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Okay so we're here why do I keep saying that we are here I'm here with frienda and uh and you um you were at the the last weekend seminar and uh just I I fell in love with you um just getting to know you on a on a deeper level and um and all of your contributions on the Forum that we were just talking about before we started recording uh it just feels really good to have your your energy around and um and I just wanted to get on Skype with you and and kind of get your thoughts on you know the the weekend in general and um I know you're going to be coming back from Canada flying down from Canada to help staff and that's just so it just it blows me away and I'm just really excited so just uh having a a laidback chat with you um about all of that and I'm excited my God I can I'm counting the days until I can go to everyone I know that I'm going yeah I noticed you're like it it seems like you're being uh a whole lot more open about having herpes like it seems like on on the even on Facebook I'm seeing you starting to post things what is what is that what has that path been like for you because it hasn't always been like that no ...
... it hasn't um I think the weekend really opened that up for me like I was a little more private about it there was you know still the shame around it and that kind of thing but now for me it's like this is who I am this is who I really am um and it's just you know I think if I'm okay with it and I'm comfortable with it it creates the space for other people to be okay with it and comfortable with it and um I think the more that I can just talk about it as a matter of fact like hey I have herpes or I have diabetes or I have whatever um I think it creates sort of a space for people to think about it because I'm sure at first when I mention it especially people who don't know me well are like wow can't to sharing that yeah and then and then sometimes people are uncomfortable with it and and then but most of the time I find people are just like hey that's cool you know and I tell them you know I'm going for the weekend and it was such an amazing experience and there's so much healing going on and it you know it wasn't about Herpes but that's why we were there kind of thing and and so I could opened up that dialogue and um and I think it it creates a space for people to be more understanding um and I think maybe I don't know I just I guess I just like people to to just think a little bit I I I love ...
... I love that you you know when you first said you know this is this is me I I I don't actually see that as like you know hey this is herpes and herpes is me it's almost like you're saying this is me on a deeper level like my openness my vulnerability my willingness to be more open with people this is me and it's almost like the the the sh the shame and the stigma around herpes is the is kind of the doorway to you just showing that part of yourself not not necessarily showing herpes herpes is like it's a virus it's not a big deal but the amazing thing that you're showing is this openness and vulnerability and you know what yeah there's there's a stigma around it and I'm G to talk about it anyway yeah and I think yeah it's just that vulnerability like it and I think when people see that in me they feel more comfortable in Sharing many times with me about about themselves but also I think it just opens up a place with in their heart right when they when they see someone else being vulnerable and when they know that they don't have to be and they know that's got to be scary for someone to say hey I have herbe and this is who I am and this not only who I am but this is ...
... part of who I am but sort of sharing sort of that darker side we all have parts of ourselves that we don't really feel comfortable sharing with other people yeah and so when you can do that I think that I don't I don't have any of those parts I'm sure because you're perfect yeah yeah and I'm sure everyone and I'm sure everyone watching this video doesn't have any of those parts either like absolutely not I'm sure but I I love I love the um the courage that it takes for that and and I and I imagine too that some people watching this video might might think oh well gosh I'm not I'm not ready for that I'm not going to tell anyone that I have herpes like that's too much and what I want to say is that there is there are many different ways of going about accepting yourself and I mean this didn't happen overnight I didn't first day I had herp hey everybody herpes is like oh my God my life is over so this has been a process great yes talk about that process so when when you first when how long ago did you first get herpes um I I've had it many years but I only found out for sure um about a year and a little bit ago so it's a pretty new thing really yeah it's been just over a year in the scheme things yeah um talk about that process like when you first got it all the way up until now and and more or less acceptance yeah when I first got it um my ...
... life is sort of just one of those things where everything happens all at once so uh my son moved out in met University and so that part of my life was really changed and then um a month later my husband and I BR up and that was a shock to cou to week and then a month after that I found out yeah um so I thought my life was pretty much done um as far as dating that's why great I'm divorced and I have herpes so awesome I'm I'm a catch and uh yeah so it was devastating at first it was really devastating and then I'm the type of person who says look I got to reach out to other people I've gotta see it's got to I can't be the only one on this planet right so I went on to some other forums and uh started talking to some people there some of those were kind of depressing and we kind of want to spit you with and we're done but it was good to just connect with the people who were SED in the same thing then I went on um a Cy dating flight and that was awful and what was awful about it um I don't know I guess maybe it was just maybe I wasn't ready it to be partly because I wasn't ready it was just I was ...
