Herpes & your legal rights: What you actually need to know about disclosure law

If you're reading this, you're probably in one of two places right now. Either you have herpes and you're terrified that not disclosing could land you in legal trouble. Or someone didn't tell you, and now you're angry, hurt, and wondering what your options are.

Both of those feelings are completely valid. Let's talk about what the law actually says (and doesn't say) so you can stop spiraling and start making decisions from a grounded place.

But first, a quick note: I'm not a lawyer. I'm a guy who's spent over a decade helping people navigate life with herpes. What I'm sharing here is based on research and general legal information, not legal advice for your specific situation. If you're dealing with an actual legal issue, please talk to a real attorney. Okay? Okay. Let's get into it.

So, is it illegal to not tell someone you have herpes?

The short answer is: it depends. I know that's not the definitive yes or no you were hoping for. But the reality is that herpes disclosure laws vary wildly depending on where you live. There's no single federal law in the United States that specifically addresses herpes disclosure. It's handled at the state level, and every state does it a little differently.

Some states have broad STD/STI transmission laws. Some have laws that only mention specific infections like HIV. And some don't have any criminal statutes about STI transmission at all. If you live outside the U.S., it's a whole other conversation. Canada, the UK, and Australia each have their own legal frameworks. The point is: your zip code matters here.

Criminal vs. civil: two very different things

When people ask "can you go to jail for giving someone herpes?" they're usually thinking about criminal law. So let's break this into two buckets, because criminal liability and civil liability are completely separate paths.

Criminal charges for herpes transmission

Some states do have laws that make it a crime to knowingly transmit an STI (or knowingly expose someone to one). But here's what's really important to understand about those laws:

• Most of them require that you knew you had the infection AND intentionally or recklessly exposed someone without telling them.
• These laws were primarily written with HIV in mind, not herpes. Herpes criminal charges are extremely rare in practice.
• Prosecutors generally have very little interest in pursuing herpes cases. The legal system has bigger fish to fry, frankly.
• Some states have reduced or repealed these laws entirely. California, for example, changed its law in 2017 so that knowingly exposing someone to an STI is no longer a felony but a misdemeanor.

Does that mean there's zero risk? No. There have been isolated cases. But the reality is that criminal prosecution for herpes transmission is incredibly uncommon. The vast majority of people with herpes will never, ever face criminal charges.

Civil lawsuits: this is where it gets more real

Civil liability is a different story. A herpes lawsuit in civil court doesn't mean jail time. It means someone is suing for damages (money). And these cases do happen.

The basic legal theory goes like this: if you knew you had herpes, you had a duty to tell your partner, you failed to tell them, and they got herpes as a result, they may have grounds for a negligence or fraud claim. There have been cases where people were awarded significant settlements or judgments.

That said, civil cases for herpes transmission are still pretty difficult to win. Here's why:

• Proving who gave it to whom is hard. Since herpes testing can't pinpoint when or from whom you got it, the "you gave this to me" argument isn't always straightforward. Herpes can lay dormant for years. The person suing may have gotten it from a previous partner and not known.
• Proving the person knew they had it is hard. 80% of people with herpes don't know they have it. If someone genuinely didn't know, there's no case.
• Proving they deliberately didn't disclose is hard. Even if both of the above are established, demonstrating intent or recklessness adds another layer.

So yes, suing someone for giving you herpes is possible. It does happen. But it's far from a slam dunk.

What "knowingly" actually means

This word comes up a lot in herpes and the law conversations, and it's worth pausing on. Knowingly giving someone herpes means you knew you had herpes and you chose not to tell them before sexual contact.

If you've never been tested and never been diagnosed, you technically don't "know" you have it, even if you suspect. And since standard STD panels don't include herpes testing, a lot of people who carry the virus genuinely have no idea. This is a key factor in both criminal and civil cases.

Now, I'm not saying this as a loophole or an excuse. I'm saying it because a lot of people reading this are panicking about something that's actually far less legally risky than they imagine. The law generally isn't coming after people who are doing their best to be honest and responsible.

