How Can I Get Out of the Depressed Mode After Finding Out I Have Herpes

Hi I just found out I have herpes. I found out 2 months ago and every since than I have been depressed. About 2 weeks ago I start having loss of appetite and I have loss weight behind it. I have children and I dont want to allow this to take over my life. I want to live my normal life again as though I have not found out. I have not been myself since I found out. I just want to know how to get through this depress mode so I can start back eating and gaining my weight back. I cant allow myself to get too discouraged. I am frighten about losing too much weight. I went from 158 to 143. Please give me advice. I greatly appreciate it.

Hi @linda89. Keep your head up! I'm in the same boat....known for about 5 weeks...official results 1 week ago. What has helped me is getting informed. Researching medication therapies, alternative therapies in case you want to go the natural route. And also having a friend/sibling to talk to about it with. My brother has been an immense help, truly. Plus, lots of prayer for acceptance....it's getting better. I promise you will get there too. I'm positive it will get to the point you won't even think about it until you have symptoms. By then, you will have been well informed and know what next step to take to treat your symptoms. You are still the magnificent mother you have always been, an a+mazing friend to many people, and an outstanding relative. Nothing has changed! I'm here if you need an ear!

@lowkeytee thankyou so much for those wonderful words. I have my mom, my brother, and a an aunt to talk to since she had it for over 15 years. Thankyou so much and I will do some research about therapy medication.

Hello @linda89,

Here is a link to WCSDancer2010's blog http://supporttruthanddialog.com/. Its worth a read if you have the time. Lots of info and links.

A local support group is an option to consider. It really helps to talk with others in the same boat . This link https://herpeslife.com/herpes-support-groups/ may help you find one. I've had h for 30 years now. I was 9 years in before I found the group in my city. Attending some meetings made a huge difference in dealing with it. If there is a group near you I would encourage you to check it out.

Of course this forum is full of great people too. Read the success stories. Your life is far from over...

Good luck.

@linda89 Hi! I'm so sorry you're struggling. I was very depressed after diagnosis, as well. Everyone is different, but here's what helped me:

- Educating myself. Understanding the majority of the adult population has herpes of one type or another and is capable of transmitting herpes. It is not a reason to feel different or isolated. Most people who feel this type of alienation are reacting to the stigma, not the virus itself, and we can choose not to buy into that stigma any longer. It just takes some work to sort of reprogram ourselves through better education. We can't control how others think about it, but how we think about it is more important anyway.

- Talking to others about it. Sounds like you are already doing this. Great! My experience was that, over time, talking about it released a lot of the power and shame of it.

- Exercising. I got outside and walked as much as I could and worked out a couple times a week. I know this can be challenging with kids.

- Gaining enough knowledge to help support others who are struggling. When you support others, you're also reinforcing those positive thoughts within yourself.

- Reclaiming my sexual identity. I know nothing about your situation, but for me, it was a powerful experience to have joyful sex again. It dispelled some of my fears of how things might have to be different and gave me positive momentum.

Symptoms were not an issue for me, but if symptoms are a factor in your depression, you may want to look into antivirals. I take them to reduce risk of transmission. My understanding is that, for people who get recurring outbreaks, antivirals typical reduce recurrences by 70-80% and eliminate them completely for some people. They also reduce viral shedding outside of outbreaks if that is of concern to you.

I recall being depressed for around 10 weeks following diagnosis. At first, all day, every day, then the bad days grew further apart. After those 10 weeks, I felt pretty much like my old self again, though I was uncertain of how the whole sex thing was going to go. I waited another month or so before I began experimenting with that and ultimately had a very positive experience. I needed all that time (about 3.5 months in total) to feel and express the emotions, learn everything I could about herpes, regain confidence and emotional stability, basically feel like my old self again. Processing time is different for everyone, but that's how it worked for me, and I know most people do eventually feel like themselves again.

Thank you all for those encouraging words and support as well as advice. It makes me feel better.getting lifted up by others in the same situation as mines. I know with God's help, my family, and you all I will get through this. Thanks again.

I'm in the same boat @linda89 feeling so depressed and haven't eaten in days. I also have to tell my partner which I'm terrified of. I didn't know I had it and we have been having unprotected sex for months. I just can't bare to have him hurting like I am.

I presented with symptoms shortly after he and I had sex the last time and I'm still scared to tell him. I fear that I have had it for a while and just not known.

