Rejection is a state of mind

0:00Rejection is really a state of mind hi I'm adriel creator of the herpes opportunity which is all about positively shifting your mindset disclosing to potential partners in a way that truly connects you and ultimately finding the love that you want and deserve now you can check out the free ebook linked in the description below about having the talk and now onto the video I hope you enjoy it because I heard this key phrase that you said that a lot of people say of like what if they reject me I want to clarify that rejection is really a state of mind okay and what I mean by that is someone can only reject you in the way that we think of rejection where like oh he rejected me and now my heart is broken and my life is ruined or like that's me kind of extreme but like that kind of a reaction of like someone rejected me that can only happen when you reject yourself that may sound kind of woo-woo and like self-help-y or whatever but like really think about it like if someone walks up to you on the street and is ...

1:19... like ew your green hair is nasty you're like well I don't have green hair so okay like you're not identifying with having green hair because you know that's not you so if if someone were to like reject you outright it's not like you just deny it and you're like oh whatever I'm great I you know I've it's still gonna it's it's gonna hurt but it's not gonna be like oh my god my life is over right it's just gonna be like oh it's preference right like maybe maybe one of your deal breakers is like oh yeah I don't want to date a smoker because I've never smoked and I don't like the taste of it and the smell of it and I just don't want to right it's a preference thing and some some people will be like have like a negative reaction to herpes but is that really you is it because you're not enough no it just I mean you happen to have herpes and that was a deal breaker to them just like oh they happen to be a smoker and that's a deal breaker to you it doesn't go it doesn't have to go deeper than that so here's a reframe around like a successful disclosure conversation it doesn't matter whether they accept you or reject you the fact is that you had the courage enough to have the conversation and you had that conversation from a place of like like self-awareness self-acceptance presence connection trust of yourself and him right you're stepping into all of these things and all of those things notice that you have those are the things ...

2:47... that you have control over you have control over how you show up if you're putting success like your your rules for success in the camp of the things that you can't control aka his reaction or his response you're giving your power away literally right so so rewrite the rules and say success a successful disclosure to me isn't whether he rejects me or accepts me or whatever it's just that I I did it and I did it well and I did it with courage and I did it with presents and any of those other like any of those other ways that you would kind of see success for yourself and and that's that's the that's the bar that you set for yourself does that help yes yeah so here here's a here's a a reframe for that too I got reframes out the wazoo um so yes you really want this that's great when you can there it can be a double-edged sword or maybe that's the wrong metaphor but like if you if you really like wants something and you really care about it you could focus on the fact that like oh my gosh ...

4:06... I could lose it and that's gonna that's gonna feel scary to you that's gonna like make you contract that's going to make you not you're going to be in a place of fear you're going to withdraw you're not going to be present for the disclosure conversation because you're afraid of losing this thing that you really want but the flip side of that coin can be like wow this is really special this is really special I I haven't felt this in a long time I'm gonna focus on that wow this feels really good I feel like I trust this man right all of these good things and you can focus on all of those good things and that that is what you hold on to during the disclosure talk not with your fingernails digging into it like I need this but like let me let me focus on that as opposed to what I could be losing if he says no it's like no I'm gonna I'm gonna focus on that and also bring it up and share it with him and be like hey I have something important to talk to you about like are you up for an important conversation well let me start off by saying I just really appreciate how special you are to me like even though I've only known you for a little bit like I feel like I can trust you and that means a lot like that's like thank you for being that kind of a a man and that kind of a person right that you're focusing on that without being like I'm afraid of losing it ...

5:33... right you're celebrating it in the moment and what what if anything would give you more of a chance of like being successful in like being connected but like focusing on that during a disclosure conversation right you have a choice of what you're gonna do what you're gonna focus on why not focus on the good part and I'll tell you why like why you avoid focusing on the good part and this is a human thing not a you thing it feels more vulnerable it feels more vulnerable to be like I really like you and I'm gonna focus on that you feel your heart more you feel open you feel tender all right so if he says no it's you're gonna feel it more because you're you're more open but ironically that is also the best chance of success because you're open and you're connected with him right you see what I'm saying it's like that could be a self-fulfilling prophecy of being like uh I'm afraid of losing him so I'm not going to totally open myself to the moment well I hope you got a lot out of that video and if you did please let me know please like comment and subscribe and keep an eye out for more videos just like this you