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By us believing that there's something about us, or let me say me, by me believing that there's something about me that if someone else knew that I would be rejected or or unloved, it has me hold back. And the sneaky thing about shame is that there's not actually any um provable truth to it. Like maybe a few people have rejected me in my life and therefore I can make up that everyone is going to reject me. It's like this all or nothing kind of a thing. So if I feel like I have this, you know, if I'm if I'm carrying this shame where I am I'm not lovable, I'm convincing myself that there's this thing with me, which for me it was herpes, where people would not not love me and that I wouldn't be accepted. Then that has me hold back everything that is actually edgy to put out there. It not only holds me back about like talking about herpes, but it actually has me start having this um this thing in my head about whatever I have inside me isn't isn't good enough. ...
... So it's it's not like if I have shame around one thing then it's just in that one place that I'm held back. It's actually it it starts oozing into other areas I've found for for myself. Like the more that I can actually just use herpes as a doorway to self-acceptance of me having herpes, it actually starts opening my eyes to everything else that I can accept about myself. All of the inconsistencies, all of the judgments, all of the all of the quote unquote bad stuff, but also all the good stuff, too. I can actually start embracing all of that without feeling like, you know, I'm some egotistical person saying, "Hey, I'm great." It's like, there are things about us that we're going to hold back and there are things about us that we're proud of. And all of that is beautiful. All of that is meant to be here. And the more that I can accept everything, then the less shame there is. And the less shame there is, the more I can accept everything. So it has me hold back less. It has me go out there and try new things. It has me go out there and start movements. It has me go out there and love even though there's a potential for me not being met. ...
... It has me go out there and risk because I know what I have to offer is is good. When I have good intentions and I'm a good person and I'm accepting myself and I'm accepting of other people and I have integrity, then all of that starts to radiate out. And that's what I'm starting to see in my own life and and in other people's lives lives lives on the forum. Um is that once we actually start to like dump that load and gross right to dump that load of shame then we become free of it and and a lot of that dumping that load actually means going to that place where we're afraid to go maybe actually facing it maybe actually looking at what the shame has to say and But then on the other side of that, just revealing ourselves and just saying, "Yeah, so hi, I'm Adriel. I have herpes. Doesn't define me. And I have all these other really cool things and all of these things that I'm, you know, not so proud of, but everything creates the wholeness that is me. ...
... So let me just show myself." And the more that all of us can show ourselves for who we really are amidst everything, then the more connection is available to us. And the more freedom to share our gifts in the world, like the the more that we stay in the shadows, the less we can actually share our gifts. The more we hold ourselves back and and and buy into this story that there's something wrong with us, then the less we can actually step out and share our hearts, share our inspiration, share our lives. So, this is much bigger than just herpes. Herpes is just the the doorway into just full-on acceptance and wholeness. So that's what this movement is about. It's about actually moving from the shadows of shame into the light of self-awareness and self-acceptance. And self-acceptance ultimately is self-love. The more I can accept myself and love myself, the more I'm available to love and accept others. ...
... As hokey as it sounds, it's it's feeling more and more true to me. So, here's to the movement. I'm excited to um to move with you. So, until next time.
By me believing that there is something about me that is unlovable, it has me hold myself back. Because I don't want to show myself and risk that part of myself being seen. This is the sneaky thing about shame: There is no objective provable truth. If one person rejects me, I can easily convince myself from that one experience that I am unacceptable, period. This can then become a self-fulfilling prophecy, a vicious cycle. When I hold myself back because of the shame that I'm not enough, then it oozes into other aspects of my life. When I hold myself back from being seen by a potential partner, then I can also hide myself from my friends, family and career. As Brené Brown says, you can't selectively numb.
But the good news is, the reverse is also true: The more I practice accepting myself around herpes and any sexual shame that comes out of that, then that self-acceptance also spreads into other aspects of my life. Herpes self-acceptance can truly act as a doorway to a broader experience of self-acceptance in all aspects of life. Then a new reinforcing cycle begins: The more I can accept everything as it is without judgment, then the less shame there is ... the less shame, the more I can feel safe to more deeply accept myself, and on and on. With more self-compassion, we can step out more fully into the raw vulnerability of what it means to be a whole human being.
