A friend posted this on Facebook this morning. Great reminder overall, and I feel it also applies to a lot of the fears of being rejected that come up a lot on this forum:
He said:
When I see pics/notes about someone not being "deserving" of you if they don't do X or Y (usually un-communicated desires), I tend to see the edges of that person's ego...
Which is why I resonate so deeply with this easy mantra: "If one person doesn’t want the relationship, then it is simply not a fit."
There's no point in us taking it personally. There's no sense trying to figure out why we think they don’t want it. No sense blaming it on this or that of "their issues". No sense waiting around for them to realize they wanted it after all. No guilt, no shame... they are their own person with their own desires, after all!!
And if *they* don’t want it, then *we* don’t want it... because what *we want* is to be hand-in-hand with someone who sees the potential for fun, frolicking, and fulfillment that we can have together... and is "in" for it fully.
That’s the thing about a love relationship - it’s an agreement that has to be signed by both hearts. If one doesn’t sign, then nothing has been lost.
If it’s not a fit for them, it’s not a fit for me either.
And on to the next adventure I go...
You have a wise friend Adrial. A relationship is a contract between two people. You can't have a contract without both signing it. I think with herpes we see a rejection so much more personally. Before herpes, I know for myself, a rejection was not so personal. Okay, maybe they just aren't into me, maybe they are looking for someone who has different personality traits, maybe they want a more serious/less serious relationship than I do. Maybe they want someone taller/shorter/smarter/hotter/dumber/thinner/whatever. I know for myself, once Herpes came on the scene my feeling of rejection was sort of "Oh, it's because I am a totally unworthy human being". Not, "Oh their preference is to be with someone who doesn't know whether they have herpes or not. Or maybe their rejection has nothing to do with herpes at all." I am almost back to my old self and can see that yeah, I'm not going to be for everyone and THAT'S OK. My preference is to have someone who can handle the fact that I have herpes and can handle all the other parts of me as well and can see that I am so much more than someone with herpes. And I need to get that being with someone who totally accepts all of me (as I accept myself....) is something so worth waiting for. It is such a waste to sit looking at the one person who doesn't get you/me when there are so many people out there who will! And I am now grateful for the filter called herpes who helps me see these things more clearly.
That is beautiful, cheesy as h-e-double hockey sticks, and so incredibly true. I love it, it was a good thing to read this morning.
Thanks.
I was so happy to see this post being I just disclosed..
N realized the relationship that I thought that was trusting n honest began a sudden turn after disclosure...
I am assuming he doesn't fit, n doesn't want me.. Which is a real bummer right now.. Because now I trusted this person with this info... Hoping he doesn't spill out my personal business... As much as I loved him to do and go thru whatever he needed I feel he doesn't feel the same..:0( I will try not to get into a slump on this one... Although this post helps<3
I love the phrase "fun, frolicking, and fulfillment." Haha! So good. This was extremely relevant to me lately. Its hard to believe there could be someone who's just 100 percent IN it with you. I havent found that just yet so its easy when youre vulnerable or down on yourself to latch on to something that makes you feel good even when its all wrong for you. Thank you for sharing adrial! :)
