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First Time Disclosing Herpes

Your first disclosure is almost always the scariest. There's no getting around it. You don't know how it's going to go, you don't have any proof yet that someone can hear those words and still want to be with you, and your imagination is probably running worst-case scenarios on a loop. Sound familiar?

These stories are from community members who were right where you are now. First-timers. Shaking hands, racing hearts, bathroom pep talks, and all. Some wrote letters. Some blurted it out. Some planned every word and then forgot all of them in the moment. But they did it. And what happened next surprised most of them. Read their stories and know this: you've got this.

Real conversations from the Herpes Opportunity community. For over 13 years, the H Opp forums were a safe space where thousands of people shared their most vulnerable moments. The forums have since sunset, but these stories live on.

My first herpes disclosure: A success story!

MplsMan, a gay man who hadn't dated in four years, shares his first disclosure. After a bathroom pep talk and a deep breath, he says the words. The response? "SO not a dealbreaker."

8 posts in conversation

Disclosing Herpes For The First Time

what2do is about to tell her boyfriend for the first time and asks the community for guidance. Adrial responds with a powerful coaching message about vulnerability, trust, and the courage to love.

9 posts in conversation

First Herpes Disclosure Tonight so nervous...

someone_20 posts in real time as she prepares to disclose: "HE'S ON HIS WAY RIGHT NOW!! OMG!!" Then, days later: "As soon as I shut up talking he told me he loves me."

22 posts in conversation

First time disclosing herpes, and very, very nervous!

paleogardenerkika shares her detailed preparation and word-for-word dialogue, then returns with a triumphant update. Her partner's response: "WE ARE OK."

17 posts in conversation

Disclosing for the first time tonight. Could use a little support!

mac_89 writes a heartfelt disclosure letter and shares it with the community for feedback. She returns with news: "His first words were 'You poor thing. I'm really starting to hate this guy.'"

30 posts in conversation

So. I did it. I disclosed for the first time.

Manc182 reads from a letter on her phone through tears. He sits beside her and cries with her. "I'm not going anywhere," he says. The thread captures the raw vulnerability of a first disclosure and the anxiety that follows.

27 posts in conversation

First real herpes disclosure ... first real rejection?

threelittlebirds discloses to her boyfriend of two months and gets the dreaded radio silence. The thread follows her journey over weeks from hope to rejection to hard-won empowerment.

69 posts in conversation

My First Disclosure Story

Cars85 shares a rejection story told with remarkable dignity. He took weeks to decide, then said no. Her realization: "If he's not thinking about it that much, why should I? I took my power back."

12 posts in conversation

First disclosure success and on cloud 9

MplsMan, a gay man who hadn't dated in four years, shares his first disclosure. After a bathroom pep talk and a deep breath, he says the words. The response? "SO not a dealbreaker."

8 posts in conversation

First time disclosing.... Yikes

what2do is about to tell her boyfriend for the first time and asks the community for guidance. Adrial responds with a powerful coaching message about vulnerability, trust, and the courage to love.

13 posts in conversation

First time really talking about herpes with other people

12 posts in conversation

First Herpes Disclosure Was A Success. I Can Breathe Now.

4 posts in conversation

first time disclosing #success

5 posts in conversation

Frequently asked questions

How do I disclose herpes for the first time?+
Start by educating yourself on the facts so you can answer questions confidently. Choose a time when you're both relaxed and not in the heat of the moment. Lead with how you feel about the person, share your status honestly, offer basic facts about transmission and risk, and give them space to process. It's okay to be nervous. These community members were terrified their first time too, and most of them were surprised by how well it went.
What if I get rejected after disclosing herpes?+
Rejection is possible, and it stings. But as these stories show, it's far less common than most people fear. And even when it happens, the people in our community consistently report feeling empowered by having been honest. A rejection based on herpes often reveals that the person wasn't ready for the kind of vulnerability that a real relationship requires. That's valuable information.

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