I am a mid 20s male who has a decent job and a good amount of confidence (or did anyways) I had an std like five years ago in college but it was treatable and I have been paranoid and careful ever since. I am now 27 and really need some advice. I am getting tested soon but am virtually certain I have it as I had th Classic symptoms. My ex of two years was cheating on me with two or three Different people and I was devastated and entered a bad depression. Drinking too much and trying to forget her my friends and I went out and I met a girl who was on a break with a guy she had seen for six years. She and I hit it off and seemed to be able to relate with what I was going through. I shouldn't have gotten involved because I knew the guy was still in the picture with her. But I was hurting and trying to forget.
We hung out for a while and had sex probably ten times or so. The first couple without protection cause I trusted her which was dumb of me. And I know better but I was so hurt and depressed. Either way. symptoms started and I got tested for everything which was negative but I believe I have herpes and will confirm soon. But all symptoms were There. I have been borderline suicidial now
Basically I want to know how to forgive myself. Just made life so much harder for myself and I'm still so young. I even disclosed to a girl I've been hanging out with for the past couple months. (After a couple months of just being depressed and doing nothing). She said as its not official to wait on it but says we can probably make it work either way. Basically I just feel so guilty of I have this and should end it with her. I feel not worthy and that she should find some other guy to make her happy. It sucks cause we have so much in common and I truly love her already after two months and she says it to me. I just don't want to put her through these feelings I feel now. Everywhere I read people talk so negative about herpes. I went from a good looking confident twenty something with so much potential. Now I just feel broken and think I should let her go. Any advice guys? Thanks guys. She told me she probably wouldn't have gotten involved with me that way if she knew beforehand I had this but she says she loves me too much now and doesn't want to let me go
Don't worry, the way you're feeling is temporary.. Im 27 too and was in a similar situation, like a double-hit with the breakup and now hsv (assuming it is). Time will fix it, you just have to get through the days until then without stressing too much. Shit happens, you learn to deal with it and you'll be less affected by any other bad news you might get in the future. Don't bother blaming yourself, what happened was human nature.. we made those decisions and have to stand by them. Hindsight makes it seem stupid, but without that you'd probably do the same again. You're still a good looking confident 27yo with a good job etc... Just with a slight catch, a challenge to figure out once you've recovered. None of the rest changes, imagine how you'd feel without a good job or good looks. Have you got sores to swab btw? What's the confirmation you're waiting for if everything came back negative already?
I am waiting on a blood test which I will have within a couple weeks. Thank you so much for the reply.
Hello @Oldspice,
I've had genital herpes since I was 20. It seems like a huge deal now, but in the long run it really isn't. Seems like you need to get confirmation first. If it is herpes its not the end of the world. Sounds like the young woman your seeing now is a keeper. Don't break up with with her just because you may have herpes. You said that she said we can probably work it out either way. Sounds to me like she thinks you're worth it. Study the handouts and ebook you can download from this site. Read thru the Informational Blog. Watch Adrials Videos. Read this and the rest of support truth and dialog. Educate yourself about herpes. Believe me, if you have it you can live with it. You still have the potential you've always had. I have 28 years experience with herpes now. Got married, had kids, been working for the same company almost 24 years now. Life is normal.
On an unrelated note... Your screen name reminded me of a routine off of Eddie Murphys first comedy album back in 1982. I was in high school when I first heard it and it's still funny to me today. Sounds like you could use a good laugh now...enjoy.
@Oldspice
Hello and Welcome friend!
Forum Mom here! Wish I could just take you in my arms and give you a hug.... let you know it will be ok. I've had it since I was 17... got it the FIRST time I had sex (How's that for luck??) Like you, made a stupid mistake. I'm 54 now... and I can tell you, while your feelings are understandable and quite normal, DO know you can live a 99% "normal" life ... (the 1% is the amount of time that this issue should really occupy your mind over time...). Right now you are in shock, dealing with something you really know nothing about, and likely seeing everything from the worst possible aspects, because you have no point of reference about what it's REALLY like for the vast majority of us.
I've been married, had 2 kids, gave it to the (now ex) hubby because in the 80's we knew little about it and I was told I just had a rash/yeast infections...so my experience there happened because of ignorance. Had 2 beautiful girls who are H-, got (amicably) divorced and had 2 three year relationships since where neither guy got it from me. I'm "out" and have had my status on my dating profiles and still had H- guys want to date me.