The practical reality

Let me bring this down to earth. Here's what the landscape actually looks like:

• Criminal prosecutions for herpes are extremely rare. Like, you're more likely to get struck by lightning rare. Most prosecutors don't pursue these cases.
• Civil lawsuits happen, but they're uncommon and hard to prove. Most are settled out of court when they do occur.
• The legal system varies enormously by location. A handful of states still have felony STD transmission laws on the books. Others have decriminalized or significantly reduced penalties.
• Most herpes disclosure situations never become legal situations. Not even close. The vast, vast majority of people navigate this through honest conversation, not courtrooms.

If you're living in fear that a herpes lawyer is going to come knocking on your door, take a breath. That fear is almost certainly bigger than the actual risk.

Why disclosure matters way beyond the law

Here's where I want to get real with you for a second. Because here's the thing ... the law is kind of the wrong frame for thinking about disclosure.

Yes, herpes disclosure law exists. Yes, there can be legal consequences in certain situations. But if the only reason you're disclosing is to avoid getting sued, you're missing the whole point.

Disclosure isn't just about legal protection. It's about integrity. It's about showing up as the kind of person who respects their partner enough to let them make an informed choice. It's about building a relationship on honesty from the start. And honestly? It's one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself.

I've seen thousands of people go through the disclosure conversation. And the ones who lean into it, who are open and honest and vulnerable about it, they're the ones who end up in the deepest, most connected relationships. The herpes talk isn't just a legal checkbox. It's an act of courage that filters for the people who actually deserve to be in your life.

If you want a guide to having that conversation with confidence, the free ebook and handouts walk you through it step by step.

If someone gave you herpes without telling you

Now let me speak to the other side of this. If someone didn't disclose to you, and you got herpes as a result, I get why you're furious. That anger is real. That sense of betrayal is real. You deserved honesty, and you didn't get it.

And I want to sit with that for a second before I say anything else. You have every right to feel angry.

But here's what I've seen over and over again: the people who pour all their energy into revenge, into lawsuits, into "making them pay" ... they tend to stay stuck. The anger becomes the cage. It keeps you living in the moment of betrayal instead of moving forward into the rest of your life.

Does that mean you shouldn't explore your legal options? Not at all. If you feel strongly that someone knowingly and recklessly exposed you, talking to a lawyer is absolutely your right. (More on that in a minute.)

But I'd gently encourage you not to let the legal question become the thing that defines your herpes experience. Because your life with herpes is so much bigger than whoever gave it to you. The actual facts about herpes transmission and what this virus really means for your life might help put things in perspective.

When to actually talk to a herpes lawyer

There are situations where getting legal counsel makes sense. Consider talking to an attorney if:

• Someone admitted (in writing, texts, etc.) that they knew they had herpes and chose not to tell you.
• You have evidence of intentional deception or recklessness.
• You live in a state with specific STI disclosure laws and believe they were violated.
• You're being threatened with legal action and need to understand your rights.

If any of those apply, look for a lawyer who specializes in personal injury or health law in your state. Many offer free consultations. And remember, just because you talk to a lawyer doesn't mean you have to take action. Sometimes just understanding where you stand legally is enough to ease your mind.

Bringing it back to what matters

I know that when you first searched "is it illegal to not tell someone you have herpes" or "can you go to jail for giving someone herpes," you were looking for a clear answer. And I hope this gave you some clarity, even if the answer is more nuanced than a simple yes or no.

But what I really want you to walk away with is this: the legal stuff is a tiny corner of the herpes experience. The part that actually matters, the part that shapes your life, is how you show up for yourself and for the people you care about.

If you have herpes, disclose. Not because a law says you have to (though in some places it does). Disclose because you're the kind of person who leads with honesty. Because vulnerability is where real connection lives. Because the right person will see you, all of you, and choose to be there anyway.

And if someone didn't give you that same honesty? Feel that anger. Process it. And then do the brave thing and choose to keep your heart open anyway. That's where the real opportunity is.

You've got this.