So I really struggled whether to post this story or not BUT considering how big of a step this was for me and how I struggled so much for the past year, I thought it was important to share for the newly diagnosed.
My path was likely longer than others BUT I still got here and I am settling into acceptance.
I had sex for the first time in a year!!!! And some of the most important things I learned was:
1) sex is absolutely amazing with someone who is worthy of you and you of them and in my case, it didnt have to mean love BUT it did have to mean kindness, compassion, mutual respect and some lust and lots of like.
2) I was able to accept that he didnt care about the virus and wanted to have sex with me instead making the decision for him to not engage.
3) I barely thought about h at all the whole time. And when it entered my head, I shooed it away.
These things are HUGE for me and if I can do it....anyone can.
I had lots of anxiety before the day and had a few good friends talk me through it and let me ramble
Everyone is worthy of sexual pleasure no matter what baggage we carry and denying it is denying our humanity. It needs to be done with responsibility in our case but IMO it always should.
So I am hoping that some people who really struggled like I did can see that even the people who dug themselves deep into a pit can still climb and claw their way out!!!!
Yay! So happy for you! You deserve it! :)
Awesome!!!!! I'm so happy for you!!!
Thanks @Sadpanda and @shocked80
So far so good down there. Trying not to anticipate pain. Actually strangely I feel better down there. I dunno what's going on with me. Maybe I just need more sex lol!
That gives me hope! Very happy for you!
@startinganew22
I am so glad this helped you and it's exactly why I posted it. Everyone's journey is different but the end result is hopefully acceptance, a new appreciation of oneself and their partner and movement forward.
Hugs
You know how proud I am of you. Glad you FINALLY got there! LOL
Hope I stay here for a while. I am enjoying leaving the place of deprivation of sex as a punishment for getting herpes.
Still working on forgiving myself. I got hsv1 because I deprived myself of many years of being the whole me. And when all that deprivation was released it was like getting out of jail and I gave into my vulnerability at the wrong time and with the wrong person.
I hope now I can embrace all the areas of myself that need to be loved and attended to with care.
Ok so I was a little irritated after sex. Barely noticeable. I am afraid today it's worse. I know it's not h; it's from friction as he was larger than I am used to, we overdid it clearly, and I don't think I used enough lube.
So I am hoping it will go away. It's on the inside base of the opening of my vagina. Kind of irritated slight itch feeling. Could be condom too.
I have never been irritated after sex before. What can I do to speed up the irritated area. My usual hot showers for nerve pain aren't doing it. And I am not planning to have sex for a few weeks anyway. Any advice?
For general soothing of the area... I used to take baths with epsom salt, lavender oil, and a "tea bag" (made from an old sock or pair of hose) with comfrey, arnica, and calendula). You will need to rinse thoroughly afterwards.. it does a lot to take out the "trauma".
*disclaimer: I haven't tried this since H, but I can't imagine it wouldn't help. all of those herbs are great for soothing and healing.
Oh, and HUGE congrats!!!!! :)
Thanks for the advice @DrNoLove
I will try tonight.
Congrats on getting groovy again!
You say the irritation is not from H. Are you sure about that? The friction from sex is a well known trigger for some. Happened to me (guy) first time I had sex after dx. Lube and going slower may alleviate that, if that is indeed the cause of your irritation.
My bf is average but I'm always sore the day after, and before I was on valtrex (pre-diagnosis), that is exactly when my papercut things (outbreaks I know now), would appear. I noticed changing the duration and speed helps with that. In fact, the last time I had sex things got a little too fast again and went on a little too long, but surprisingly, although I was a tad sore I didn't outbreak. However, my bf did. In the exact spot where all the friction was. ;(.
I use coconut oil for lube and reapply as needed. I think it really helps. Plus it's anti fungal, antiviral, and antibacterial. So it may keep the trifecta of yucks away too. But I think H changes us down there somewhat. In my case anyway, things are more sensitive and I have to be careful not to get dry or have jackrabbit sex (which I don't care for anyway). Also HIGHLY recommend a vibrating ring, it keeps things flowing and well, it will change your life. ;)
Don't give up, you may have to make adjustments but it's so worth it. Hugs!
Thanks guys!!!
I was a bit dry as I was a bit nervous and I didn't use lube the first time we had sex. I am pretty sure it's just irritation. We had sex 3 times that one night and one time was quite rough. Moreover never had this symptom before in my whole year of h so I am pretty sure it's just irritation.