My point is, Herpes has been a minor speed bump in my life......I know right now you feel like you hit a huge speed bump at 90 and you are reeling from the shock, so for now, just slow down, catch your breath, and hang with us for awhile. We will hold your hand through this and help you get a better perspective on all this.
As for the girl, yes, read the link that @ihaveittoo gave you about how H can be your Wingman. This girl obviously thinks enough about you that she's willing to learn how to live with a minor virus that may be an inconvenience at times. She sees worth in you and right now, I know you are finding it hard to accept it because you are beating yourself up.
So - as for how you got Herpes. You were hurting. You turned to someone for comfort, You made an error of judgement. YOU ARE HUMAN! Part of that is making mistakes, some of which have longer term consequences than others. What matters is, are you willing to learn from this, grow from this, and become a better person from the experience? Because if you hang here for awhile, you will see that in the grand scheme of things, Herpes is a nuisance skin condition in a really inconvenient place for some (remember 80% of people don't even know they have it)... and for a very few, yes, it's more challenging. But there are sooo many things that can affect our health out there. The ONLY reason you are beating yourself up for this is because you got it having SEX! If you got it from sharing a drink with someone, or from a tick while walking in the woods, or from eating some piece of fruit, would you feel the same about it? I doubt it. You would likely be on a forum like ours asking how to deal/live with it, but you probably wouldn't be suicidal.
So please, be gentle on yourself. And let that beautiful young woman love you exactly as you are, with ALL your "flaws" (We all have plenty!). Don't push her away. She's here to teach you something about yourself - that you are worthy of love. And I'll bet that you were looking for that validation when you got H (Many of us were doing EXACTLY that when WE got H!) ... you just got unlucky. AND, this young lady is now in your life, showing up and stepping up and validating you... so, let her love you, and take the relationship as it comes and see where things go. Don't let a stupid little virus get between you.
great tips for newbies
Hi guys I have a couple questions. My symptoms originally were a small sore spot on my penis which did dry out and kind of scab, but it wasn't at all painful and a groin rash which was quite red and extensive and covered my penis and scrotum. I still have some redness from this that never went away. I did not get into the doctors early enough and the small sore was virtually gone and I showed them my groin rash and described everything and multiple doctors told me it looked like a fungal or yeast infection. But I know a yeast infection doesn't scab. My only other symptom was a very sore left leg which I am worried is neuralgia or a sciatica thing.
I basically accepted I had herpes even though several doctors told me I didn't but it was only upon my visual inspection which was probably about a week after symptoms started which was likely too late. I am leaving town soon and have the opportunity for a blood test which is not available where I live. I am going to take this. Is there any possible chance this could come back negative? My life has been revolved around herpes since this event and I have obsessed over it. It is now five months after so it should be conclusive either way. I am only going for business for a couple days so I will be emailed the results. I truly hope it's not in the false positive range. Is there any way I could not have this?
Thank you for your reply WCSDancer2010. Do you have any input to my situation? I will be testing in two or three days and am extremely anxious.
I will add those were my only symptoms. I had no flu like symptoms at all. And the spot that scabbed/dried out did not hurt at all and was probably a fair bit smaller than a pencil eraser but that and the leg pain worries me. I had several doctors tell me my itchy groin rash was fungal and not herprs. I had a picture of the initial sore spot and showed them as I couldn't get in early enough and they still weren't overly worried. But I think based on that and the leg pain it probably is. Any input? Anxiety is sky high for my test
There is no way to tell you what your results will be. I am a female and I get that bright red skin in the groin grease too. I too have nerve issues from herpes. I had severe neuropathy for fourth months, but I don't have that issue now. I always am tender on my buttock and back of thighs I'd sitting in a hard surface, but that's even getting less after all this time.
Do you still have the rash? Did any of the meds help they gave you for yeast? Your symptoms sound like they could be, but you never know. Unfortunately you're just going to have to wait for the rest. I'm sorry, I know how stressful it can be, but just know, you'll be fine either way.
The leg pain came maybe a week or two after my groin symptoms but I had also hurt my back in the gym and a doctor suggested it could be related. The left leg pain lasted probably a week or two. The cream and oral tablets seemed to help some but who knows. I had a lingering groin rash that left and returned for another month or two without elavong and I went in again and two doctors said a fungal infection. But I did have a small spot that scabbed initially. That's my biggest worry. I have almost accepted that I have this.
Well I wouldn't out the cart before the horse, but I would take precautions until you can get a definitive diagnosis
Thanks for the reply. Do you think there's any chance I don't based on what I have described?