... freshly separated right and and vulnerable hurting um so I probably attracted people who were attracted to that hurt part of me so that was probably part of my exp um I also learned some hard lessons on scam was so that was part of my journey was interesting um so that part of it was then I realized I really needed to stop and heal and so I took some courses um some online courses uh one through the SW Institute and it was a 12we for the transformation course it's awesome and really got me in touch with my values my feelings some of my story you know got me in touch with those of myself um then I took another course called calling in the one and it was just a three course and basically went through what parts I played in the relationships that I was in what my story is how that plays out in my life and had to become a good partner um so it had nothing to do with herpes it had everything to do with me but herpes um and then um shortly after that I took I went to theity ...
... and that just completely blew the doors off my w it was an amazing experience it was I didn't know what to expect I thought was be like just learn about heartbe learn how to deal with living with heartbe and it was nothing like that um surprise but it was it was like being as close as a Divine as you can Poss was a weekend of absolute unconditional acceptance and love and feeling I came away from that um it took me a week to kind of get back into the real world again was a bit disoriented um and I missed everyone terribly but I came away with so much personal growth and feelings and that is when I came to a point in my life where I was to share my journey with other people and I can share who I am really am and reach out to other people and try and help that's beautiful it's beautiful so I mean it really points to it being a journey I think that uh the kind of person who would be watching the video now who might be in the depths of Shame where you started your ...
... story off where you started the process off might assume that oh well now Brenda's here well I need to just be there I just need to just I just need to get over this thing called herpes and just be open about it or just get over it and be accepting of it and it is a process and the process is to be honored oh absolutely yeah to honor that scared part of you and that hurt part of you and that part of that doesn't it wants to reject everything about you because you have herpes and how awful it is to just really I think biggest thing I learned is be able to sit with it with myself and also one of the things I learned watching in the procast in theend was other people who were processing and and they were tears and instead of saying oh it's okay it's okay it's okay okay they just sat with them and they just let them s and supported them and for me that was huge it was absolutely beautiful and absolutely huge for me because I learned to do that with both myself and with other people and know had going to a really rough time and I was able to sit with her instead of trying to make her feel better I just sat with her and and I you're safe and it was human ...
... I'm I am uh in awe of you just for for you to um to have moved from such a a place of of Despair and and shame into a year later being able to support someone else in the depths of pain what a turnaround like what the the term that I know of is wounded healer like it it seems that since you have you have gone through the depths of your own version of Deep pain and sorrow it's like you get to understand others on a deeper level that are going through a similar kind of life experience oh yeah you you feel their pain but you can help them you know that there's there's light at the end of the tunnel and you know that they can get through it and so it's almost like you di you don't have to stay here you know I'll help you through it in fact the only way to move through it is to be with it it's ironic because the more the more we want to move past it and just get over it the more it lingers and it it does and it it's I mean ...
... the metaphor that comes to mind is like a stale fart in the air it's like if we're trying to get like something like it may not be like a complete stench but it's in the background and it's just like oh no I'm I'm moving past it oh something stinks but no I'm moving past it it's like man just sit with whatever is even if it stinks sit with it and the emotion of it like to allow yourself to really feel what is true for you and especially if it's sadness especially if it means crying it's it's so it's so unfortunate that our culture doesn't know how to be with crying like I know for the most part for the most part it's it seems to be an uncomfortable thing that that when people are see someone crying like you said their their urge is to be like oh no no no it's okay no no no stop crying no here's a tissue stop stop crying and it's almost like it's because all of us on a certain level are uncomfortable with the feelings that it brings up in us when someone else is very sad so so to actually really sit with it and let the emotion move thing get stuck in your body right it get stuck in your C it's like I I look at it like a river it's like you just ...
... let it flow it just comes and it goes but if you Dam it up it just sits there right and you're gonna stag eventually yes yeah so if you just sit with it no feeling is feminine so if you let it sit that too shall pass and then another feeling comes just let it flow through you just like a river nice what what was it um like without without kind of giving away any of the details of the weekend right because it's like it's a it's a very unique experience for each person who goes through it um so it's really hard to explain what it's about right you know I do I do my best to try to you know explain it but but there's only so much I can explain what was it um like what were your main takeaways for yourself like mess Mees to yourself that you got from the weekend I think for me initially there was some exercises that I felt really uncomfortable with because in my mind I have to do things right and there has to be a right way to do it and there were some that I were uncomfortable with because I didn't feel like I was doing it the right way so that was good because I had to be uncomfortable um and other people were getting all these a moments and I'm a life ...