I will try coconut oil as I think the lube might be doing it too bc I always used it on the outside before. This time it was in the inside and I am super sensitive with stuff down there.
@sadpanda and @ihaveittoo1975 thank u for ur support.
I get no external lesions. I think mine are internal so it's tough to know anyway. But I always have burning before an ob or as a prodome. Never this type of itch or irritation and it's focused at the bottom of vaginal opening. I have one more pcr swab left. I guess I could use it. I have yet toget a positive swab down there and have yet to confirm ghsv1.
I dunno
@Sadpanda
I will try the vibrating ring lol thx for the tip.
Oh and I had to look up jackrabbit sex to see what you meant lol....yes I guess we did have that so could explain lots about irritation.
I am convinced its not h (for me the h detective lol)
Will work on slower next time. We were a little excited as our first time together and my first time post h in a year. We will have to slow it down me t time.
Still contemplating whether to swab so I know for sure if I get the feeling next time. Maybe Some can give me some advice. I only hve one left then will have to order another and costs $75 each.
@whitedaises My bf had bought one and brought it over. I thought it looked weird and like it would get in the way at first, now I can't live without it. Lol. They are squishy like silicone and get warm during use. The one I have has 3 speeds and nubby things. Sooo amazing. ;)
I would wait it out to swab, I'm not an expert with the prodromes, but if it were an ob coming, you should know in a few days I would think. With me the obs came on the next day after sex, (before I knew what they were). And my bf had his post sex ob within 3 days after sex. I know everyone is different but that's our timeline. Also, regular lubes always irritated me for a few days. So it could be that also...
@Sadpanda
I don't think it's h. I don't want to use the swab.
I haven't used condoms in a while either. Years in fact so I think it's just irritation from a bunch of stuff.
Wow what a glowig report for the "ring" I will have to try it now lol.
Feeling better tonight. Not h. Just irritation.
@sadpanda what brand is the ring? I used one once a long time ago but it barely did anything. I'd love to try another!
Speaking of those rings, it gives a little peace of mind to those of us with OBs in the pubic area too. Sort've like a protective bumper in case that exact spot is more likely to shed :p
@startinganew22 I asked my bf last night and he said he thinks it was the Trojan multi speed. We tossed the box when we got it but he said Meijer has them. But I saw one last night at Target that looked interesting. The durex little devil. Lol. It has flappy flame like things coming out of it. I didn't get it but I might have t
@sil88 yeah that's true, I hadn't thought of that. Maybe I should try the duo one since that has a bumper on the bottom too, where I usually ob.
And glad you're feeling better @whitedaisies
@Sadpanda thank you. I am dying to try this ring my goodness!!!
I feel better and then it comes back. Weird. Just like irritation. I am going to try bath with Epsom salts today. And put some zinc cream for the external itch. The internal irritation is gone now.
@Sadpanda so you just buy a bottle of coconut oil at the health food store?
@whitedaisies it actually comes in a jar. I got mine at super Target but health food stores and many grocery stores sell it now too. I was told to get organic unrefined so it's pure. It's solid at room temp but melts when you touch it. It feels and smells great. I put it in my coffee too so I have a smaller jar that I scooped some in for bedroom use and the main jar I keep in the kitchen. It expires quickly so keep an eye on it. Initially I bought too many jars and they went bad before I used it all.
i found some coconut in liquid form at the health food store. Love it. says pure, unrefined on the bottle.
I am going tomorrow. Lol
RE Coconut oil:
I was recently sent a bottle of Fractionated Coconut Oil to try and I have to say I'm impressed so far. For one, no smell (I like the smell of coconut but I don't always want to smell like I just returned from Aruba!), it's so light you can put it in a sprayer and it stays liquid and it's VERY stable.... it also doesn't stain sheets and it's supposedly got higher concentrations of the anti-viral properties...making it a great option for those with herpes!
I wrote a blog about it here:
http://productreviewsbypam.blogspot.com/2015/04/la-vida-essentials-fractionated-coconut.html
And you can buy it here: http://amzn.to/1F10r3V
Great thanks. I will purchase.
Xo
@WCSDancer2010 , does the fractionated absorb quickly though? Unstained sheets would be nice, but it would have to have some greasy staying power to work as a personal lubricant. I may get some myself if it has staying power.
