I just read a post from a friend complaining that she had a terrible day, "I got my period, got a cold sore, ..." WTF?! I wanted to scream, you have herpes! You're not ashamed because it's on your lips and not YET on your vagina. But hey, just give a guy a blow job and ta-da, you have now fallen into our side of the world where it's a shameful and hidden thing. I'm not saying that's how I feel, I'm saying that's how most of society views us. It's soooo unfair! It makes me want to inform people that a cold sore isn't different from one on your genitals. It's the same thing but she can annouce it on FB while those with genital H have to feel dirty and scared and alone. We really need to change to perception. We need doctors and teachers to change this perception. If 80% of the world have cold sores, it should not cause this much pain to get one on your genitals. This makes me want to annouce it to the world and fight for the truth...we are not dirty or gross. We are not any different from anyone else. We have a minor skin issue that is annoying but not life threatening. I want to fight this perception and I guess it starts with me in my own life. I'm not sure what I'll do yet but it is a thought that is brewing in me.
Why do you think I started this Herpes Opportunity thing, sista? ;)
We're all getting on the same page about this as a herpes population. There is an blatant disparity that cold sores carry no shame and genital herpes somehow fall into an entirely separate shame-filled category. Definitely blows my mind. And shifting the stigma/shame is not going to be accomplished by being angry about other people not getting it (trust me, not judging you for it, just recognizing all the anger I've had around it before) ... It will be accomplished by each of us simultaneously having compassion for the ignorance out there that herpes is some horrible monster AND that in reality it's just a minor skin condition. And whenever we do speak about it to others, it shows up as just what it is, without being wrapped in all that stigma and shame.
And that's what we're all moving toward in this movement. You are speaking to the herpes opportunity manifesto. That there's no good reason to hide in the shadows because of a simple little annoying virus. That we are holding ourselves back from who we truly are if we think a virus changes any of that. Shame-free STDs in general is the next big movement in wiping shame off the map as far as I'm concerned. I'm glad you're taking a stand with me, SingBlueSilver. ;)
Hey VirgoGirl! Yep, I have had a project in the works (so many projects, so little time!) that would work with that concept exactly. It basically has everyone line up side by side virtually and all at the same moment, take a step across the line to show yourself. :) Shame can only exist in the shadows. When enough people come out of the closet, then all the power shame once had is deflated. It takes enough people to really trust that it's not as a big enough deal to hide about.
I'm friggin' excited reading all of this. Thank you for starting this thread, SingBlueSilver! I feel a hand-held snowball building momentum into a juggernaut snowball. ;) Let's start brainstorming on what this special community project would look like ... Breaking down the walls of silence as a collective force. I see it as us nudging our snowball down the top of a mountain and watching it as it builds momentum and size until enough people are "out" from the shadows and into the truth.
Here's the idea I've been mulling over for quite a while, which sounds like its time has come. I can put more effort into this project after the H Opportunity weekend is over (in a few weeks):
1. We submit our own and then recruit others to submit their own "Shame profile" — a shame profile includes a) a blurred photo of the person, b) their alias, c) what being ashamed of having herpes has impacted their life, and d) what is available to this person once shame is shed. (Anything else that would be good to include/ask?)
2. Once we reach a certain number of people who fill out a profile (any ideas on what a good number would be? 1,000? 10,000?), ALL profiles go public at the same time — all of our pictures go up live, our actual full names, etc.
What does this do? It will allow all of us to step across the line at the same time. As one, united tribe. With no shame. Celebrating who we truly are on the other side of hiding.
What do you all think? I'd love to hear all of your ideas on how to make this project even better! This is going to be HUGE. :)
Yes, I love post secret, too. And this project will be different than that. It will add in the layer of everyone's "secret" becoming public once a certain number is reached. The only reason herpes stays secret is because of the bullshit story we are all collectively believing that having herpes means we're somehow not enough. The "stepping across the line into the light" as a united group is where this project derives its power to heal and transform. When a tribe of enough people chooses to step in unison, then the shame has that much less power to work with. The stigma starts to dissolve.
