I'm noticing the multi-faceted experience of what it means to be a fully feeling human. "How are you feeling right now?" can never be truly answered in a word or sentence. We are always a layering of many different emotions, feelings, thoughts and experiences all weaving into one another. If I really take the time and sink into the feelings of what it's like to be me in any given moment, I can sense a rich tapestry of so many seemingly conflicting emotions. Joy and sadness, calm and anger, presence and overwhelm, and everything in between. And the magic is that these emotions don't actually conflict; they overlap — all of these emotions can mix together like paint colors to create brand new vibrant colors and a much richer experience than just "good" or "bad."
I also have been noticing in this breakup the tendency for me to look for the next relationship to save me. To validate me. To fill this perceived hole in my heart. And seeing this allows me to also appreciate that there is an opportunity in being single. That there are pros and cons to both being single and being in relationship. And can I embrace the pros of being single now? Can I embrace all of those thoughts that tell me I'm not enough and nobody is going to love me again? Can I soothe myself through those and dig deeper to find that well of self-acceptance that's been waiting there under the fear? There is no such thing as being perfect, but there is the experience of wholeness. And what does it take to feel truly whole?