I understand how you feel. I was so hurt when I found out because of my boyfriend. His son has c9cancer and it hurted me because he was a donor and just me thinking of that I felt so bad even though i didnt know I had it. So I had told him soon as I found out. And he was so hurt because he couldnt no longer be a donor. I felt like dying. I tried so much but he didnt leave me. We are still together taking it a day at a time. Just pray about it and talk to someone who you trust or talk to a professional because thats what I did. Im still doing it. Im learning how to cope with it because it is hard.

I'm so sorry to hear that! What made you go get tested?

Thank you for your encouragement, this is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

I got tested because I wanted to get tested for everything and I researched that you had to get tested through your blood for herpes and I didnt know because I always get tested for STD through my urine so I ask my doctor to test me for herpes and it came back I had 1 and 2. After all the crying and blaming myself for being careless I thought to myself if I had any symptoms in the past and I did and I didnt realize it that I did. Because my symptoms were mild. I got a well woman check up last may I didnt have it so I had to get it at the end of last year.

It was the hard for me and still is. But I have some supporter people I can count on to not tell anyone and I have an aunt who has it. She had it over 15 years and had children and been married. You still can have a normal life its just the part being honest with someone you love about it. How they going to take it. It wont kill you. It just a virus that will live with you forever. And trust there are alot of people who dont get tested has it and dont know it. But stay encouraged. It takes time to get use to it.

@linda89 I'm confused about what you said about your boyfriend not being able to be a donor due to having a partner with HSV. I've never heard of anything like that. By middle age, perhaps 90-95% of people have HSV1, HSV2 or both, and the virus is not in the blood (blood testing is for antibodies, not the virus itself), so I'm confused. Would you mind elaborating?

Well to only test for herpes you have to get tested through your blood. My boyfriend said he was a blood donor I guess for his son and i guess he told the doctor about our situation and they tested him and he has it. He told me that they told him he couldnt have nothing in order for him to be a donor since his son has cancer and you know when you have cancer your immune system is already down

If you don't mind me asking how long have you and your man been together? And were y'all using protection?

Not long only a few months we used a condom once but after that no.

Damn, so I would imagine my boyfriend definitely has it! I'm so scared to tell him! He's going to lose it!

@linda89 Interesting. That's surprising to me because the virus is not in the blood. Blood tests check for antibodies, not the virus itself. But I'm not a doctor. If it puts your mind at ease even a little bit, please know that a large majority of adults have HSV. Many people contract HSV1 as toddlers and young children. Unless your boyfriend tested negative for HSV prior to your relationship, statistically speaking, it's likely he already had at least one form of HSV. I'm very sorry to hear of his situation and his son's illness, however.

Thats how I was diagnose with it. My aunt is a medical assistant and she test herself through a blood test and after 15 years she still has it......... He might lose it because its a scary thing when you find out just like it scares you but the more you talk about it and take it day tp day you will come to with you. I didnt know herpes was that common. If you have the shingles or ever had chickenpox you have herpes which I didnt know.

You're right!!! Thank you for your words...& prayers for your boyfriends son!!!

Thankyou and you are welcome.

@optimist On point as always - one year and still going strong!

Did you tell him in person or over the phone?

I told him over the phone because I wanted to tell him soon as I found out. When I did he thought I knew and why I didnt tell him. When. I told him as soon as I found out.

Greaaaaat. I guess what I can do is actually go to the doctor and call him after. So far I've only gotten a blood test at a lab. I had a very mild "outbreak" if you'd even call it that.

What did you say?

I was crying hysterically and I said I have something to tell you. I said I just came from the doctor and I have something I cant get rid of and he said what and I said herpes. He was like are you serious And he said I thought you was keeping it real with me and saying I knew the whole time I had it when I knew I didnt. He hung up in my face and i told him I understand if he wanted to end it but about 2 days he said he wasnt breaking up with me because he loves me and that we will get through this together. So far we are getting through it together with one day at a time. And I been praying and I have supported people on my side who i can talk to and Im going to start going to counseling to also help me cope with it.

I'm praying that this is my situation as well!!! If you could send up a prayer for us too that would be amazing!!! Happy for you both!!!

Thanks. I sure will.

He took it SO well!!! Thank you, Lord!

Thats great. How did you tell him?

Well he called me at 7am and said he was catching a flight to see me...I had no choice lol

Did you tell him over the phone or in person?

Phone as I was crying hysterically! But he said we're in this together!

See. Im glad you all was able to talk about it and work it out. Take it one day at a time and you all with get through it. You still can have a normal life.

Thank you! I hope so!