I'm finding (as I'm sure many H people have) that sometimes those gloom and doom feelings just show up out of nowhere, without any relief in sight, and just plain suck.
Some days are "meh, this is no big deal", but other days I'll get those awful thoughts, nagging, over and over.
I'm still 'relatively' new to diagnosis: Apr 2016, and I'm finding a couple simple things ("hacks" really) change my bad mood and thoughts a lot quicker than others. (really helps when at work or with friends)
I understand that acceptance, self love, maturity, etc are the best overall strategy for coming to terms...but in the beginning (and when in need of quicker mental relief) these have personally worked for me (so far). Hoping they do the same for you: (oh, and I'm male, early 30's, if that matters)
Symptom: I physically and mentally feel like shit.
My remedy: Take Lysine, and Olive Leaf Extract.
Result: These seriously work! Even without an OB, I'll take these and will feel so much better all over! I keep them in my work bag or backpack always. The brands I'm using are Nature's Bounty and Gaia Herbs (please let me know if there are better ones out there).
Symptom: "Now no one will ever date/marry/love/sex me up"
My Remedy: Remember that Age increases likeliness of having this.
Result: The more i read into the prevalence of our hitchhiker, the more I'm realizing that the older we get, the more likely we might find people in this same situation.
Symptom: "I'll have to settle for someone awful/hideous".
My remedy: Remember that lots of beautiful and smart people have this.
Result: I have a notion there are some very attractive people out there with H, with whom we now have something huge in common. Need proof? Boom: http://olwomen.com/28-celebrities-with-herpes-you-never-knew-of/
Symptom: "I'm so alone with this"
My Remedy: Login to (h)opportunity or check out Tumblr.
Result: On Tumblr, or "Herpblr", I've found tons of people who almost celebrate having H. You could probably also go on Tinder and just scan profiles for a cleverly included code word...glitter. Ice broken.
@LetsBeAwesome - I love this!
And about age, it has been my impression so far that lots of young people seem to be educated and accepting of this. I've recently disclosed to three men in their 20s and one man in his 30s and it was not an issue for them. One of the late 20's guys was already HSV2+, another has oral HSV1+ and was able to transfer his knowledge to understanding the concept of HSV2 rather than getting caught up in the stigma. This was 100% of my disclosures over the last couple months, all positive. I hope it means that generation is more educated than the one before it.
May I add one of my hacks? When I'm really down, I write down what I've actually lost as a result of HSV2, as well as what I've gained. This helps me understand that I really haven't lost a whole lot, it just feels that way because I'm projecting fears into the future. And it also helps me recognize some positive growth and connections that came from the diagnosis. And when that doesn't work, I take a walk in the sunshine with some upbeat tunes in my earbuds. :)
Kuddos!!! Great post !
Just remember a lot of the self doubt about finding people is just not true.
I've proven that you can even have casual sex with disclosure.
Don't confuse previous H insecurities with having herpes. There are many reasons why people get rejected and they nothing to do with herpes.
You shouldn't use herpes an excuse to indulge in a sense of victimhood because it's not the case that it will ruin your life.
If it does "ruin" your life, then maybe that means that your life before herpes might have had some parts that needed strengthening. You can use getting herpes as an opportunity to improve those things (hence the title of this website) instead of letting them take over.
I love this and read this when I'm feeling down. Thank you.
I am recently diagnosed as well, 4/2016. I have felt more negative than positive about this but reading this has helped along with the positive support I have gotten on this forum also. I will try your suggestions for sure....thank you
Great post. I understand feeling like life is "over". Some days I feel like I've been killed by a drunk driver and other days I consider the positive points (It's 99% sure I won't infect anyone; even if I do, the symptoms are in most cases mild if any, and vaccines are in the works). Best to find ways to never think about it until that moment when you are about to have sex...
I don't think about it so much now. Been disclosing and banging for a year. Get rejected every once in a while but get greenlights much more often.
Stick it to the stigma.
I always come back to this post. I'm relatively new, too (June 2016). I've had successful disclosure conversations and have the best support system. But even so, sometimes I'm downtown or wherever and hear a herpes joke. When I speak up and say something, afterwards I feel as exhausted as if I'd ran a marathon. I turn to my mom. My best friends. Ella Dawson's blog. And this post. Thank you thank you thank you.
You really have to just ignore that crap. Stick with the reality that herpes ain't a big deal and people who make it into more of a big ideal are either hysterical or naive.
I was diagnosed with HSV 2 four years ago, but I still have times I feel down about it. I've come to realize that it's really not a big deal, but I guess the biggest thing I struggle with is worrying about disclosing and fear of rejection. I haven't met anyone recently that I'm interested in, so it's not something I'll have to do in the immediate future, but I want to be really confident when the time comes. The last couple guys I had been talking to ended up just not being the kind of guys I would want to date, so I never had to have that conversation. I guess in a way herpes is a good wingman. It has made me focus more on what I really want out of a relationship and not just settle for anything. Overall, I'm a pretty confident and positive person. I just have not had practice with disclosure. I have been really busy lately with school, work, and church, so I haven't really had time to even attempt to date lately. I'm graduating college in December, so I'm almost to a point where I want to start dating again because I want a relationship in the future.
Anyone have advice on dating and relationships and how to get over fearing disclosure? Maybe it's not even rejection that I'm worried about. I've just only told a couple people because I'm just not comfortable telling anyone about it. I really hate the stigma associated with it.
When I was first diagnosed, I was in denial for a long time. I guess I just thought life was over, but it's not. I feel like it's just really beginning now. I've made a lot of positive changes. I'm in the best shape of my life. Life's getting a lot better, but I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with this and pursue relationships. This has affected me so much more psychologically than it ever has physically. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger I suppose. I guess I should be able to bench press a Chevy by now lol. :-)
@letsbeawesome. Great post! Yes there are many many attractive intelligent people with H. I am very happy that you can see that it is not that big of a deal.
Attractive people are actually or probably more likely to get herpes because they tend to be more cavalier with their sex lives. This was mentioned by a doctor to a buddy of mine. Think about all those famous people who have herpes.. supposedly thanks to Derek Jeter hahahha
Interestingly enough, I had sex with more girls who had herpes before I got it than I've had so far. I'm still waiting to sleep with some herpettes now that I have it.