Well, 50-50 either way. Hard to tell now. Sorry I can't give you a more definitive response.
Well thanks guys. I should have my results within the next three or four days. I'm terrified to be honest and so full of regret and self hatred. I am sure it is going to be positive. I had a small penis sore (not painful) , groin rash and left leg pain. I hope really badly it could just be a fungal infection or something else but I highly doubt it.
What are you terrified of, w having herpes?
Honestly if I have it physically it's been nothing. But I guess just rejection or fear of being judged. I am seeing a girl now and she's amazing and I told her everything I was worried about and she wants to stick around regardless. She says she loves me but I'm scared if it's positive she'll leave me. Also scared of putting her at risk. And I just hate that I put myself in this position I could be so much happier if it weren't for this. I think every day about the what ifs. When I definitely knew better but I was so hurt from my previous relationship and being cheated on. But I hate how I made life so much harder for myself. And how much it's already affected my confidence and I haven't even tested positive yet but I think I will
I know people with this and I don't judge them. But I don't want to be judged or everyone to know. I just hate my perception of myself right now when I felt like I had a lot going for me and possed it all away.
Ok, well first, you're projecting into the future of made up scenarios that may never even happen, which is kind of pointless don't you think? We create so many what ifs in our mind and treat them like they're reality. I've disclosed to two guys and didn't get rejected like I thought I would. This doesn't chnage anything else about what's going on in your life. Sex is a very tiny part of our life. You're only going to ha e to disclose to those you get intimate w, its not like you're putting it on your resume and if they judge, who gives a fuck? Is that the type of person you want in your life anyway? Your gf isn't even concerned, so maybe you should take note from her. You have to just tell yourself when you start going down this path of destructive thinking, no.. I'm not going to do this to myself, over and over and your brain will get distracted after repeating it a few times and get focused back in something else. Just relax and take it day by day. All this we create in our heads about herpes, is mostly a figment of our imagination. I'm someone who couldn't control the virus and has constant symptoms, but I even got to a place of acceptance w this. It doesn't rule my life. Again, sex is such a tiny part of life. Relax
Hi there. Thanks for all your time. I greatly appreciate it. When I initially went to the doctors the sore spot was mostly gone but I still had a groin rash and leg pain. I saw several doctors here in Canada who only visually looked and basically said not to worry about it. So anyways I was still paranoid for months about it. I finally got my results back today when I went out of town. Five months after the incident I am negative (less than .90) for hsv 2 and greater than 5 for hav1. I don't remember having cold sores but both my parents get them. Do I assume this is a genital infection or what? I know how common hsv 1 is.
Half of all new genital herpes cases are from oral sex hsv 1. Unless you get it swabbed, you'll never know where the infection is. You're going to have to find someone and demand they swab it, like a dermatologist. Females as awkward as that may be, might be better to try next to get a swab. Seems that male docs blow off male patients more than females. So you've never had a cold sore right? I would proceed w caution and go to the ER to get it swabbed asap next time if pops out.
I have had a groin rash ongoing for a couple months. I can't remember having a cold sore but like I said both my parents have them and I have kissed a lot of people over the years as well. I went to the doctors twice for my latest groin rash and they didn't swab or want to swab it or see anything to worry about. If I ever have anything pop up I will go get it swabbed. I am seeing a girl right now who has really happy to hear about me being negative for hsv 2. If I did have it genitally it's true that it's harder to transfer grnital or genital? How should I proceed from here. I just red between 50 and 80 percent of people test positive for hsv1
Also if I did have ghsv1 would it likely have been through oral sex?
Yes, you can cut the transmission risks for ghsv 2 to genitals in half w ghsv1. Still wear Condoms and abstain during symptoms to be on the safe side, until you can figure out what's going on.
Sorry to be behind here - I have a lot on my plate right now ..
60% of all young people have HSV1 by the time they are young adults ... mostly acquired from parents/siblings/buddies who have it. So odds are high you have it orally. The only way you will know for sure is to get the rash swabbed next time it comes up.... but HSV1 genitally sheds about 1/3 as much as HSV2, and given that 80% of the population already has HSV1, your odds there are that most of your partners would have it anyway...
So - you fear rejection. THAT is the real issue here. I strongly suggest that you get some counseling ASAP because if you don't get to the root of this odds are you will sabotage every relationship you are in until you learn to forgive yourself for whatever it is that you are beating yourself up over (beyond the possible way you may have got H)....
