After a week of progressive pain and irritation after a weekend that included both oral and genital sex with my partner of a year, I went to the doctor because I can't stand the pain anymore. I can barely sit or walk. I can barely wear big loose pajama pants and the pain down below is excruciating to say the least.
The nurse practitioner after just looking says yes it sure looks like herpes. She took swabs and I should hear back in a week or less.
I have never had a problem like this. I have had several partners and my partner has had several partners. What I read today is that testify for herpes is not standard so all my STD testing would never had caught it.
I am pretty devastated. I have cried a lot. I just turned 47 and I feel diseased and gross. And unlovable. I also am very confused as to how I got it. I have managed to not freak out at my boyfriend I told him what the np said. She also said it could be shingles. I don't understand how I go all these years with nothing and then this terrible outbreak. I didn't have any other symptoms. No fever. No achiness etc. just pain so bad it makes me want to numb myself from the hips down.
My questions are... Can I assume I got it from my current partner since the outbreak was right after oral sex that was more aggressive than usual? Will I ever know where I really got it from? And it's been a week, how much longer will the pain last?
Does your partner get cold sores by chance or ever had them? There's a good chance it came from oral sex w him. Also, 80% of those w genital herpes are asymptomatic or symptoms so mild, they they aren't aware of it.
I will have to ask him. I didn't ask him that and it's possible. My newest symptoms are like muscle aches in the groin and backs of my legs. This whole thing is really depressing. I feel horrible.
Btw, did you also get a blood test done? If not, I'd get one asap, because it will tell you if it's a new infection or not. If it's new, it will come back negative, if it comes back positive, it means you've had it for four months at a minimum.
So how did your partner react to the news? I think it sounds like a strong possibility of it being from oral sex.
.I knkw you feel down and dirty, we all feel that way when we first get it and I won't lie that it can take some time to reach acceptance, but it does happen. You will start to go about your daily life and realize nothing has changed. When you're in the throes of agony during your primary, it can be scary, wondering if it's always going to be like this, but I can tell you it won't be. I had severe neuropathy on my primary, that made me feel like a burn victim on my buttock, back of thighs and w electrical shock like shooting pain to location of sores, to my feet, inside rectum and vagina. I would wail and whither in pain, ended up going to the ER and got put on nerve pain meds for four months. I cried over the fear that it would always be like this and guess what? My recurrents haven't been shit, but a bump or two and it may feel slightly tender to touch and that's about it. No burning when I pee, no neuropathy, I can go about doing what I did as if I didn't have it. I still occasionally get the aching and nippijg in my buttock and back of thighs, but nothing painful.
You're not gross. Getting viruses is a part of being a living being that walks this planet. All humans by the time they're adults, have about 3-5 human herpes viruses and we get most of them as babies and kids. Dogs, cats, dolphin's, monkeys and even oysters have their own version of genital herpes. Don't feed into the stigma. Do you think people are gross w cold Sores? No, society has normalized cold sores, cause those who get them, can't hide them. This is a grieving process and you will get through it. Hang in there.
.in the meantime, take long Epsom salt baths w a lot of salt and use bactine spray which has a numbing agent and will help dry it out, several times a day.
Yeah for me, my neuropathy kept getting worse... My tailbone felt like it was on fire.. I took the generic version of Neurontin for four months. I would definitely get on it, if you're having issue w sitting. Be prepared for the doctor to possibly not believe that H is causing the neuropathy, but be insistent on it and say you have a friend that the same thing happened to. A yr n half later, my nerves have never been the same in my buttock and tailbone. Hard surfaces can be very uncomfortable for me at times, more so than at others or just sitting long periods where all the weight makes you distribute it completely on your bottom, such as office chairs. Buy one of those neck pillows that people use on airplanes to sit on, making your tailbone go over where the hole is and it helps provide some relief. Get on the nerve pain meds asap, as they can take a bit to build up in your system and reach full effect. It helped me immediately, to wear I wasn't crying and withering in pain, but it took about a week for me to feel OK sitting up. Why would he breakup w you? He clearly acknowledged he gave it to you, so why do you think that and guess what? If he does over this, then good riddance and tell him to not let the door hit ya, where the good Lord split ya on the way out.
That's going to be a tough call on what to do. You gotta do what's right for you and don't ever stay w w soneone, just because you have this, thinking knkw one will want you, because that's not true. Prior to me getting H, I had 7 friends w it. 5 are married now, 5 w kids and one in her 9yrs, had never been rejected over having H. I've disclosed twice and was accepted. After the age of 44, the number of women having H, increases significantly. It's 1 in 4, from 15-44 and I believe it's almost double that after 44.
Np at all. Feel free to private msg me as well, if you'd prefer to vent in private. Hang in there, it'll be OK. May not seem like it now, but it will. I have to ask my mom sometimes before responding to a post, to make sure I can relate and empathize w them, if during the first few months after my primary, did I say, cry or think about xyz back then, because I have forgotten just how much emotional turmoil I was in then! I remember that I was tore up emotionally, but I don't remember if I said certain things, like I'll hear a newbie say. Usually she says I did say something a lot, but I don't remember. That's me just trying to show you, that at some point, your life will normalize w this. You won't think about it constantly, you won't let it define your worth, it won't let you get you down.
I remember one time riding w my neighbor to go workout and listening to music; which I liked to do to get pumped to workout, that when a fun sexy song came on, that I felt I didn't have the right to feel sexy anymore and started to cry. I literally at one point in time, felt I didn't have the right to dance to music and be flirtatious or come off as sexually appealing. It felt like I was lying if I did and I didn't deserve to feel that way .. That's how much of a mind fuck getting this virus can be. Not too long ago, I'd look back at my reaction to getting this and the flare for the dramatics I had and laugh. All my thoughts, although they felt very real and justified at the time; were absolutely ridiculous and illogical.
Hang in there, you'll get through this. Hugs.
