Hi guys,
First and foremost, thank you for having me here!
My computer is down so please understand my short message, as I type on my phone.
Would very much like support through a cruel rejection.
I've had heroes for about twenty years now;
have been gifted to have been fully embraced in all my close connections until now.
I was lucky and had the benefit of enjoying company and sex while I learned to really be ok with living with herpes.
However I now find myself greatly unprepared to dealing with a very unthoughtful, unhearted, harsh rejection.
He and I were about to mice forward to getting intimate, after 6 months of working towards closeness.
It took quite a bit of work frankly, because he is very busy, and also because we've been working many differences.
Only been in three dates, yet we put a lot into coming this far.
This morning, before "The Date Night" I disclosed.
I am 46, have gone through a lot in life and was dealing with an adult as well.
But never did I imagine such a hertless response.
He simply said "sorry, I'm out." That period i placed in his sentence, was not even there.
Feeling pretty devastated.
Any guiding heartfelt thoughts, will be very welcomed.
Yours,
Vesta
I don't get these stories where the guy waits a long time to make moves. Six months before having sex? That's a red flag to me. Something is off.
Also, he's not rejecting you. He's rejecting what he thinks he knows about herpes. Most people don't know the facts about herpes. They just drag aunt to the stigma for the info. This is why one of the first thing's I do when I disclose is I ask my partners what they know about herpes.
Also, herpes disclosure doesn't have to be a big dramatic event. In fact, that's making way too big a show over a harmless skin condition that 9/10 in the world have. If sex is immanant, let your partner know what's up. Simple and to the point. Find out what they know about it, and if they don't the facts than you can get more in depth with the conversation.
If someone rejects you even after hearing the facts, they are not making a logical decision but are instead acting out of emotion. Not much you can do about that but if someone can't can tell the difference between reality and fantasy/stigma/boogey-man, then I rob aly wouldn't want to include them in my life any way.
Regardless of whether or not you have herpes, don't put all your eggs in one basket as far as dating goes. People get rejected all the time over many other things than herpes. go out and meet some other people.
No doubt that hurts, @Vesta, and I’m sorry. Six months is a long time to invest in someone emotionally, only to be abruptly dismissed with three short words.
I read this article earlier and thought of it when I saw your post. {{{hugs}}}
http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/04/01/20-things-to-remember-when-rejection-hurts/
This just indicates how he would handle any other "non" serious situation. Now, had he said "I need some time"......that would have been perfectly acceptable, but "I'm out".....would have gotten "you're damn right you're out" from me!!!
Stigma is just maerketing.
everybody, thank you.
it still hurts, but less. and than less.
what hurts most was me not seeing what i was doing.
i've been blind, but now i see.
the "I'm out" saved me.
the six months of trying, saved me.
time to be thankful: i am untouched and unscarred by some ugly person.
and time to forgive myself, for falling of the bike, getting all scrapped up, because what was i doing?!
HikingGirl,
thang very much for the article.
sorry for typos!!!
Wow, yes, that was cruel. I'm sorry it took six months for you to learn this about him.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet, even if it hurt to do it. Be glad it was only 6 months and now you can find someone worthy of you.