... coach and damn it I should get this no yeah so that was that was good um this the being that total acceptance because not everyone in the room had her people at first I was really uncomfortable with that that was a trigger to me like wow because I automatically then went into people a death me and so sitting with that and having them love me and accept me I know there was one exercise we room and we had say that we had herpes and I'm thinking okay I'm remember wow yeah for me that was really powerful because as I stood there it just I felt really raw and vulnerable and then I felt love and it just it opened my heart and really I think that was the point that started all the healing for me H um it was it was sort of gradual but that was sort of that point moment I guess when me um and then just watching other people becoming vulnerable and sharing their stories and and allowing themselves to be transparent to the group was amazing because as we spent the weekend together we became more comfortable first everybody's ...
... guarded and you know we don't know each other and but as the weekend went on we became more com with each other and part of of each other and loving of each other and that that was amazing and I think just seeing everybody's unique experience of that weekend because not one person had the same experience it was all very very personal and we did all the same exercises and yet for each of us it was very personal yeah which was really need to see and so I got something from every single person's experience I had takeaway from each person's take of that weekend each person's experience of that weekend enriched my experience that weekend and I learned in my grou from that they is isn't that fascinating because um yeah I imagine if if we did this weekend and it was maybe just me and you you probably would have gotten something out of it but it's a very different experience to be having a group experience and it's and it's almost like I'm reminded of uh like The Wizard of Oz like at the end when she's like looking around at each of the characters and like wow you've been with me the entire time like each each one of you is kind of a piece of me and that's how I was I I know I was feeling that throughout the whole weekend ...
... I recognized pieces of myself as if each one of the participants and the staff members too everyone in the weekend was was just mirrors of little facets of myself absolutely yeah I had people come up to me and say this really what you said here really resonated for me on this part and there was other people that were in the room and they were sharing some of the same stuff that I was struggling with it was all like we were all this big cestry and we were all part of that right yeah we all needed to be there in order for it to be complete nice yeah I I I love um I just love this this work and this kind of togetherness and almost almost like the these kinds of weekends as being a training ground for how the world in general could be yeah you know it was like it was like a playground for what is it like to be me what is it like to be okay be okay and fully accept who I am in the moment what is that like what is what is the felt sense of that ...
... because if if I ask any one of the participants and and and anyone who went through the weekend I know I know that plenty of Staff people walk away from the weekend like holy I'm transformed myself just by like helping staff and and if I ask them like sum up your experience like what is like what is the message for yourself and by and large it's the most simple like third grade language it's like it's like uh well I just really got that I'm I'm okay or yeah you know I just really got the feeling of what it what it means to just I'm lovable and I know that I'm lovable and it's like those clich like what what what sound like cliche kinds of statements are very different once you actually experience them on a felt level absolutely then it doesn't just become you saying yeah you know I'm I'm lovable like you look in the mirror and like I'm lovable damn it and it comes from that kind of a place of like well I should feel like I'm lovable so I'm going to say that I'm lovable and it's very different after you come away with a true experience especially in a group environment where you get something on a on a deep level you can really say from that place in you that might have doubted it before wow I am ...
... lovable and could experience that from other people like that deep sense of loving you just the way you are it was at a small level wow and you uh uh you had such an experience that uh you just got to come back and staff the very next seminar way I love it I love it oh my gosh coming back I don't care if you want me or not oh oh we want you trust me we want you yeah I'm excited any anything else about the um about the weekend or or specifically maybe like since the weekend I mean it's been gosh don't make me do math how long has it been since the last one January January so middle of January I yeah so a few months now um how how has it been integrating all of this into your real world life I think I'm um a lot more a lot more accepting of myself I'm a lot more open um I've learned how to be more genuine with other people um and just calmer I think I've had people comment like you're just so much Ca just kind even um and just accepting ...