We all curse on here.. I have a filthy mouth. Planned parenthood works out payments. Trust me, the week I got H, between the GYNO, ER and having to see my GP to get a refill for the nerve pain meds, cause ER only gave me a weeks worth; I spent well over 500 dollars in that week. Yeah, my neuropathy started off mild and then got debilitating w in like 48hrs. I drive a stick shift and I was trying to use my left leg to push my butt off the seat, cause it hurt so bad, as I wailed driving to the ER. 800mlg motrin didn't do shit to help it and narcotics won't either, has to be nerve pain meds. I was so thankful for the relief from it, but it can have unpleasant side effects.. But I'm sensitive to medications that impact the brain, which nerve pain meds are actually anticonvulsants.. So you have to wean off then too, if you don't want a seizure.
Mine started w feeling like I had rode a bike for the first time in a long time. I thought my butt Bone's were sore from sitting in the tub so much. Then it started getting worse and spread to the back of my thighs and tailbone... The next day is when the shooting pain started to my feet, rectum, inside vagina and location of my sores. It would make me arch my back in pain. It was f'ing horrendous. Are you on valtrex? I wouldn't wait for the script if I were you. I'd either go to an urgent care facility or go to the ER to get the nerve pain meds tonight, cause you may get as bad I did.
Thank you. I'm glad to have found a place to post. I'm a wreck and the pain is maddening.
In response to his reaction at first he was detached it seemed. He acted like do you think I gave this to you etc etc. he came over last night and when we were laying in bed he tells a story of about 27 years ago with him hooking up with a girl and her calling from the hospital a week later saying he gave her herpes. He claims he got tested. Then later before he got married he thought he had a Venetian disease but it was a UTI. He acted like clueless. Maybe it hides? He feels like an idiot. Etc I gave this to you. I feel bad. But it was all very detached
So now today brings a whole new layer for me of oh my god did he know and never tell me? And what about the other women?
I will call for a blood test today I don't think I can go to work as my bottom is still very painful and I can't tolerate anything touching it
If I get the bloodiest and it says I have had it for at least four months it could still be from him? We have been together for a year.
I just really feel like I got it from him. I have had boils from ingrown hairs but never ever anything other than a yeast infection down there. And I've only had about three of those in my life. One being since I have been with this man.
Ugh
His reaction sounds pretty suspicious and like he knew he had it, especially after the girl called. If that's the case, I doubt he went and got tested for herpes. I bet he asked for a full STD panel, which doesn't include herpes. Men out of the two sexes, have the hardest time w coming to terms w H or even acknowledging it. They often don't want to acknowledge it, because they don't want to deal w how that changes/impacts their sex life. His detached responses speaks volumes of that as well. There's a post on here as we speak where jet partner is acting very detached from her diagnosis too and refuses to get tested .. Those are always red flags of someone knowiknowing for sure or had been suspecting that had H all along typically.
When you day your bottom is painful, do you mean the nerve pain or just the pain from the sores? If from the nerve pain, go to the doc and request nerve pain meds like Neurontin or Lyrica, as it really helped me significantly. I couldn't sit up for like two or three weeks, at least not very long.
Yes, it could still be from him, but his story sounds like he knew, so it's likely from him and you may just now be having an OB or it just may have taken this time to catch it.
His response and reaction are really alarming to me and causing me a lot of emotional turmoil on top of what the stupid diagnosis is causing right now.
I still have pain from the sores but now the nerve ending pain has started. It's in my butt and my groin and left back thigh. It hurts to sit. I'm going to call the doctor back.
I don't know how to react to his reaction or what to say or do. I feel like I am waiting for him to break up with me now. Because it's clear he didn't think about any of the women. He told no one. Just went around having all sorts of sex.
I really appreciate your input here. It's about the only thing keeping me going right now. I'm sitting at work and the pain is bad and I think I will go home at lunch.
I wouldn't assume it's H. My body reacted weird to H. Fkr months z especially if I missed a pill, I'd break out on my extremities, tiny red bumps, that sorta looked like blood blisters. If I popped tjemz it would be blood. I feel it was like a small vessel vasculitis, which can happen from lots if inflammation in your body, when fighting and infection and having AIs. You're fine, don't worry.
Don't mess w it and spray Bactine on it. You will not spread it through the blanket.
I don't care about my bday cause if the way I grew up... So I'm sure I'm an anomaly. I just didn't exist next to my twin bro who was a min older. One cakez they'd light the candles z let him blow, relight them for me to blow, while he antagonized me, about how it doesn't count since he did it first. So I don't know anyone for it, but I personally can't relate, because I tried to hide from it. It reminds me of bad stuff... So don't wanna make you feel bad for enjoying it. Hope that makes sense and that I didn't offend you. That was only the least if what it was like for me. It usually ended up physical, so I HATE my bday and I have a hard time w relating to people who live having one. My apologies. :-)
Girl, you've been doing great! Give yourself some credit! You are handling everything way better than I did, upon diagnosis! I was sooook dramatic! Were you able to get your meds? How is your nerve pain?
Well my doctor just responded to my request for the blood test. She said she submitted lab orders for the shingles type and h1 and 2 and that they rarely do the blood tests because 'it muddies the waters'.
And my understanding is the blood test is really the only way I can know if I was the carrier and it just cropped up or if I just got this from my partner. But I'm also understanding based in the series of events I described and my history and his history and some things he did say... I more than likely got it from him.
I'm not looking to condemn him. Just looking for clarity because I fee
It absolutely does not, unless they order the wrong tests and w her saying that, it makes me concerned she out you in for the wring ones. Call back and make sure she put you in for a type specific IgG Elissa test.
The rest of your msg seems like it was cut off.
*put you in for the wrong ones.
When they out you in for IgM and/or a combined test, it does muddle the waters, because if you're positive for say HSV 1 from an old infection or have had chicken pox, it will cross react and give a false positive on hsv 2. It needs to be specifically the test I stated above.