@Sadpanda so no irritation from the coconut oil? I guess I can use it before to find out.
I still get itchy which I think is a combo of takig too many hot showers and ruining my skin and the lube and condoms.
Sigh wondering f I am going to forever be using condoms
@whitedaisies , I've had no irritation with the coconut oil. In fact, it's really soothing when I am itchy from an ob. Regular lubes I think I'm allergic too, because I would have a "ring of fire" for a few days after. I haven't tried the fractionated yet, just the solid. Waiting to find out if that can be used as a lubricant. If it absorbs into skin, then it won't be a good lube I would imagine. So if you try that one, or someone else, please post the results. I love my jarred coconut oil, but it does stain sheets. :/
I had to quit taking the pill again, so we are using condoms unless it's period wk. I actually don't mind, because even though we are both h2 pos, his dr won't prescribe him meds for suppression. And I worry that maybe he will have prodromes and not know it, and trigger an ob in me too. Or vice versa even though I'm on valtrex. Anyway, condoms will hopefully reduce the risk of that.
*should also note that you shouldn't use any oils with latex condoms as they will break. Only polyurethane.
His prodome shouldn't trigger an ob in you.
The friction is likely doing it.
At least that's what they say.
I will let you know which one i use. At this point I am in sex remorse a bit. Wondering if the risk was worth it for him. I mean sex was great, he enjoyed but is it worth contracting sthng?
The good thing is I am not letting the fear stop me , the bad thing is it's still in my head. We also didnt use a condom for a bit so it makes me nervous.
I guess that's a revelation for me. Before I let fear limit me and now I am learning to live and respect it. Hummm progress I guess.
I can't take the pill it throws me all out of wack.
@Sadpanda
Well, I spoke too soon. Had sex Saturday and all was fine until today. Woke up with the same sharp needley pains where I always get them. Some burning and discharge too. Kill me now. So sick of this. ;(
I hear u @sadpanda.
I had an ob near belly button I think
I hate this shit.
I know this virus is disseminated and I can't prove it as my bumps are very tiny and usually only one wih no fluid. They are never gonna turn up positive on pcr and I have pain in the area preceding their appearance. Wtf else could it be.
I am on famvir as valtrex didn't do anything and I am still having breakthrough shit.
I am at wits end. I feel like a damn walking virus. I can handle herpes ok I don't like it but if I got a break out now and then I would be fine. By seriously at least 3 x per month I have it and as soon as emotionally I feel in a better place another one hits me.
I am emotionally tired.
I am still gonna have sex though when thr pain and bumps go away. Fuck if this virus is in a stop me from being human.
@whitedaisies , me too. ;( Are you taking any antivirals?
Yes valtrex did zero
In famvir now so pain is less but they still come frequently ven in my oral area cheeks and neck and the pain is less and shorter duration but it is still there.
Why can't they come up with better meds.
I hate beig a freak in my own herpes community. It's bad enough I lost my friends and bf bc of and my family distanced themselves from me bc I got it so bad they were afraid.
I am trying to pick up the pieces and soldier on and be normal maybe if I go through the motions of being normal eventually I will actually become that.
This guy can't get enough of me and he treats me very well. He is kind and compassionate. But he won't do the blood test , he says he doesn't care....assume I am positive all my partners had cold sores.
I am feeling really low again. I hate it. I hate being a damn whiner. I was so fucking strog before this. I put up wih so much bullshit and soldiered on without hesitation. This is beating me and it's making me so angry.
@sadpanda
@whitedaisies, I am so sorry. ;(. I haven't told anyone else besides my bf, my best friend, and an ex of mine who didn't respond. I hate that ppl reject us as if the virus isn't bad enough on it's own.
@Sadpanda thanks
I have to figure out how to live with this go forward. I try and I get better then back in the pit I go.
Anyway I am tired of me. Whining is done.
Thanks for listening.
Since getting herpes, I bought coconut oil too because I kept hearing about it. Now I use it for everything! I love it! I use it for lotion, as a hair mask, for OBs, pleasure times, cooking..... What a great product haha
@Sadpanda
Well I haven't tried it as a lube (no opportunity ....yet!) but I used it it in my massage office and it does absorb to a point but it also leaves a nice amount of glide behind ... so all I can say is try it and if it doesn't work as a lube, you can use it for massaging each other, cooking, essential oil carrier, etc :)