But to get you started in understanding rejection, read these links
(((HUGS)))
(my blog)
Rejection as your teacher…..
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/10-surprising-facts-about-rejection
Shame60% of all young people have HSV1 by the time they are young adults ... mostly acquired from parents/siblings/buddies who have it. So odds are high you have it orally. The only way you will know for sure is to get the rash swabbed next time it comes up.... but HSV1 genitally sheds about 1/3 as much as HSV2, and given that 80% of the population already has HSV1, your odds there are that most of your partners would have it anyway...
So - you fear rejection. THAT is the real issue here. I strongly suggest that you get some counseling ASAP because if you don't get to the root of this odds are you will sabotage every relationship you are in until you learn to forgive yourself for whatever it is that you are beating yourself up over (beyond the possible way you may have got H)....
But to get you started in understanding rejection, read these links
(((HUGS)))
(my blog)
Rejection as your teacher…..
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/10-surprising-facts-about-rejection
ShameHi thank you for the reply. From what I described does it sound like I have ghsv1? Or oral. How should I go about disclosing it. I never had a swab when I have had a genital rash. And doctors told me they didn't think my groin issues were herps but I could have went in to late cause I did have a small scab. Both my parents get cold sores. So I could have t orally. Since I have never been tested for hsv before now and I am in my mid 20s. What should I say to potential partners ?
I don't remember having one. But I know lack of symptoms don't mean a lot. Both my parents get them. But it's hard to say.
I had a question for you if it's personal my bad. H has been quite difficult physically for you because of a pre existing condition would you be able to tell me what that is? I have some health issues and was wondering if h would be worse for me in this circumstance. I saw in another thread do you have an auto immune disorder? Thanks for your time.
I have Sjogrens, hypothyroidism, endometriosis and possibly another disease.. Waiting to be tested when I have time.
Autoimmune diseases are when your body is attacking itself. People who have eczema or psoriasis, I've noticed a pattern on here, have atypical symptoms. People don't realize, those are onsidered autoimmune disease's... They could have had flares as kids and never again and have atypical H symtons, after tetting H as an adult. Those of us that though, are such an anomaly and we tend to be in our 30s. You have anxiety and you need to stop looking for other things wrong w you. Lol. How old are you may I ask?
Late 20s. I know I have anxiety. I have had bad STI anxiety mostly related to HIV. But since I've had tests for that it's all about Herpes now.
Have you thought About seeing a therapist and trying meds?
@Oldspice I also have anxiety over STDs since the 90s, when I entered into the medical profession...all I know my entire adult life is working in that field...never once did it cross my mind that I could contract something life long thru skin to skin contact...it's rarely talked about, and now I know it's due to the emotional stigma surrounding it....I've sought counseling recenty, even if you are negative I would advise it...I've spent too many years worrying and thinking I was safe.
The above people are much more knowledgeable right now than I am about this...but I plan on becoming more knowledgeable as time goes on.
Good luck, hugs.
Just a question to anyone on this forum. I've been dating a girl for three months. My doctor and her both don't seem concerned about me having hsv 1?? Should I tell past partners about this? Assume it's oral or genital? She doesn't even want to use condoms
Thanks for the reply. I haven't had anyone to talk to about this at all.
No you don't need to contact anyone, about your possible oral herpes infection.
It could be genital though as I haven't ever had a cold sore. If it was ghsv1 would you notify previous partners? Or not in general cause it's hsv 1. Even if I had it orally I've performed oral on previous partners at points in my life. I just know they never test for herpes around here either.
Would you feel differently about hsv2? Is it just cause hsv 1 is so common
You don't need to have symptoms, to have been carrying oral HSV 1 all this time.
Have you been w anyone since you had symptoms?
Because, we have no proof that you have genital HSV 1 at this point in time. That's the difference
I have been dating a girl for over three months now and had told her everything. What I was worried about, my symptoms. My doctor trips and finally my test which was a few weeks back and negative for 2 and positive for one. Five months after any previous sexual experience. She wanted to be with me regardless and was happy with my result
I want to keep her safe. But she isn't worried at all and I've told her everything before we did anything beyond a quick kiss
Yes, I know, but you're asking me about disclosing to previous partners, not your current gf
Okay. I understand. Sorry for the confusion, I have not been with anyone since my groin symptoms until I met the girl I am currently seeing.
Ok, well see? Good to go then.