Ok. I will go back and ask again. I think I was mid thought and then lost it and clicked post. My brain is not too right. I lasted half a day and couldn't sit at work so I came home for another soak and more lydocane cream and a cushy couch. I'm grateful they let me work from home when needs arise. I will let you know what she says about the blood test
Ok. This is quoted from the email she sent .... I placed the lab orders for HSV IgM and HSV IgG types 1 and 2. There is not a serum test available for the IgM categorizing in either type 1 or type 2. I hope this gives you the answers you seek. We rarely do the blood test as it often muddies the waters.
NOOOO!? Do not take those tests! Wtf kind of doctors office is that!?
Respond back and ask for type specific IgG Elissa test. Tell her you don't want an IgM test or combined! This is evidence, she doesn't know shit about herpes. I knew it was suspicious when she said that shit to you about blood test muddling the water. Ask her and in the meantime, make an appt w planned parenthood immediately, so you can get the proper blood test, since your doc is proving to be incompetent.
It's my obgyn office. Ok I have to lookup ppp
Why do I not want those other tests? Can you give me details to tell her?
I explained it above... IgM is useless.. IgM just shows new infection, at least old school Theory, but they found it can pop up anytime. IgG, is the one that won't shoe for 3-4 months, after a new infection. Plus her tests allear to be combined. Again, if you have been infected w any other humna herpes virus, which I promise you have, because you exist, it will cross react on a combines test and give a false positive, which is then going to make you think you've had it all this time.
Well I emailed the doctor back and found the planned parenthood in my area and made an appointment. So now I'm steaming mad that this is costing me so much money on top of that the neuropathy is getting a lot worse and has travelled down to my feet. It's not in my back but is around my tailbone and into my groin and the backs of my thighs and now my feet. It's tingling. My obgyn is being an asshole and I'm really pretty pissed. I would type a bunch of curse words but I didn't read the posting rules so I won't.
This really sucks. A lot.
I am taking the valacyclovir twice a day. Big blue pills. I couldn't get anyone to give me the nerve meds but that has subsided pretty well. I get tweaks here and there but that's about it. I am also taking aleve every 12 hours and drinking buckets of water and I ate a lot of yogurt. I guess I thought the probiotic and the cultures in the yogurt would help.
The sores broke open so that is gross and they stick to stuff and hurt. I got bactine and am in love with that shit! Thank god! And I can pee without throwing myself off the toilet in pain so that's a bonus. There is still a decent amount of pain but I am also sleeping better. Today's new symptom is a headache upon awaking
I think sitting commando now for 1.5 days has really helped. And I got Epsom salts. I was doing baking soda baths but now I'm using massive amounts of Epsom salts. And I did spray the weird spot only thigh with bactine and I covered it with a band side. I'm an itcher by nature. Today it looks like a red blob. No blisters. I sprayed it and covered it again. And I'm not getting any new sores down under so that is good right?
I have fever blisters. I had some fevers so high I swear I hallunicated so that sucked.
I started watching some of the videos the guy that made this site posted so that is helping me some. I am still really upset with my partner. He brought me Epsom salt and bactine and had pizza with us but I really feel like he thinks I'm gross. Which is really jacked up cuz I'm about 100% he gave this to me Mr rash and nut itch it I put lotion on and it went away. He fucking had it for a week. I even said something to him about how I feel and he said no that's not true and went on to bitch about his kids so that situation is up in the air. I really have some anger and hurt feelings and self worth feelings I'm going to have to deal with there
As I sit here the neuropathy is just a bit I my left leg but I'm sitting on aslant a it because that is how I landed in the chair.
I'm going to go to work for a bit and then come back home because I swear letting the sores dry out makes them heal a whole lot faster. So my total span was regular sex on a Friday night or early Saturday morning oral sex late Saturday night. Slight itch and irritation on Monday with it professing until Friday where I barely made it through the day with pants and exactly a week later I was pretty crippled. Following Monday started meds and now it's Thursday so two days short of two weeks and I feel like it's getting better but it still hurts.
God save the first razor I use after this shit!
Wel mother fucker. That's awesome. I can't go to the ER because I'm a single mother of two and can't leave them home and won't find help tonight. The pattern is exactly as you described though. The feet just started and my legs are in a constant of buzzing and pain and yup on the ride a bike thing. Exactly like that. My gluts are killing me. I can afford it. I'm just pissed off that I have to pay it It really makes me mad. And I'm avoiding talking to my partner because I'm so angry at his reaction or lack of reaction if I did this to someone if even by accident I would bend over backwards to help them
Or yeah and the nerve thing is moving upwards into my sides like radiating from my hips and I can start to fee it in my middle back.
Dammit
Valacyclovir is what she perscribed
Yeah, I'm really sorry . I know what that's like. Can't you take your kids w you to urgent care? They have those open 24/7/ . I'm going to say a prayer for you, that it doesn't get worse, because it'll be a rough night. You didn't ask her to call in a script today?
Your partner is likely going MIA to avoid you, because he feels guilty, because he caused it. So he's running from his consequences.. I'm sure he feels like shit watching you go through all this pain. How much are you taking? Double it if you can. It's worth a shot, but typically this now has to do w your immune system attacking the infected peripheral sensory neurons and breaking the sheathing on the nerves, resulting in neuropathy. After mine dissipated a few months later, I had nonstop paresthesia. Like bugs crawling under my skin in my entire anogenital region for like 7-8 months nonstop. It took forever to feel "normal"... Well,... Now my " new normal " that is. I'm an anomaly though. Out of curiosity;... Do you have any autoimmune issue's, possible symptoms, any eczema, psoriasis, lupus, thyroid ississues?
Funny you should ask I have rheumatoid arthritis which falls in the auto immune category my body has to work really hard to fight off infections and when something hits me like flu or cold it's like an all out attack.
