“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.”
— Gary Allan
Jealousy = Feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages.
Let’s set the scene: You’re single and looking for love. Imagine you’re out at a restaurant and spot a couple sitting a few tables away; they’re having so much fun and obviously deeply in love ... How do you feel? If your reaction is anything less than positive, then that green-eyed monster called jealousy just showed up to play.
When I was single, I would look at such couples with disgust and judgment. It felt like they were showing off and rubbing my face in the thing I so desperately wanted but didn’t have. It would make me sick to see.
Jealousy is a sneaky beast. There’s a core belief that tends to accompany jealousy. And that belief boils down to one simple (but crushing) phrase: “I’m not enough.”
Think about it ... If someone else is in a deeply loving relationship and your reaction is a mixture of anger, upset, sadness, then you’re saying to yourself on a deeper level “I can’t have that.” Seeing what they have is only highlighting the places in yourself that you don’t feel like you deserve it.
So when the reaction is to judge — either judging the couple or judging yourself — you are actually blocking what you are judging from yourself.
(And of course having herpes can add that much more fuel to the “I’m not enough” fire. But believe it or not, herpes has been a powerful catalyst to help so many people to wake up into their inherent worthiness and deep lovability.)
When you notice those feelings of jealousy starting to arise, you get to excitedly remind yourself, “Wow, that looks great. I deserve that, too.” Really, truly. The fact that someone else has what you want isn’t proof that you can’t have it; it’s actually proof, right in front of your eyes, that it’s possible for you, too!
Practice actively celebrating those things in others that you are cultivating in yourself. If you want to be more successful, celebrate others successes. If you want to have a deeply nourishing and awesome love life, celebrate the loving relationships of those around you.
Storytime: One day, I was in a coffee shop sitting right next to a super sweet and loving couple. After a little while, I looked over and said, “I’ve been seeing how tender and loving you two are together. It’s so sweet to witness. Thanks for reminding me.” It felt so good to share with them, and they were so appreciative (and yes, just a bit surprised).
Give yourself permission to swim in the deliciousness of the love you want in your life. In that way, you’re practicing being in love instead of pushing it away. Embracing love in all its facets is actively practicing loving yourself, allowing yourself to be, quite literally, in love. Actively appreciate those things that remind you of the love and life that you want. In this way, you are cultivating the hospitable environment for what you want to flourish.
Love is all around us all the time. Moment by moment, we can choose to move towards it or away from it. Which direction do you want to practice?