... if you know I'm going to have moments where I'm like all like but just sit with it s with it and um I've tried a whole bunch of new experiences I've done NRA and I've done medication I've done cini yoga just you know like I just opened myself up to a whole bunch of she I really enjoyed that I'm I'm getting the image of like a blossoming and it's like oh it it's that um that quote from annias nin is coming to mind do you know that do you have it memorized oh and then the time time had come where the risk that it took to stay all wrapped up tightly in a Bud was more painful than the risk that it took to Blossom something like that and it and it seems like a lot of a lot of people in this in this herpes situation especially when we first get it the stigma is so heavy that it it actually does feel safer to just stay all wrapped up tightly in the bud and and be safe because I want I I need to protect myself from being judged by the outside world ...
... and some of that I I hate to admit it some of that is actually true there is going to be judgment out there oh absolutely there is reality and you're going to get judgment whether you have herpes or not that's the kicker judgment no matter what whether you're too tall or whether you're too heavy or whether you're too whatever right people are gonna judge you yeah and herpeses is another thing they judge you for and there's a whole other side of it it too that there's so there's the reality of people possibly judging you out in the real world you know if you admit that you have herpes and then there's the other part of it where it it is just a story that we're making up where where we might actually think that every single person in the whole wide world is going to judge us and spit on us and like all the worst possible like reactions that we could possibly think up and run the other way yeah um and and that's just not the case so there there be there comes this point where it seems that it is more painful to stay safe because we're closing ourselves off from so much opportunity and experience and it sounds like with you it's like the that blossoming that started to take place when you started doing these self-development things it's that Blossom ...
... is opening and now it's like oh I have so much more available in my life oh wow I have so much more that I want to do and so much more life that I want to live and maybe it is there is more there's more of a risk of blossoming sometimes oh absolutely and there's more of a risk of staying closed but it feels good to hear you living your life like you are yeah it's uh it's good I mean I I I stayed safe and try this you know for a long long time and this is sort of giving me permission I think to finally just say you know what I must can go forever I need to do what is good and authentic for me right I need to I need to live my my gifts I need to go there really be who I am genuinely who I am and not be afraid of because people are always going to judge you no matter who you are whether you're Mother Teresa or whether you're you know people judge you and that's okay it's it's not about you it's about them when they're judging you it's about them and and for every judgment that we get there's like three to five times more of the amount of people who will accept or be like wow thank you for your vulnerability wow yeah here's ...
... here's something that I'm struggling with and and connection will come from that so it's almost like we focus on maybe the 10% of it that where where we we're going to get that judgment or that person's not going to like us or whatever and and we forfeit that 90% oh my God possibil I known I've gotten to know so many more people as having her my social life is taking off I mean you know the the herpes opportunity weekend I met so many wonderful people there people on The Forum our local group is getting together tomorrow for polling and you know I mean I have open social life now so those those commercials on TV like about the medication and everything maybe they maybe they don't have it so far off because people are outside like enjoying their life going white water rafting and jumping into the ocean and yeah it's F it's fun having herpes huh but um yeah I'm just uh I I I love that moment where the the courage to Blossom kind of takes over and it and it and it I I remember that moment for myself where it was ...
... like you know what this is scary and I'm noticing that the fear is also excitement yeah whoa I'm actually G to do something scary which means that A change is on the horizon we all inherently a as a human species as an animal species We Fear change because safety safety Will Keep Us Alive but there's also this this visceral experience of whoa change is on the horizon especially when I'm kind of living the life that's not true to me right now change is actually exciting so there's the there's a there's a moment that when when a you know if if whoever is watching this video right now and you may be at that point or near that point of saying I know there's something else out there but that's scary actually maybe look at that fear a little bit deeper and really get curious about what is in that fear maybe there is actually excitement for Change and maybe you are ready to start looking at your life in a different way and looking at what you're capable of in a different way yeah I was GNA say for each one of us that came ...
... to that weekend every single one of us were afraid we all said that we were we weren't sure what we were getting into and we were all afraid like oh my God what like what am I getting into what am I doing and I don't know and there was a lot of us even in the last minute what the hell am I doing maybe I should just cancel like I don't know maybe I shouldn't go to this thing like like why would I open myself up to this so each one of us all of us I think was what nine of us or something eight of us nine of us we all said the same thing so if you're thinking oh my God I don't know if I can do this then you're normal this is this is part of it because it's that that excitement of oh my God maybe if I go here maybe something great is GNA happen but I don't know what it is so maybe I shouldn't do it so just do it just do it that's that's that's the most loving command that I've ever heard just do it um the it reminds me of what the the definition of courage is a a lot of people assume that being courageous means not feeling fear and that's actually not it at all being courageous is actually fully experiencing fear and doing it anyway and that's where all of the energy is that's where all the energy is trapped up if we don't follow that and that's where all the energy gets released and and it transforms into all these ...