So the night was rough. Sweating and fevers and I would have sawed my legs off if I could have gotten up. That sucked. I'm currently sitting in a sitz bath and sweating my ass off. I emailed the doctor so I should here back today.
Oddly enough the side and back pain and most of the leg pain is low or gone my feet tingle but I'm sitting Indian style and maybe cutting the circulation off.
The sores are still bad with the pain and it's hard to walk without yelping.
And I went off on my partner after he texted saying he was sad because his kids and dad didn't remember his birthday. I was like are you for real? My crotch is on fire I have constantly electrocution and stabbing all over my lower extremities. Fevers that make me hallucinate and I even rendered helpless you are sad? God. People can really be self centered. That made me cry but then I slept for a while.
So today I wait for new prescriptions. What does the valtrex do? And I'm back on my couch working from home the best I can.
Yeah, I have Sjogrens, stage four endometriosis, hypothyroidism and Cushing's. I am unable to control H, because of my AI's and I feel that's why I had neuropathy during my primary.
Valtrex is the antiviral meds for H. Did your doctor not prescribe you anything? I'd still ask for the nerve pain meds, just incase it comes back. Valtrex helps stop the replication of the virus, helps w suppressing obs and shedding. It may not be a lot of help w your OB now, because it works best when symptoms first start.
Yeah, that is pretty selfish. I didn't even know that people care about their birthdays at a certain age. I'm 34 and I have not cared about it, don't celebrate it and won't, since I was 26. I also don't care if people remember it or not and call me. I'm really sorry you're going through this and feel so unsupported and alone. Do you have any friends you can rely on to help you out?
I posted the name of what she prescribed above.
So now I have a patch on my left front leg. I don't know if it's heat rash because I use a heated blanket because I don't have pants or if I spread this stupid shit. And of course I randomly itched my leg thru the blanket before I looked. So is this shit just gonna spread all over? Or do you think it's heat rash?
And the doctor did tell me that she didn't know if the meds would be really helpful because it's best to start within the first 72 hours. But I thought it was ingrown hairs from wild sex and a yeast infection so I didn't go in.
I'm concerned about this patch on my leg. It was not there this morning.
And I kind of get stoked for my birthday but it's because me and my kids love cake and fun. I won't even tell you what a douche bag he was on my birthday lol.
Clearly I have other issues to address. After this bout of grossness is done and I can put my fucking big girl pants on.
I think my spirits are up a bit so that's good. Lmao
As for your outbreaks, you are doing a lot of good things (going commando, bactine, epsom salts baths) .... My go-to (as a 35 yr veteran) is Ammonium Alum ... info is below, along with other things people have used with success like L Lysine, Olive Leaf Extract, and the like :)
I suggest you keep a journal of what you are eating, activities, stressors, etc ... see if you can see a pattern for what makes it worse. I often say that Herpes is like a "first responder" to the health of your body ... although in the first few months, it's often just that your body needs time to figure out how to get it under control.
[link inactive] includes links below
[link inactive]
[link inactive]
[link inactive]
[link inactive]
[link inactive]
Links to some of the items suggested in the links
[link inactive] Link to Alum
[link inactive]
[link inactive] Fractionated Coconut Oil
[link inactive] Zinc Soap with coconut oil
[link inactive]
[link inactive]
[link inactive]
[link inactive]
[link inactive]
Hahaha! It made me laugh reading that about the bactine. Yeah I had bought it when I got cellulites from pulling out a hang nail, will never do that again and was in so much pain. So I bought that to stick my finger in. Then one day I just tried it on an OB that along w epsom salt has been my go to since, as none of the other home remedies worked as well as the bactine. Smear some Vaseline on a panty liner, so it helps stop the sores from sticking and then reopening.
The valtrex is causing the headache. Once it was building up in my system, I got bad and constant headaches for about a week and then it stopped. That will pass for you as well.
Why do you think he thinks you're gross? I think you may be projecting how you're feeling about yourself on him. If he does think that, being he knew deep down he had H, then that speaks volumes about him and is very hypocritical.
Hahaha! Yeah, it's weird, your primary OB will get worse after a week after initial symptoms and then get better after a week of hell for some of us. Mine was like that too. Thank god you didn't get persistent neuropathy like I did. I think my drinking alcoholalcohol, the afternoon after my diagnosis w a friend, to drink my sorrow's away is what made it get worse for me. I was a lot more ignorant to H back thethen and didn't realize that alcohol suppresses the immune system.
Don't worry, you'll get over the emotional side of it.
I am pretty blunt and I don't sugarcoat anything. I figure how can you guys help me if I don't just put it all out there. And I need reality checks because I don't always live in reality. I smear reality with my expectations and it gets me in a lot of messes.
And I'm so disgusted with all of this I just don't give a shit. I know I'm in for a life changer with this. And I know from dancer2010 and you that I need to stay in reality about my partner. He is showing who he is and I have some big decisions coming
I read the article about the H wingman. It was good. My partner is the runner but he is the sly type. Given the opportunity he will fade over time. And then he will make like he is doing me this huge favor because he just can't live with what he did. Blah blah you selfish fuck. (Ok. I am bitter right now anyone with a crotch that you can cook grilled cheese on its so hot would be fucking bitter). I have to go find the threads on anger management.
As far as symptoms, the longer I walked and stood the worse the neuropathy got today. I made it at work until about 3pm. . But only my left leg and butt cheek. So here's to hoping tomorrow is a bit better. The pain down under is tolerable if I sit in comfortable spots and I go commando. But t is getting better.
Well my new reality is to pay attention to red flags and not make excuses.
So my results are in. I tested positive for hsv1 and negative for hsv2. She talked to me for a while because I had so many questions. What she said was he more than likely also has HSV1 in his groin area. Especially since the statements of the rash and itchy nut. She said if I contracted it from his mouth he would have had to have a cold sore and he didn't. She said my shaving probably left open follicles and that is how I got it. She said the tests definitely showed t is a new infection so I got it from my partner.
