Hey guys, just wanted to add another successful disclosure story to the pile.
I only put "33m" in the title because I feel like there's not quite as many stories from guys on here, and I'd love to help out any of my bros out there who are going through dealing with H, especially if it's your first time "disclosing".
I've only been living with the knowledge of H for about a month now. Wow. I can't believe it's only been that long ... feels like it was a year ago that I got that damn test result, but no.
Before getting the diagnosis, I had been casually dating two lovely women. One lives out of town and thus it is a really casual (and very sexual) relationship. My disclosure to her went ... well, perfectly. We've had amazing protected sex since then, and plan to again in the future. We like eachother and have a great time together ... but due to proximity, it may never evolve into much more than a casual hook up relationship.
The other girl ... we had been on a few dates and slept together once, really hit it off, but she just wasn't in the right place in life to start dating so we parted ways amicably with "Maybe let's try this again in a month or two once things settle down". In that time, I found out I had H ... and then she started to contact me again and say she'd been thinking about me and wanted to get together again. I really like this girl, and I was really elated that she wanted to see me again, despite the fact that I knew this meant I would have to be disclosing to her if things went well (Maybe I should have either way since we'd slept together, but I wasn't sure on that ... since it was only the one time and all).
Anyway, long story short, we got together and the spark was so strong between us, by the end of the night we were back at her place getting frisky on the couch. She was really getting into it and asked me if I had a condom ... and I realized that I couldn't let it go any further without having the conversation. So I told her "Yes I do have condoms, but there's something we have to talk about before we can do that..." and I told her what was up. Again I didn't get even half of my "rehearsed" speech out, but I gave her the basics, told her about the reality of H as well as the low down on transmission rates, what things we can and can't do without risk, etc ... and then told her that she should do some of her own research and think about if that's a risk she wants to take with me.
She took it very well. Of course her first thought was that we had slept together a few months earlier, unprotected (foolish but we were drunk and it was a late, fun night) and she goes "So I could have it ..." and I replied "Yes, you could. The odds, even unprotected, are fairly low ... but you could. You also could, like me, have had it for years and not know."
She then said ... "Well I know I can still kiss you" and she climbed onto me and we had an awesome make out session and really passionate time doing just about everything except having sex. It was wonderful.
We went out again since then (for lunch - and I should mention H was not even discussed), and have more plans to see each other again soon, and I believe we will sleep together as the spark and passion between us is strong... and this might even turn into more than casual dating. I really, really like this girl, so we'll see what happens. But regardless of how it turns out with her, I consider this a 100% success.
You CAN and SHOULD disclose, friends. Get on Valacyclovir, use condoms, and be honest. Your dating and sex life is NOT OVER!! In fact, so far mine has not really changed at all. Fucking interesting to say that out loud. Who would have thought?!
Congrats brother! I'm so glad you're not letting the stigma hold you down and showing newbies on here, that not everyone gets caught up in the stigma and the ones that do, it's mainly coming from a place of fear and the unknown.
So awesome and sooooo happy for you!
And just to clarify the one point that you seemed unclear on, we do encourage that people contact ANYONE they may have exposed H to ... it's the only way we can slow the spread because most people get H from asymptomatic carriers..... and if they become an asymptomatic carrier, they just continue the cycle....
But this is an even better ending..... and I really appreciate that you came back to tell us. Good luck and keep us posted!
(((HUGS)))