The newsworthiness of this project is huge. Getting Planned Parenthoods and health clinics (each county in the US has a health clinic) involved should be a no-brainer. Once a few news outlets pick us up, the momentum will be unstoppable. But it takes all of us in a concerted effort to spread the word and make this happen. I definitely won't be able to do this alone. And I hear that you're with me. We can join forces to do a campaign that plasters the message all over where it counts.
I'll plan on setting up a conference call with all the people who end up on this thread who want to help out. This is all happening in November. I'm officially excited! ;)
Of course this isn't just an American thing! We don't discriminate. ;) I think any country that speaks English would work for now. We have people in Canada, New Zealand, Australia, England, etc. Anyone who wants to throw in their energy and positivity with this movement is more than welcome!
Yes, in response to Kaande & SBS, I think we should keep this to just herpes for now. Trust me, this shamelessness campaign will be taken to other areas where shame dwells in the future, but it dilutes it if we go for everywhere at once.
Great! So I don't have much time to work on this before November, but do want to get this ball rolling ... What are your ideas on what you want to include on our MANIFESTO? (This will be plastered all over the (h) opportunity websites for people to download to really get what we're all about.)
Here's a quick mockup of the style I'm going to be creating for it:
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... and here are all the statements I've thought of so far (what would you add?):
Life is vulnerable. Show yourself anyway.
A lot more people are waiting to love you than to judge you.
Life happens once. But love happens infinitely. Love to your fullest.
Fear only holds you back if you believe what it has to say.
Accept yourself first. Love those who shame you.
Know that you're lovable, sexy, whole and worth it.
Others may reject herpes. Never reject yourself.
Who you are is more important than what you have.
You are more than you believe yourself to be.
The greater your desire to hide, the greater your opportunity.
Shamelessness. (Shame points to more opportunities for wholeness.)
Self love = self acceptance.
Letting go of herpes stigma means letting go of the myth that your not enough.
Stepping out of shame and into the light is revealing the true you.
Authenticity can be scary. It's risky to show who you are. Do it anyway.
The only way to end the stigma is to accept myself first. Then others.
Herpes doesn't have the power to change your life. You do.
Great! Glad you like it so far. Regardless, how about everyone throw in some statements that really call to them about what this movement is about for you. Any idea is welcome! Let's get the idea generation rollin'!
I'll be building upon this page that will end up being the website for our Shamelessness Project: /the-shamelessness-project
It's all manual for now. I would have to pay a programmer to automate the process, which I don't have the funds for at the moment. Hopefully once this thing gets rollin' I can afford to do that. :)
NOTE: If you haven't submitted your profile yet, here's the page again: /the-shamelessness-project
Shannon, I agree that we could get 100,000 or even 1 million (the million herpes march!) ;) with enough enthusiastic supporters AND I want to be clear that I need a lot of help from everyone in this community to make that happen. I hear that you're dedicated, Shannon, (feels good to hear) and I hear others sporadically chiming in, and I NEED to know that when we launch this thing (whatever our target number) that we have plenty of our people all over the place with equal enthusiasm with us getting that number ... and that everyone is dedicated to giving that kind of energy in calling places like Planned Parenthood, clinics and complementary safer sex/STD organizations. I feel 10,000 at this point is doable with the current amount of enthusiastic people behind it. And at this point, I set up the website all by hand and it's not automated. I want to eventually raise enough money before too long to automate the site so I won't be putting up profiles manually all the way up through the 10,000th one.
SO ... WHO ELSE reading this thread right now wants to jump in to be at the forefront of this movement? It will mean printing off flyers that I'm going to be designing to hang up at all the places listed above and calling places to email them the flyer as a pdf, calling news organizations (I'm wide open to doing interviews for this), etc. As far as I see it, before we can REALLY launch this thing with a blitzkrieg of action, we'll need at least 50 people who are dedicated to making this happen with me.
I just set up a SUPER SECRET Facebook page (meaning NO ONE on facebook will know you're a part of this group or see anything we post). If you would like to be an integral member in making this happen, please request to join the page!
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It's invite only, so message me your Facebook page and I can add you to our VIP list. ;)
Oh, and Kaande, definitely feel free to post the shamelessness project to your other facebook group. I'm more than happy to go manual until we can either find someone (Kristin?) to automate it or raise enough funds to hire a programmer to do it. But definitely feel free to post it! And I haven't gotten your submission to the site yet ... ;)