I decided to not do suppressive therapy right away because it is HSV1. I told her I wanted to wait and see if I got another OB. She said that was a sensible decision and left me three standing three day doses of valtrex and told me what to watch out for and I could just go to my pharmacy and pick up a script.
So then I texted the asshat. And tell him the deal and that he has it. Can you believe he asked me if there is a way to get rid of it? I am just beyond hurt and pissed!!! So I say no. No there is t and I have it in my crotch and now I have a standing prescription. Fucker. God!!!!
No fear of alcohol, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I may Ben and jerrys cherry Garcia my ass to happiness though. I don't even have words. I knew I had H but like getting the test results just makes it so real and I feel so unsupported by my partner. Who does this? I was so fuckjng mad I said 'so since you didn't have a cold sore it's in your groin area and you would have had to get it by someone giving you head with a cold sore. When did that happen???'
Fuck happy Valentine's Day!
Well your doctor is incorrect, your contagious during times called asymptomatic shedding. This is actually when most people spread the virus. Yes, there coukd be a chance he has it on his genitals too, but that's an assumption w out a swab. It would be MORE likely, you got it from oral sex, than through regular sex; albeit it still happens.
Hahaha! I don't man to laugh, but it was funny that you said ass hat and asked would u believe he asked if he could get rid of it! Lol.... You know, because it's HSV 1, it's not as cut and dry, as if it'd been having 2. He very well could have HSV 1 orally only and that other stuff could be from something else, then again what a strange coincidence about the Chic from the hospital and how he's wonders if he's had it in the past. I dunno, stranger shit has happened in life, right!? He may not have anything to swab, but if a rash comes up again, have him go w in 48hrs, they coukd try a swab and a biopsy. Lol.... You make me laugh, even when going through this. You're dealing so much better than I did... Hahahah..
Yeah, I knew I had it too, 2 days before I was diagnosed and I was impressed w how I was handling it. I didn't cry and I think reality hadn't sat in yetand despite the ulcers, I still worked out and didn't have much pain, unless touched. Then when on the table w the feet in the air and she was like yuo, I started balling my eyes out. Then I met my friend at the bar after and had drinks, that's when I suddenly felt fatigue... That would be 5 days now after infection. That alcohol was a bad idea, because it seemed done and I didn't think it was a big deal as much as I had heard. Well I woke that Friday night w itching like nobody's f'ing business and felt like a shit load of bumps cane up and it continued like that for like two or 3 more days, but they never ulcerated, they just stayed bumps, but the itch was insane! It was worse than the pain of the ulcers! Then bumps stopped coming out and the nerve shit started... I was like, "my body hates me"... Lol. Let's just out it this way, I could barely get out of bed from pain, depression, self loathing..I cried constantly the first few weeks, all day, through out the day and it was the only thing on my mind. I cried a lot the first two months after that.... I was totally overly dramatic, but mainly because my fear was that ths pain would never go away and that all my future obs would be like that. I feared permanent nerve damage. So while everyone fears being rejected by these hypothetical rejections in the future, from the figment of their imaginations; I was worried about how I could live life w this debilitating pain. Once I got that taken care of w Neurontin, then it came to me grieving all the sex I never had. I'd tell my friends that I should have "whored" it up like many, instead of being so standoffish to casual sex all this time! Lol....
I feel your pain! I really do. Hang in there and just remember, he may not have it down there and it may have been from oral sex.. Tough call, just because of the other stuff w that girl.
Congrats on sobriety! That's awesome! You should be proud of yourself!
Sodeh fkr typos, but this site makes the curser jump and switch whereI try to correct and after several attempts, I get sick if it and five up. Only on my phone do I have this issue.
Yeah, right now unless he can be swabbed, biopsied, etc.. There is no telling where it's at... But yes, more likely to catch it from his mouth than his genitals, but not possible. He could have it both places. W that said, his other comments are still strange.
So remember I said the first week I got the fissures and then ulcers and pain, then the second week I broke out in bumps, that itched worse than the pain in the ulcers (not the neuropathy though). So yeah. My second week was bumps and tons of itching. Your nerves are a bit mangled right now, so post herpetic itching can be expected. Keep taking the Epsom salt baths, as that's the only thing that relieved my itch and continue w the bactine. Some people do get a second wave, but it's usually bumps and itching.
This is why we recommend journaling daily the first 6 months w symptoms. I still journal a yr n half later, because my symptoms change every few months. Journal daily symptoms, location, sensations, number of times a day you felt paresthesia and possible triggers. This will help you learn your body post H. On too of that, it seems to help feeling like you're taking some control of something you don't have much control over, by journaling it and learning your body. I know, I thought the same thing. When it seemed like it had all stopped on that Friday and u had just the ulcers, I remember waking to itching and feeling a shit load more popped up in hrs! almost threw up and passed out, because of not feeling well, but out of sheer shock and horror, that it would never end and it continued popping out more for like two or three more night's. Don't worry, it does stop. What week are you on now?
Here's what I see in your guy:
Odds are he has it orally
Odds are he didn't know - even with the girl calling him from the ER, without a blood test, and PROPER advice from a Dr, sadly he's not been put into the place to understand that oral herpes affects 80% of the population and 80% of them don't know they have it.
Sadly we are terribly undereducated in this country about STD's ... so his ignorance is not unusual.... BUT...
HOW he has acted in all this to me is a red flag. Go look at the Success Stories and the ones who make it have partners whose initial reaction to the news is to want to SUPPORT them (even the ones that freak out for awhile afterwards). Their first instinct is to understand that your telling them must have been difficult and they realize how tough it must be for you to go through it....
The ones who immediately withdraw, or who try to play the blame game, or the guilt game, or whatever, *to me*, are showing you their TRUE colors about how they fight/react to difficult situations. If they don't even *start* to look at where they may have influenced a situation, and they point fingers from the beginning, odds are that is how they will react in ANY future situation.