... beautiful things and inspiration and self-acceptance and self-confidence and self-love when we're actually willing to be courageous feel that fear of what the change might be and do it anyway and whether that means like you know obviously I would you know I'm a little biased of you know anyone coming to the weekend right I think I think there's a lot there's a lot of amazing value that's that's in the weekend and for for some people maybe it's actually taking the step and just like if this is a new diagnosis or if you've even had it for a while and you haven't told anyone maybe the first real like I'm scared shitless moment would be to just like call your mom and say Hey you know how I've been really sad lately and I haven't told you what's up like I have something to share with you maybe that's your edge of of fear SL excitement to to open to to start blooming to start blossoming that flower and maybe maybe the maybe the next step for you is to go to an in-person support group and hop off of the online forum and go to a space where everyone in the room has herpes and what that's like for you you know I remember yeah what what was that like for you when you first joined an in-person support group it was um it was great ...
... because you know we all got together and we all knew that we had hery right there was none of that and we could just talk about it casually I mean we could kind of get feedback from each other we could joke about it we a lot of joking about it yeah because we can yeah in that environment right um and we've talked about you know what the first outbreak was like and you know how you deal with it it just it's it just feels so normal like that's what everyone our says it just feels so normal in that moment when you guys are together you can just be and there's no pretense and there's no hiding behind no just we don't have to hide anything from each other and that's really freeing because when it comes down to it it's a freaking skin rash people it is it's a skin rash with with C sours don't walk around you know feeling like the whole world would get them I always get angry when I see some with a like really yeah walk around well I I actually just read an article just recently and I just reposted it on the blog and it was about um the the way that uh the stigma for herpes came around there wasn't any stigma for herpes for genital herpes or cold sores for that matter um um before ...
... 1975 there just there just wasn't because um the the company who created the herpes medication had this drug that got rid of this thing called herpes that nobody knew about or even cared about so they started putting out ads saying hey do you have this highly stigmatized you know rash down there well you need to take our medication so you can get rid of that and and that's where that's where the stigma came from it came from you know advertising so that a company could sell its drugs as far as as far as this article was was saying and I and I saw a few other articles that were pointing to the same thing and it makes sense because you know when it comes down to it rationally we can be like dude it's just a skin rash I don't understand it but then on a cultural level apparently a lot of people are freaking out about it it's something that we to be really concerned with but it's not anything that's going to kill us but so there's like these two different sides of it so so consider that if you're really deep in the in the shame that you might have been sold something right you might have been sold a way of of thinking and a way of believing that isn't your actual belief it was just implanted into your head like ...
... almost like a injected into your head and it's not actually true it is it's a skin rash and you know when you look at it soah it's just a minor inconvenience seriously like having the flu or getting up CL and it's and it's an opportunity for us if if there is a lot of shame in that that it might not actually be about the herpes and that's what a lot of the weekend is about too is to start is to start separating the simple virus that we have in our bodies from the natural shame that we might have around either sexuality or who we are in general like all of the self- judgments that we may have about ourselves that herpes just tends to mag like like a magnet pull up to the surface or like the magnifying glass like make all of these things that have always been inside of us that much bigger and that much more real seeming and when we can actually really look at that with acceptance and in a group environment of acceptance as well then that's when really true deep healing takes place yeah yeah and I think it just brings up stuff that you have not wanted to deal with but when you get herpes then all of it comes to the perect so it may be like a catalyst of feeling NE but it's uncomfortable it's ...
... overwhelming I think all of your stuff comes flying at you like B out of the cage it's like oh my gosh someone someone on The Forum just today posted something and I haven't been able to reply back but the the the title of it is I just want to die and I I remember feeling like that a few like when I first got it I remember feeling suicidal and there's a part of me that oh my gosh my heart just goes out to that and there's a part of me that's like really really like can can the stigma be that powerful that it's going to have us consider killing ourselves like no no no no I want to like I want to immediately Rectify that belief that no this is an an opportunity that if if especially if that kind of a thought is coming up to that extreme there's a whole lot to actually look at inside of ourselves and be okay with and and and use it as like like you said like a catalyst like Rocket Fuel to propel us into our self-acceptance and to propel us into changing into the life that we live and it's not really changing us at our core it's almost like shedding those layers that we've been kind of putting over top of ourselves to reveal to reveal the true us and all of that shame ...
