Sooo being a 19-year-old college student, we don't *actually* date. Y'all know how it is - us young whippersnappers just text for days on end until someone asks the other person if they want to be boyfriend/girlfriend, and *BOOM* Facebook relationship statuses are updated, etc etc etc.
I had a HUGE crush on my brother's coworker/friend when I was about 14/15. He was 19 at the time, so yeah, that's a big no-no, and I obviously just kept it to myself. He added me on Facebook about a month ago, and I said, "What the hell, just go for it!" and messaged him joking about how I had a crush on him back then. As it turns out, when I was around 16, he had told my brother that I was pretty attractive and that he would love to take me out when I'm older. (Too bad my brother never told me that! Lol) He told me after a day or two of talking about something that he thought would be a deal breaker for me. I knew that was my opportunity to disclose, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I finally told him after a week or so to prevent either of us additional hurt as our feelings for each other continue to grow. I was planning to tell him in person, but I knew I wouldn't be able to see him for a while (school had me slammed), so I told him by text. I framed it as my typical "I have herpes simplex 2, it's not that big of a deal, this is how I believe I contracted it, here are the risks and what you need to know, etc" disclosure. This was his reply:
"Gotta give you mad props for having the courage and being responsible enough to go about things the way you are right now. I really don't mind the risk, to be honest. You are a really sweet girl from what I see, and I'm curious where this will go! I have had cold sores since I was fairly young and get a couple outbreaks per year." I thought it was really cool that he disclosed his cold sores because most people don't really think to do that. I may have said that you can get genital HSV-1 from oral sex in my "here are all of these facts about H" part, though, so maybe that's why he did lol I can't remember. Either way, that was cool that he told me that.
I just wanted to share some positivity and my excitement :) Annnd, if anyone has some date advice/tips that would be fantastic because I obviously have no idea what an actual date is like and I can be extremely shy lol.
@ivoryrain it's great that someone as young as you is strong enought to go through that and disclose...it took me forever!
Good job!
@ivoryrain I loved reading this post. It's soooo true, you young whippersnappers as you say, have a very different dating reality than us old timers! :) back in my day..... you may have talked on the phone (and when I say phone, I mean landline.....you know the old fashioned things that were plugged into the wall and had a cord attached to the receiver!) but for the most part it was a face to face world. A world where you talked, you touched, you fucked :). There was the excitement to see the other person because you generally were not in contact between dates. Unlike now, your BF and your BFF were not a text away. Pros and cons to both realities for sure but for this date you are going on..... be yourself, be proud and be honest. No games to play, just unfiltered YOU. It sounds like this guy is one of the good ones and even if it doesn't turn romantic, it sounds like he could be a good person to have in your life. This is also good practice. Good for you for laying the cards on the table right away, I know a lot of people think face to face disclosure is best for them but I am all for a text/written disclosure when it feels right for YOU. Enjoy yourself, relax and have fun. And keep us posted!!!
You go girl!!! Just go out and have fun!!! Remember that it takes awhile to get to really KNOW someone ... so keep it casual and just have fun with the guy and let him reveal himself over time :)
And make sure if you are going to the next level at some point that you should really get up to date STD tests for you both ... just in case ... You have the perfect excuse to insist on them because you have already learned the lesson of what happens if you don't ;)
(((HUGS)))
Ahhhhh <3 I'm 19 and all the way over in NZ, so beautiful to read someone else my age has disclosed and gotten back into the world of dating and excitement. Gives me hope! xx
@Herpetologist (love the username btw lol)
@fitgirl
@WCSDancer2010
Thanks, everyone! I didn't even have to suggest to him that he get tested, which is nice because I've noticed even after I go through everything, a lot of guys are still like, "Yeah, I'm sure I'm STD-free." Uhh, ARE YOU??? Because I thought I was, too lol. He said that he didn't know it wasn't included in routine screening and that he will go get tested before we get to that level. He's so sweet, caring, funny, etc. :) And he knows if he doesn't treat me well, my brother will be there to kick his ass, friends or not ;) hahaha.
@HealHeartAndSoul_NZ
I've disclosed about 10 or so times and have been only rejected 2 or 3 times (and one was only because his mom has a really rough time with it so it has kind of scared him too much). 70-80% success rate is pretty damn good if you ask me! So basically what I'm saying is that even though we're young, our peers are still relatively accepting. I feel like disclosure success is based a lot on how YOU present it. I make it very clear that it's not a big deal and that the risk is very low with proper precautions. I tend to do it sooner rather than later because I don't want to waste my time or invest feelings and get hurt. I think guys generally appreciate me being so upfront. However, everyone has their own methods that work for them. If you ever have any questions or need advice about being young and disclosing/having H, there are several of us lurking around here or feel free to shoot me a message! :)
You go girl!!!!! Hope all goes well in the future!!!