IMO you need to look at this man and ask yourself... Is he a "Fuck Yes!" ? To understand what I mean there, read this:
[link inactive]
Yeah, I had that crawling sensation for a looonnggg time all over my anogenital region. I even explained it in a very strange example to my best friend. I said you know how mosquito larve looks the way it moves in the water? I said I feel like it's a big doing that in my nerves... She was like eewww... Hahaha..to me, that was the grosseat feeling and made me feel dirty. I couldn't even be sure the last I had that. I had it all over my anogenital region for like 7-9 months and then it stopped, but I continued w other strange paresthesia, like random pins and needles, burning, etc That would last for a few seconds. I even would get these little tivklingtflutter sensations on my buttock and back of thighs that would make me itch. Now I only get the occasional pins/needles, to gking onky happens on my right side on bottom inner buttock and sometimes inner groin crease and rarely that flutter tickle feeling on the back of my legs... This virus is so weird. I never got stinging nerve pain in my knees that was sporadic, until several months ago.. Thenit stopped for a month and then I had it yesterday. Some people's nerves are more affected by H than most, so I feel your pain. That crawling sensation wont last, don't worry.
Ok, everyone has that fear when they first get H and I promise you, it's not the case. I was the EXACT same way... I had 7 gfs w H before I got it. 5 are married and some have kids, one has never been rejected in the 9yrs she's had it. I've disclosed twice and sorta a third time, but that's hard to explain the story behind that, but it was clear he would accept it too, but he was just soneone I wouldn't want to be w and neither were the other two I disclosed to. That feeling will pass and it's the strongest when you're still having symptoms. You're at the age or rather close to it, that 1 out of 2 women have genital herpes, so therw will be men you meet who have already come across others who had it and men at your age, are more likely to have it as well.
Right now, just worry about the day your present in when it comes to H. It is one of the biggest wastes of time to worry about and I've learned that dating w H. H is going to help you stop picking the wrong dudes, by not allowong your hormones and psychical attraction to run the show. You'll be less likely to turn a blind eye to red flags, as that's been the case for me. Usually by week 3-4, I find that the dude is not right for me, before I even had to disclose. That made me realize how much I was wasting my time obsessing about disclosure, because you usually will notice things about soneone you don't like and are seal breakers, when you know sex is off the table for some time . The second guy I disclosed to thought I made the biggest deal out if disclosing and after I did, he sent me this video and said this is you... Lol... Hopefully it can put a smile on your face and put it into perspective for you.
You're over thinking .. JUST. DON'T. DO. IT.. lol..
No, that's called post herpetic itch and it puts the itch, in bitch. It's absolutely terrible.... That's the nerves sending broken signals to the brain, from the inflammation and damage to the sheathing of the peripheral sensory nerves at the surface of your skin. I'm telling you, Epsom salt baths is the only thing that gave me relief.. I probably spent 4-6hrds in 24hrs in the tub (thank God I wokr from home) during those times of the itch.
I'd that you projecting on him feeling like he's just staying out if guilt, because you feel he doesn't wanna deal w that?
I know it can take some of us longer. By end of week 3, the itching likely will be minimal. Just gang in there, it gets better and yes; sometimes it can take very few even longer to feel normal down there. I just don't want you to set yourself for certain expectations, because of this perception that most are good to go in a week or two, so why isn't your body handling this well. People feel let down and betrayed w thwir own body believe it or not and feel like what's wrong w them? H can really play a sick twisted psychological warfare game against yourself. Everyone is different and I found the older you are, it seems like you don't handle the primary really well, likely due to wear and ttear in the immune system dealing w multiple infections over the years. So just remind yourself one day at a time when those thoughts come up.
Just catching up on here... but I saw in another post that your partner basically has admitted that he knew he has herpes and didn't tell you .... given his all around reaction, I think you need to get schooled on what I call the Herpes Wingman Effect: This guy is showing you who he IS .... and no matter what, that's not going to change.
[link inactive]
Herpes as a relationship filter AdrialAnd if you can, get to Planned Parenthood ... the ER and walk-in clinics are usually the LAST place I would send someone with Herpes... they are usually the least well informed of all the Dr's ... even worse than GP's :(
Just FYI, Bactine is EXACTLY the same stuff as the extremely expensive Oragel Single Dose ....
Ugh. I have a new symptom. I have creamy white discharge and some of it is sort of yellowish. It doesn't really smell. But wtf??? Really??? When is it done? The spot on my leg is redder and does have tiny little blisters but it doesn't really itch. This is really annoying and every time something new or more painful happens I get more pissed.
You're lucky just that... Mine was pretty bad. I had bad watwry smelly discharge, because the doc said I was covered internally w sores. I had to wear a pad it was so bad and you already know how horrible it is for the sores to stick to the liner. Lol... I'm not laughing at you, but I laugh cause of your forwardness, cause it reminds me of myself and I LOOOVVVEEE forward females, who just say what they're thinking. It's a rare commodity... Hehe.. They usually have great humor...
It took some time for me to feel normal down there.. Like a couple months. Most don't take that long.
Omg, u sound like me! I hate sugarcoating thing's! I find it emotionally exhausting!
Omg, me too! I expect too much and assume the worst.
Hahahah! You have a right to feel that way! No lie, if it weren't for H. I'd gotten involved w two bad people for me the last yr n half. It really makes you stop romanticizing as much and get swept away w hormones.
Yeah neuropathy is the worse part for me. Go get some vitamin B shots, they're essential for nerve support and repair. Sounds like it shouldn't get too bad for you, so you may be good by this time next week. Hope you wake feeling better!
I feel pretty good today. The sores are dry so I'm going to do the vasaline trick and hope that makes work better. I don't have to be in until 10. And I slept pretty good. I am also recovering from a couple fever blisters on my forehead. I had a couple good fevers in the 103 zone. But is the sores are drying up I'm hopeful I'm in the mend.