... can actually be that Rocket Fuel to just explode those layers off and just be raw in the world as raw as as we feel comfortable with just being a Genuine s just accepting who we are and what we are like not what we aren't but who we are yes and focusing on who we really are and and I think when you focus on the positive you bring out more of that right as opposed to focusing on what you aren't and all the bad things there's no purpose for that beautifully said beautifully said I love that yeah what we focus on does become bigger yeah all all of these cliches really make sense once you start plugging them into what's going on in our lives now okay yeah I know I se a girlfriend go up to her by a Time cousin May a cousin was telling her all hor things about herself and she was feeling absolutely ugly you know and and so with had of a chat and she started looking in the mirror and she started seeing things about herself that was beautiful she I never looked at my eyes before see how beautiful are you know she think beautiful blue eyes and and she started noticing things about herself I she gorgeous to and now she's to the point where she's like yeah wow I am beautiful and she really gets it ...
... now whereas a week or two ago she she was almost the is that just that we we get to decide what we believe about ourselves and what we don't believe about ourselves and sometimes when we hear it from someone especially a significant other there's a part of us that says wow they know they know me that must be that must be true that I'm all of those shitty things that that person is saying about me but we forget that there's actually a a point at which we get to either accept or deny what they're saying to us and what the outside world is saying to us and what the stigma is telling us about Herpes and about ourselves it's like let's not forget that we actually are the Arbiter of our own lives and and a lot of that does to do with the beliefs that we actually allow in yeah and I think sometimes we have that voice of someone else but that's that voice that we carry with us from parent whatever right and so that voice goes off automatically in our heads you know with a self judgment voice and I think it's learning to shut that voice over recognizing when it comes up and go that true yeah is that really true and because you it just comes automatically you don't even think about it it's not even in your Consciousness ...
... but when I think that's part of the weekend was really stopping and going okay I'm hearing that voice now is that true is that really true and going no it's not actually yeah I don't have to believe that I don't have to think that I have a choice like you said I have a choice whether I'm going to buy into that or I'm gonna say no no that's not right this is who I am yeah and you know I think it's tripping way yeah what what what kind of a what kind of a life do we end up living when we believe all of the shitty things that are that could be believed about ourselves we end up leaving like leading that kind of a life right so it's like we we have we have an unlimited amount of beliefs that are at our fingertips that we could grab onto which ones are we choosing to put the spotlight on so it's just my gosh you can just go you can go down the rabbit hole on on this one and um or you can can say yeah thinking choing again yeah man I I ...
... feel like I could talk to you forever this is one of those high quality problems of like oh my gosh this is this is so great talking with you and we got to wrap up um and uh and I I really appreciate you uh um coming on you know and and being with me on on YouTube you know where other people can can see us talking and you know there there is still so much of the uh of the of the hiding that's going on especially around herpes and anything having to do with shame like the natural part of it is to hide and when when we can come out in the open and put a video up on YouTube and have people watch it and say yeah this is who I am not I'm not herpes but this is who I am and I happen to be someone with herpes and I have a whole lot more going for me too let me tell you about it let me show you and and and guess what you have all of those things going on with you too whoever's watching this video right so it's like so it's it's so I I appreciate the courage that it takes to come on on a video too and to share yourself publicly like this no that's my pleasure like said and it's not just for her people ...
... it's just anybody I think anyone's struggling with issues like themselves it's not just the particulars we can help one person look at themselves go hey you know what maybe I need to do things differ awesome well uh do you want to do a sky pug absolutely I can wait to do it vers yeah yeah in a few months so yeah I'll see you in July and uh I can't I can't wait yeah so take care and uh see you soon all right okay bye
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
. Anais Nin
I would be lying if I said getting herpes was the best thing to ever happen to me. Much like I would not say being divorced was the best thing to ever happen to me, three times. (But that is another article altogether.) What was the best thing to happen to me though was what I learned from those experiences. As painful as they both were to deal with, and as much as I thought “my life is over” after each event, I realized that hidden within those experiences were lessons waiting for me to learn. I learned we are the masters of our destiny and also of our mind. We choose what we think, how we feel, what we believe, and how we are going to react in any given situation. The experience of having herpes is no different.
