horror, whoa, that was awkward, whatever. Worst-case scenario, you still had the conversation that you wouldn't have actually had space for in the past.
... Yeah, and can't you feel that in your body? Like there's not the tightness of having this conversation as much anymore. It's like there's a little more... instead of having your fists clenched, it's like, okay. You know, that whole, I think it's a Buddhist thing, of you can't grab water from a stream. You can't just grab it, but you can let it flow through your fingers. And you're like, you have your hands open and you're like, "I'm letting this relationship flow through, and I'm not trying to grab onto it. I'm just like, okay, where are we?"
... Right, and then you are like, I mean, that is the feeling of curiosity, isn't it? Because curiosity always brings more curiosity. It's not like, "I'm curious about something and I want to know the absolute end-all be-all capital T truth, and then I'm going to stop being curious." No. Curiosity is always this continual blossoming over and over again. So you're just open.
... So there's the security piece. There are different layers of security, right? I mean, of course we go straight to paycheck and "Am I going to be on the streets?" and all of that. But security starts from just that foundational trust in yourself. That's where security is, really, if you go to the core of it. The paycheck and the job and the apartment is all downstream of your own self-trust.
... Like your own, "Do I trust myself to do the things that I say I'm gonna do?" Your relationship to yourself. Do you know where the word "confident" comes from? It's the Latin confidere. It means "with great trust."
... So how are you really confident? In our culture, confidence almost feels like it's this bravado thing, like, "I'm confident, I'm self-confident, look at me." And if you have to put it on somehow, like it's a mask. But true confidence is self-trust. It's like, "I know I'm gonna do what I say I'm gonna do," while also knowing that I can and will fall on my face even when I do make promises. Okay, but I get back up and I keep going, and I know who I am. It's from there that true confidence springs.
... So, and that's security too. It's all kind of the same word in different facets, right? Feeling secure, feeling confident. It's like, yeah, even, you know, I hate to keep bringing up worst-case scenarios, but if you lose your apartment, you lose Greg, whatever. What are you left with? Do you say that "I no longer have security"? No. Even in that worst-case scenario, you can fall on that rock inside yourself. Like, "I'm still... I'm gonna do this. I can do this. I will do this. I trust myself to figure this out."
... I hope you got a lot out of that video. And if you did, please let me know. Please like, comment, and subscribe, and keep an eye out for more videos just like this.
"Do you know where the word 'confident' comes from? It's the Latin confidere. It means 'with great trust.' True confidence is self-trust. It's like, I know I'm gonna do what I say I'm gonna do."
In our culture, confidence looks like bravado. Like putting on a mask. Like performing "look at me" energy. But strip away the performance and confidence is really just this: trusting yourself. Knowing that you'll do what you say you'll do. And knowing that even when you fall on your face (and you will), you'll get back up.
This coaching session digs into what that actually looks like in practice. It starts with celebrating the micro wins, like even considering having a hard conversation with someone. That took courage, regardless of how it goes. It moves into the idea that security doesn't start with a paycheck or a relationship. It starts with your own relationship with yourself. When you can fall on that rock inside yourself and say, "I trust myself to figure this out," that's where real confidence lives. Not in the bravado. In the quiet knowing.