And yup. We sound like twins. So maybe I just found my blessing in disguise with the H. And I a seeing things clearer now.
My spirits are up today even though the headache is pretty bad and has settled in my eyes. I'm going to get myself a fat jimmy johns and chips for lunch and celebrate my new reality!!!
In your forehead? Have you had that before?
I'm so glad you're feeling better. Don't worry, your recurrents won't be like this. Despite how terrible my primary was, I've never been like that again. All my recurrents have been a SI gle bumo on my vagina, redness in my groin crease or a couple of bumps on my buttock. Nothing has hurt me since.
Yeah, valtrex is causing the headache... That will eventually go away after being on it for some time. Are you going to stay on suppressive therapy or be done after taking this round?
Definitely sounds like you're about to be back to yourself soon. Just keep doing what you've been doing. Stay away from alcohol for a least a month, until things calm down, plenty of sleep and if you have symptoms, do Epsom salt baths and Bactine again.
Take some motrin to help w the headache. What's your new reality may I ask? Well I'm always here for ya if you need to talk. Hugs!
Thank you for that information. It gives me hope. However I don't think I'm emotionally ready to date right now. I clearly have a resentment and some anger issues to deal with and have to adjust to living with herpes.
Thanks! Next week will be 18 years.
Well he drank last night and then got all meloncoley. I don't know how to spell. I'm going to tell him again today about what you said that it's likely he has it in his mouth.
I got another big as bump on my underpants line. Yesterday was the first I wore clothes all day. Is that normal. It's big. And I have itching I didn't have but I wonder if it's from hair growth maybe? Or the neuropathy. So I'm in that freaked out stage where I feel something and I'm like omg it's never going to go away!
I just finished what me and the doctor feel was week two. I got it two Saturday's ago. He was drinking last night by himself so there was a lot of mushy texts and bullshit guilt texts. I had taken my kids with my sisters fsmily to a fun restaurant and game room and was therefore wiped out so I just went to bed.
I truly believe all of his responses are bullshit and he had t and knew it and because no one else prior to me ever accused him he never thought twice. And it would just be grand if he actually went and got tested and it came back negative and he would unleash that on me. At one point last night he spun it that way. Then it seems like you are not interested in me. Blah blah
I think the pills give me poop problems which made my hermoroid show back up and that is messing me now too. But all in all I did some stuff today and had minor pain and just fatigue. I'm soaking now and gonna be done for the night.
Well didn't you say a girl he slept w called him from the ER and told him he gave her herpes?
I dunno, it's hard to say in this situation, because who knows where his infection is at. Start taking a probiotic, that will help w the constipation. That can be one if the side effects of it. You should not feel as fatigue by week 3... Some it makes them fatigue longer. Hang in there z all will be OK.
Doesn't him drinking ever make you feel like you want a drink?
Nah. It's been 18 years. I hate to say never but I am active in a 12 step program so I a constantly reminded I am one of those that just doesn't mix with the drink. I have experienced deep depression in sobriety. Not having an anesthetic against emotional ups and downs is a bummer but I have been blessed in the fact that the compulsion was removed.
I wish this herpes shit was that easy. I am in week three and I feel pretty good I think I have about three sores left. And the weird neuropathy and it's in my glutes. It keeps feeling like somethings is there so I grab my reared and there is nothing but my growing ass lol. And I think I have one or two of those fissures you talked about. Sort of like a paper cut sort of. I don't know if they are rub marks from wearing pads for so many days in a row.
And the itching ensued last night and a little tonight. Crimes! That was bad. I didn't itch in the beginning.
And no fatigue. I worked all day and felt great. I am using the Vaseline trick and that is helping a lot. And the patch on my leg is almost gone.
I don't know that I can fault him for this if it indeed was from long ago. But I really don't know about him cheating on me. I just don't know. I think he had it and this was just really unfortunate.
The thought of him cheating never popped up in my head this entire thread and the first you're mentioning it. I don't think that's the case at all. I just think he gets cold sores like most everyone else gets and it was likely an accident. I think you may have much more to think about in the relationship than herpes, I wouldn't allow this to be the driving force since it can happen to anyone w cold sores and the ignorance that surrounds it.... People still don't believe cold sores are herpes.
I don't think I've ever heard of the feeling like something is on my ass? Lol... Do your mean like a crawling sensation under your skin?
I agree w @wcsdancer2010 , something seems off and maybe H made the blinders come off. Something to think about. V
Yup. Like something is moving in around in there. It's very bizarre and I have to be careful to not grab my own ass at work. They already think I'm weird. Lmao. It may be a pulled muscle from walking like a dork for almost two weeks and sitting like a dork.
Two sores left and the one on my upper thigh that we weren't sure about. I slept well. I'm feeling pretty good and I have 1.5 more days of the pills.
And it's so funny that you two say that. My friend was over last night with marriage problems and some she created for herself and I said to her... That guy is showing you who he is. THAT is what you are getting? Do you want THAT? And here I sit being asked the same questions.
I have a lot of thinking to do. I think I already know. I just am filled with fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being loved because I have H. And this is really bad... I have fear that he will move on as if nothing happened and be with someone else and I will be alone. And that's just not fair.
Well I'm finishing the third week and I have one sore left. Two sort of scar looking things and a cut from where I itched in the night.
I get these bouts of itching that are just crazy. Like I could scratch my skin off. I'm still sitting in Epsom salts and using the bactine. It could be from hair growth I guess. But it's itchy.
My other situation with the partner hasn't changed much. He is who he is. I don't have too much hope at this point. I think he is staying out of guilt and because we have a vacation planned for the end of March. I don't know. He says he loves me and is t one to run at the first sign of trouble.
I'm pretty down right now. I feel like the whole thing should be done and I still itch so I'm bummed. Is that normal to itch three weeks out?