I remember getting the herpes diagnosis. It was on the heels of my son leaving home, which, to my surprise was a rather traumatic event for me. My reaction actually caught me off guard. As I was coming to terms with the ending of that part of my life, my marriage, my third and the one that I honestly thought was going to go the distance, dissolved before my eyes in a matter of two weeks. I was devastated and was at what I thought was my lowest point. I was to discover there was one point lower … At the end of November 2011 I noticed an irritation that just wouldn’t go away, no matter what I tried. I rationalized, bargained with God and prayed that it wasn’t what I feared it was. A herpes outbreak? You see, I had a partner 10 years previous who had herpes. My fears came to life on December 3, 2011 when I sat in the doctor’s office and I got the verdict: I have herpes. Welcome the bottom of the lowest point in my life. As I was considering my life of celibacy and rejection, I reached out via the internet. Low and behold, contrary to my belief, I was not the only “damned one” on this planet. There are many people with herpes. Thus began my unfolding and blossoming.
My journey had taken many twists and turns until one day I found myself sitting in a meeting room in Raleigh, North Carolina with a bunch of strangers who, after a few short days, would become part of my soul. When I first heard of the Herpes Opportunity, I was skeptical. I had no idea what it was about. I was in Canada on the other side of the country. Honestly, was I going to travel all the way to North Carolina for some herpes weekend? Turns out, yes, and I am so glad that I did. I got so much out of one short weekend. It is hard to describe what it is like but I’d love to share what I came away with …
The experience of the Herpes Opportunity weekend is something that is unique to each participant. It’s like listening to a song. It all depends on where you are in your life and the experiences you have had. The song may mean something different to you depending on what is going on in your life. The Herpes Opportunity weekend is like that. It all depends on where are you in your journey of healing, which makes it such a unique experience for each participant. This is not your typical workshop where you sit and listen to lectures. The weekend starts by you getting to know each other and developing a sense of trust and safety … and then the adventure begins.
I had so many takeaways from the weekend. For me, the biggest take away was learning to become more loving and accepting of myself and realizing that we all share so many of the same feelings, fears, insecurities, and false beliefs. When one person healed, we all healed. There is something about the group dynamic that is so amazing. I also realized there is something beautiful in just being with another person in their grief and pain. And when I realized how beautiful that was for someone else, I was able to extend that to myself. I have learned to sit with my emotions, whatever they are, and accept them as they are in that moment without judgment. By honoring my feelings, I can let them be expressed, heard and then pass.
After the weekend, I was so open to pushing my comfort zone to see what was possible. My heart was open and I was eager to try new experiences and to stretch myself to see what I was really capable of. Upon my return, I took a Nidra class, a tai chi class, a few kundalini yoga classes, attended a drumming circle and a chakra clearing meditation class. I have become more comfortable being uncomfortable and trying to see where my limits really are. I am now challenging my beliefs about “what is possible for me.” I am far more open in telling people I have herpes as well. I used to be afraid to have people know for fear they would judge me and reject me. Now I am doing YouTube interviews! If you would have asked me a year ago if I would do that sort of thing, it would be a definite “Are you insane?” Even now, it certainly pushes my comfort zone, but now I am open to it. I see my discomfort as more of a challenge than a limitation.
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This herpes thing can be the worst thing to ever happen or it can be a blessing. The only person who can determine that for you is you. You can choose to be a victim or a victor. You can choose to see herpes as an opportunity or a limitation. It’s all in how you choose to look at it. If you are curious to see if maybe there is a way to loosen the hold that shame has on you around herpes, I would encourage you to push your comfort zone just a bit and come out to the Herpes Opportunity weekend. You can feel the fear and do it anyway, just like every single person who attended the last weekend in January did. Each of us was uncomfortable and unsure of what we were getting into, but we came anyway. And in our discomfort, we found healing, love and acceptance. Listen to that small, still voice within you. If this is an experience that both scares you and excites you all the same, then take that leap and see what is possible. You will be so glad you did.
“It’s impossible,” said pride “It’s risky,” said experience “It’s pointless,” said reason “Give it a try,” whispered the heart
, Author unknown
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