I'm going to be seeing a girl tomorrow or the next day who I've been on about three dates with, and had amazing sex with all night on the last date. We used condoms ALMOST the whole time. Never penetrated without condoms, but definitely rubbed together. I've never had a "real outbreak" that I know of, and had NO CLUE I had H when I was with her.
A week after that last encounter I got tested, in part because I wanted to be able to tell her "I'm clean, I just got tested" and maybe not use condoms next time. Well, she's coming back into town (she lives a few hours away), excited to see me (and have sex again), but the conversation will obviously be much different than I had planned!
So ... I'm in a pretty good place about it mentally. I've been rehearsing the "talk" and I think I can confidently get most of the facts out in a calm and concise manner. And probably the best thing I have working for me is that although I really like this girl, if she "denies" me it's not going to crush me. No one has that power over me anymore (at the moment any way lol).
I'm a great guy, the same guy she was all crazy about last time we were together just with a bit of new knowledge ... and we truly do have some of the best sexual chemistry I've ever experienced ... so it's going to be interesting to see how she takes this "news". Of course I really, really hope that I didn't pass it on to her in our previous encounters. I'm on Valtrex now, and of course now I KNOW, so I'll be extra safe with her moving forward if she still wants to make love.
Thanks a lot to all of you in this community. You guys are definitely a big part of the reason that I'm not panicking about this and am feeling confident about it, regardless of the outcome.
I'm really happy to hear that you are in a good place with your H diagnosis. how did you find out btw? Did you have a blood test, what kind of test adn what were your values? have you never had symptoms before?
Thanks for the good words @2legit2quit . I got a blood test (full "10 test std panel") because i have mostly been in a long term relationship for the last seven years and thus haven't been tested in a long time... And it just seemed like the right thing to do now that I've been dating more.
I've never had something I'd consider a real "outbreak", but sometimes after I shave I get what I thought was an ingrown hair here or there, looking back they could have been mild obs but I truly NEVER thought they were an std because they only came from shaving. Still not sure honestly.
Igg test, negative for hsv-1 positive for hsv-2.
What was your value, do you remember? People who are asymptomatic or not sure if symptoms possibly being H, we like to ensure their value is over 3.5, to make sure it's not a false positive.
Ahh I got Ya, well I wish I could say it was below 3.5 (holy shit to now find out it was a false positive would be mind blowing) but it was up around 9.
Yeah, that's a pretty clear positive. did you disclose yet? Do you have the transmission risk spreadsheet to use in your disclosure? Do you have any idea where it may have come from and/or called partners to ask? Good luck on your disclosure! You got this!
@hippyherpy is one of our males who have had many successful disclosures. Maybe he can give you some make perspective. Mind helping out HH?
Thanks again @2Legit2Quit , I've read a lot of @hippyherpy 's posts and actually communicated with him directly for some tips a few days ago. Thanks again!
@2legit2quit , to answer your other questions .. I have not disclosed yet, it's happening this evening. In like 5 hours. I have told one past partner and that's it so far. And no I don't know who I caught it from.
I've seen the spread sheet, definitely incorporated that info into the talk I've been practicing in my head ... :)
Don't worry! You got this! Hang in there! Let us know how it goes and if she has any questions, tell her she can come in here and if she's not comfortable w you seeing her questions, she can message @wcsdancer2010 and i, and we can answer any questions or concerns she has.
Crossing fingers for you and cheering you on over here!
It really would help if we could all get on the same page and test before sex as just part of life ... instead of it being that awkward thing we don't want to think about or discuss... because you are sooo not alone with this dilemma. You would think after the AIDS epidemic we would all have learned but we humans seem to like to repeat history...LOL
I'm definitely here if the girl needs to get info on the facts ... but these links may help if you need to give her info... the first is a pretty big reality check for most people
((HUGS)))
http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/
Handouts + disclosure e-book:
https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/
Safe alternatives to sex
Herpes facts video
@2legit2quit I really appreciate the support. I'm literally about to head out for the date and it was very cool to see that message. And you know what? Whether she's ok with it or not... I'm a free man with a clean conscience and no regrets. I'll let you know how it goes :)
Exactly! I think not will all work out, despute the outcome. Just keep this in mind, in the event it doesn't go well. I have been rejected for having hypothyroidism.. That's right, you heard me... I didn't even bother telling him about my other autoimmune diseases, let alone H at that point. Is being rejected for my thyroid condition any different than being rejected for H? His main concern was me getting fat and having health issues he'd have to address later in lifez, because if my thyroid. He can't even catch that, but he was consented by that! People just suck and if they reject you over H immediately, they weren't really in it.
Hugely wonderfully successful disclosure. I gave her about one third of "the talk" I had planned, and she really wasn't concerned. She'd already done some reading about h so I didn't have to go into the "numbers" as I had planned. After I got it out I was like, " look at me, I'm sweating... Obviously I was a little nervous to tell you this." At which point she grabbed me and gave me an awesome kiss. And the rest of the night was just wonderful.
Obviously they probably won't all go this smoothly, but I have a really good thing with this girl at the moment, and getting that first one over with and having such a positive reaction .... I just could not have asked for a better night.
Thanks again for all the support. I really can't imagine how different my mind set would have been without this site / forum. Within five minutes of watching @adrial 's "intro" video I made the decision that h wasn't going to ruin my life, and two weeks later I'm already living that reality. And thanks again specifically to you @2legit2quit !! Going to sleep with a big smile on my face. Night y'all.
Yaaahhhh!! I knew it would go well!! You did so awesome w how you've handled being diagnosed and soon after doing a disclosure. Wish I had been as stoic as you, I was a f'ing disaster! Lol. This is so awesome to hear and @wcsdancer2010 I'm sure will move this under the Success Stories! This out a smile on my face first thing this morning, after having q crappy day yesterday. :-)
Well glad I could put a smile on your face @2legit2quit , hope today is better than yesterday for you. :)
Thanks again to you and also you @WCSDancer2010 for the good words. I appreciate what you both do around here a lot.
Catching up here.... CONGRATULATIONS! So happy for you!
And yes, this just went into the Success Story category :)
@adrial @wcsdancer2010 we have a spammer, who has spamed several posts. Please block this person.
I found one... send me the links to the discussions in a PM in the future @2legit2quit so I can deal with it :)
