The psychology of comparison:

Pictures of genital herpes?

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So there's this natural human tendency to compare I compare my life to other people's lives I compare the car that I drive the way that I look my girlfriend as opposed to other guys girlfriends the car that I drive Etc right on Down the Line well why would it be any different for the People Like Us with herpes we feel like we can compare somehow compare our experience of how herpes will affect us and our lives by looking at other people with herpes getting their experience and usually this comes about especially strong right after our first diagnosis and we were so ashamed about having herpes that we can't just go out and start asking people around town about their experience of herpes hey do you have herpes hey could I talk to you about it so we go online and we start searching for other people's experiences you know other people's blogs even pictures of ...

... herpes to kind of get a a visual and experiential comparison going how will my life be affected by this I'm going to look at other people's experiences and try to piece that together ahead of time instead of just going through it myself and and developing my own unique experience of it myself because ultimately everyone's experience is their own right even even if you you got the best the best explanation of someone's experience even if they worded it just right your interpretation of their explanation is going to be your own experience so really comparing is is pretty detrimental there's a lot of power in going through it yourself and I understand the irony here I had my own experience of it and now I'm telling you but to really just make your experience or let your experience be your own

There’s a completely natural thing we do as humans: We compare ourselves to others. So, the first thing I did after receiving my positive diagnosis to the herpes test years ago was to rush to my nearest Google search bar and type in “pictures of genital herpes.” I wanted to get an idea of what my future situation was going to look like by looking at other people’s situations. And what I found didn’t get me too excited about my possible future. The photos were horrifying! But come to find out … most of my worrying was pointless.

Comparison is normal. We must see if we’re adequately keeping up with the Joneses, to make sure that we’re “stacking up.” We compare others’ experiences to our own hoping to see common ground; we compare others’ opinions to our own; we compare our bodies, minds, personalities, finances, and on and on. Before we go out to see a movie, we ask other friends what they thought about it, what movie critics said about it; we look for approval in who we date: do mom and dad approve, do the friends approve, is she as hot or hotter than women other guys are dating? We scroll through our social media feeds, comparing our internal experience to others' highlight reels. Constant comparison is the norm. But what we ultimately come to find out is that each of our experiences are so unique to us; comparing really doesn’t help us make better decisions for ourselves.

So back to my search for genital herpes pictures … I was comparing myself and my newfound situation to other folks with herpes, trying somehow to get things “in perspective.” But no amount of pictures or other people’s perspectives (including mine) has much to do at all to what your experience of herpes is going to be. Everyone’s situation is different, both the physical and the psychological experience. Just as everyone’s experience of spicy foods or jumping out of airplanes is different, everyone’s experience of herpes is different as well.

So do yourself a favor and don’t go out there comparing too much. Do your best to keep yourself healthy (physically and mentally) and find out for yourself with time that your herpes outbreaks will most likely be easier than you’re assuming. The most difficult part of genital herpes seems to have very little to do with the actual herpes symptoms themselves and more to do with the psychological impact due to our cultural stigma. But thankfully the psychological impact can be under your control as well. That part is all in your head.

And now … without further ado (drumroll please), some pictures …

Here are a few pictures of normal herpes outbreaks. The vast majority of the herpes pictures you will find in the web are not representative of what actual herpes outbreaks look like. Those worst-case-scenario pictures just help to support the negative stigma and fear around herpes. Keep in mind that for most people, the first herpes outbreak is the most severe, so don’t expect that all your outbreaks will be like your first. Once your body builds up more and more immunity to the virus, your outbreaks will tend to settle down to be more representative of the above images.

Frequently asked questions

What does a genital herpes outbreak actually look like in real life?+
Genital herpes outbreaks vary widely from person to person. They can appear as small clusters of blisters, single sores, tiny paper-cut-like irritations, or redness that is easily mistaken for something else. The dramatic images you find through a Google search almost always show the most extreme, worst-case presentations and are not representative of what most people experience.
Is this herpes or could it be something else like an ingrown hair or folliculitis?+
Many common skin conditions can mimic herpes, including ingrown hairs, folliculitis, yeast infections, contact dermatitis, and friction irritation. The only reliable way to know if a sore is herpes is to get it swab-tested by a healthcare provider while the sore is still active. Visual self-diagnosis by comparing to photos online is notoriously unreliable.
Why do herpes pictures online look so much worse than what I am experiencing?+
Medical resources and image databases tend to show the most severe presentations for educational purposes, which creates a skewed picture of reality. Most people with herpes have mild symptoms that they may not even recognize as herpes. Comparing your experience to worst-case images online can cause unnecessary anxiety and does not reflect the typical herpes experience.
Can herpes appear in unexpected places like the thighs, buttocks, or hands?+
Yes, herpes can appear anywhere in the "boxer shorts" region for genital herpes, including the buttocks, inner thighs, and lower back. This is because the virus lives in nerve clusters that serve the entire area. Oral herpes can occasionally appear on the nose, chin, or cheeks. Herpes on the fingers (herpetic whitlow) is also possible, though uncommon.