Ok. Well it's good to know I'm not loosing my mind. I'm on like my 5th bag of Epsom salts lol. It's just two spots specifically but mother of pearl!!!! Nights as well have chicken poms. I thought about soaking my stuff in calmine lotion lol.
And you're right. I'm projecting. I'm home on a Friday wearing his big ass pajama pants so I can 'air out' while he is out partying. I sat and felt sorry for myself all night and ate the rest of the Ben and jerrys lol.
I am feeling tons. I think tomorrow I will do a little workout and see if it boosts my spirits some.
I'm really glad this site is here bi have done a lot of reading tonight.
Just remember... Don't stay because you think no one will accept you w this, because it's not true. I can't say I'm fond of the idea of him going out and partying, while you're on the couch feeling ad you do. You deserve a supportive partner and everything you've shared, sounds like he is very self absorbed. Someone at his age still partying, while you're living the life of sobriety, doesn't exactly sound like the best fit for you if I may say. Remember, you're just as beautiful as you were pre H, as post H. Who cares if he didn't want you? The only thing that matters is if you even want HIM. You have been through so much worse, battling the demons of what makes one an addict and loving the life of sobriety, which is so much harder than dealing w H. You can get through anything. I know you're a strong powerful woman, that's a force to be reckoned w. Don't let H or the lack of a supportive partner bring you to your knees. You've got this!
I think this will be a timely piece for you: (And did you read the Mark Manson article? ... is this man a Fuck Yes for you?)
[link inactive]
People who have had herpes for a while, or who date folks with who have had herpes for a while, are less likely to see transmission as one person’s responsibility—in other words, they’re less likely to introduce guilt and blame if herpes is transmitted.
And this one too:
[link inactive] (VERY strong language... but a VERY good article written by a MAN to women!)
The biggest thing to keep in mind is that you can’t let the combination of love and acceptance trap you. Eventually your relationship will slip into the normal up’s and down’s that come with being a couple. If you reach a point where you are no longer happy, don’t continue to hold on because they’ve stuck by your side. They’ve had sex and put themselves at risk, that’s love—but none of that love matters if you stop getting along.
Yup. I read the is he a fuck yes. And now I read these that is some harsh truths but truths one the less. I get it. More and more gets revealed. And I get it.
As far as the ob. The bitch itch is almost gone thank god! I don't know what was worse. That or the fricking sores. Geez Louise. But I feel like I almost have my lady bits back. Yay me! And the rest of me needs a complete overhaul. I lost myself somewhere and it's becoming more and more clear and sitting in church today it struck me... I would like myself back goddammit!!! I'm going to get me.
Turns out H is an opportunity for me. How about that?
I'm so glad you're seeing things for what they are! Maybe H was the wake-up call you needed, go stop looking through rose tinted glasses . glad you're feeling better!
Yup. I bet another week and I'm back to normal. And I have been journaling too. I guess I thought I addressed my self worth issues and I have not. Or they ever really go away. I don't know
I'm going to find posts of new people with bad outbreaks and see if I can help them.
It can be very therapeutic to help other's. I question too if it's possible to ever get rid of lack of self worth issues. Wish I knew the answer. B
Well I had an ok week. Today I have some discomfort like dryness and some itching. But there is nothing there. No rash. No redness. No swelling. I haven't shaved there in a month so I could have irritation from that I guess
The fatigue is a lot better too. This the first day I didn't have a massive headache either. So I'm getting back to normal but it has taken a month.
I still feel somewhat dirty. But it's getting better. I don't know about the self worth thing either. I think I had those issues long before I got herpes.
So it's taking me a while to get better. That's a bummer. And I wonder if some of it is in my head. But whatever. It is what it is. It's better than it was so I'm grateful.
Just be patient and kind w yourself. It's normal to go through the process of all these emotions and they won't stick around. Trust me.
The nerve stuff is making me mental. I keep looking for more bumps and stuff cuz I have the tingling going on down there and in my legs. And in my butt. I wish it would go away. Ugh
It will. One other thing that H can teach you is patience!
I have clients come in (I'm a Massage Therapist) all the time who can't understand when they are taking weeks or months to "feel better" ... we (ESPECIALLY Americans) are so used to being given a pill or perhaps having a "procedure" that magically makes our ills go away... (including our mental ills).
Fact of the matter is the body needs to be supported in it's healing - mental and physical support go hand in hand - physical support helps with mental health issues. Mental health support helps with physical issues. AND, sometimes the body/mind just needs time to heal even with support. Sometimes you just need to be patient and trust that it WILL get better with time. We therapists can often take the edge off, and help to restore balance, but sometimes no matter how much we do in a session, the body will need more time to react to the treatment and restore the inner balance.
(((HUGS)))
i haven't been here in a while I healed up ok. Haven't gotten rid of the cause of my heroes yet.... The guy....
I have an outbreak question I have a rash that just started on the backs of my thighs. Little red bumps they kind of itch. I haven't changed detergents or anything like that Might that be an outbreak and should I call in one of my prescriptions for whatever that antibiotic is?
There's no telling what the rash is - could be heat, could be herpes, could be something else.
I'd try the acyclovir/valtrex ... if it clears it up, then you know it's Herpes. :)
And it's not an antibiotic... it's an anti-VIRAL - very different drug :)
OK. I will do that. I took a bath with epsom salt and coconut oil and it seems better. I was in a lot of stuff yesterday. My pressure tank leaked so we were cleaning up water in the basement. I was wearing jeans that got wet... who the heck knows.
I still get alot of fear for like any little itch or mark "OMG - it's back". I did go and get tested and looked at again. All was clear and I didn't have any other STDs so that is good.
The whole thing was/is pretty scarey and I'm really glad I found this site. Thanks for the super fast response.
Once you have confirmation that you have herpes, try to find out if he was the one that infected you, because you may want to contact previous people you've been with as they could need testing themselves.
